Help! I'm Freaking Out!

Honestly, I’m totally freaking out. I get all jittery and I get this knot in the pit of my stomach.

As some of you may or may not know, I’m getting married soon (probably in the next month or so). At first I was very excited and I was rather looking forward to settling down and perhaps starting a family at some stage. I’m 31 and I’ve found a wonderful lady whom I enjoy talking to, spending my time with and we both make each other laugh and we have good fun together. The “fringe benefits” aren’t bad either and there’s no problem there.

However, as those of you who are married will know, you have to apply for a “single” certificate from your home country. I duly did this. About a week ago the Liaison Office in Taipei called me and told me it had arrived. I’ve put off going to Taipei for about a week already and will be going this week.
After the lady called to say it had arrived (for those of you who don’t know, you need this certificate to get married and make an appointment with the relevant legal officials to set a date for your nuptials) this feeling started.
Let me make it clear that I love this woman and that we don’t have any relationship issues. Yet, I’ve started freaking out. I find myself thinking of lost opportunities, no more bachelorhood freedom (probably a good thing as I don’t go out and piss away my salary anymore), and the ones that got away. Two in particular.
First and foremost there is my first gf in Taiwan whom I loved very much, had a long standing relationship with and ended as still being good friends. We do sometimes call each other but we decided two years ago that we don’t really have any romantic feelings for each other, but are just very good friends. The reason why we broke up originally. The thing is, I always felt very comfortable with her and now it’s all plaguing on my mind. The “what if” questions…
The second one is a girl that I became friends with while she was studying her MA in Tainan. About a year and a half ago she finished and moved to go work in Taipei. We also remained friends and stayed in touch. About six months ago she came to Tainan for a visit and asked me, “If I had stayed in Tainan, would we ever have been together?” I was floored. I had always liked her but thought she wasn’t interested. She’s very nice, very sexy, very well spoken and very interesting. I couldn’t believe it. Anyway, what with her being in Taipei and me being happy in Tainan, there was talk at a stage that perhaps she would move back to Tainan or I could move to Taipei. Neither happened and we just remained friends. However, sometimes we chat on msn and she openly flirts with me. She also begs the question, “What if???”

In truth, I’m really happy with my fiance and I really love her, but this nagging question of “What if??” keeps playing over and over in my head. Ever since the damn Single Certificate arrived and the final stage of physically getting married became a reality I’ve just been freaking out…

Any of you married guys ever have this problem? Is it normal? Am I going nuts?
How to just get myself over this and focus on the wonderful woman I have.

:taz: :wall:

A good marriage requires work.

Take it easy, jitters are normal, but don’t get railroaded into this.

HG

Yes you’re going nuts. Yes it’s normal.

By the way, the flirting and “what if” stuff that other bint is doing? Dollars to donuts she’s doing it because you’re getting married and are now considered “safe.”
I had all the same things you’re going through when I was about to begin my sentence – er – I mean join the ranks of the happy loving couples, except even worse, on account of my extreme handsomeness and sex appeal that ensured a veritable stable of young nubiles when I was a gay bachelor.
But getting hitched was the single best thing I ever did on this godforsaken rock.
Enjoy it. As my wise friend told me years ago, “it’s the kind of thing you only do three or four times in your life, so make the most of it.”

Brother, if you didn’t get freaked out a bit, you’d be abnormal. :wink:

I got the shakes right about when the guy said, “Do you take this woman…?”

In the immortal words of Krusty the Clown, “Everything’s gonna be allllllright.”

(As long as the issues your brain is throwing you about the other two babes is just your brain being an asshole; they tend to do things like that; has something to do with revenge for killing off their brethren with alcohol.)

Peace

jds

[quote=“sandman”].
Enjoy it. As my wise friend told me years ago, “it’s the kind of thing you only do three or four times in your life, so make the most of it.”[/quote]

You get to enjoy one marriage only 3 or 4 times? Er, thanks but now I’ll really pass. :laughing:

Bismark, best of luck. I would love to be able to say something to calm your fears and panic, but I’m afraid I’m still trying to figure out getting over “first date” jitters. :blush: :smiley:

[quote=“Namahottie”][quote=“sandman”].
Enjoy it. As my wise friend told me years ago, “it’s the kind of thing you only do three or four times in your life, so make the most of it.”[/quote]

You get to enjoy one marriage only 3 or 4 times? Er, thanks but now I’ll really pass. :laughing:
[/quote]
Er, no, dear. He meant that Getting married is something you only do three or four times. It’s a joke, see? Like, your wedding day is supposed to be a one-off, like, except he’s making a droll reference to the rising divorce rate and the number of people with several marriages and divorces under their belts like. Humour, like. You know?
I should really work on my timing.

