I was walking home from the 7/11 last night when (surprise!) a couple of young and optimistic but friendly and unpretentious - in short, 2 decent people - stopped their bikes to have a chat. They were not mormons. They were interesting, apparently educated and studying Chinese at a local university, and, like I have said, they seemed fine. But I was kind of embarrased to be ‘caught’ wandering back to my pad with a hotdog. They were drinking and on their way, I wanted to invite them in for a chat, but my room was in such a state, it would have been embarressing.
I am not ‘lonely’ but I could do with some new friends, especially ones outside of work… Why did I just walk away? Why has it happened to me, too. I used to get it when I was younger/newer from the older/older crowd. I used to think it was so sad - If you approached one, they often seemed to uptight and bitter, so isolated and beaten down (espcially in S. Korea). But now it’s happened to me!
Why couldn’t I just stop and have a nice chat with these people? Is it not because I’ve become beaten down - used to having social