[quote=“sandman”]Yes you’re going nuts. Yes it’s normal.

By the way, the flirting and “what if” stuff that other bint is doing? Dollars to donuts she’s doing it because you’re getting married and are now considered “safe.” [/quote]
I agree with this 100%. Your ex is maybe thinking about the one that got away as well but that’s a lot different to actually putting in the work to make a relationship succeed. Something she conspicously failed to do with you. (Sorry, if that sounds blunt.)

If you’re really happy with your fiance and she’s happy with you then you two will probably do what it takes to make things work.

Peace and best of luck.

Thanks for the excellent replies everyone.

I guess it’s just sort of like when you go to a restuarant. You look over the menu. Everything seems nice enough. Eventually you settle for a dish and when they bring it, you look at what the other folks ordered and somehow it looks better than yours…

I expect I’ll calm down after everything is finalised. It’s just that you go so long being a bachelor, going out when you want to, coming home when you want to, spending money on what you want to…everything is just me me me for so long and the possibilities and pairings are endless that it just takes some time to adjust to “her and me” and not me me me…

I feel better now.

Yet the knowledge that she is to be the last and only woman for the rest of my life still feels somewhat daunting… Scary even…

I’ll just beat bobepine to it:

[quote]all my friends are married
every Tom and Dick and Harry
you must be strong
to go it alone
here’s to the bachelors
and the bowery bums
and those who feel that they’re the ones
who are better off without a wife

I like to sleep until the crack of noon
midnight howlin’ at the moon
goin’ out when I wanto, comin’ home when I please
I don’t have to ask permission
if I want to go out fishing
and I never have to ask for the keys

never been no Valentino
had a girl who lived in Reno
left me for a trumpet player
didn’t get me down
he was wanted for assault
though he said it weren’t his fault
well the coppers rode him right
out of town

(chorus)

selfish about my privacy
as long as I can be with me
we get along so well I can’t believe
I love to chew the fat with folks
and listen to all your dirty jokes
I’m so thankful for these friends
I do receive[/quote]

I don’t know … I think the second one sounds like a bit of a catch. Do you still have her phone number?

Damn, that’s HARSH, man! :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Bismarck you seem like a great guy and I wish you happiness in your new adventure :slight_smile:

When is the big day? I have never been married so cant offer any constructive advice…Sorry… But I imagine that I would feel very much the same way that you are right now… :wink:

Damn, that’s HARSH, man! :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:[/quote]

Synchronitically enough, I got that same question a while back from a friend who shall remain nameless when I broke up with an ex. Good for him that I’m a basically non-violent guy.

I can’t offer any constructive advice, either, never having been married. But, Bismarck being one of the handful of Forumosans I have had the pleasure to have actually met in real life, I can testify that he’s a decent bloke with a good head on his shoulders. Good luck on the marriage, mate.

She is. And yes I do. Hence the freaking out…

[quote=“pubba”]Bismarck you seem like a great guy and I wish you happiness in your new adventure :slight_smile:

When is the big day? I have never been married so cant offer any constructive advice…Sorry… But I imagine that I would feel very much the same way that you are right now… :wink:[/quote]

We still need to take the single certificate to go and make the appointment. The arrival of the single certificate’s what started the freaking out. It’s as if the damn thing was shouting at me, “This is it! Hahahahaha! I’m here, now you’re f****d!”

Damn single certificate.

She is. And yes I do. Hence the freaking out…[/quote]

I was joking of course.

In my experience, the very best awaits us beyond the door through which we hesitate most to enter. :wink:

I don’t know. For me, that door is prison and I’m pretty sure entering that would not be the best by a long shot. :s

[quote=“sandman”]I’ll just beat bobepine to it:

Is this the same guy that wrote:

Well I’ve lost my equilibrium and my car keys and my pride,
The tattoo parlor’s warm, and so I hustle there inside
And the grinding off the buzz-saw, “What you want that thing to say?”
I says, “Just don’t misspell her name, buddy, she’s the one that got away”

?

Yeah, marriage isn’t a word, it’s a sentence.

What if… If wishes were horses beggars would ride. If turnips were swords, I’d wear one by my side. If if’s and ands were pots and pans, there’d be no work for tinkers.

Hope that helps!

congratulations bismarck :slight_smile:

It has already been covered by all the above posters, but it is very natural to think back and compare past loves.

Hey, my ex was the reason i did not date for 6 years afterwards.
Yes, i am overly sensitive :s

But yes, im sure you will be very happy together.
Again, congrats bud.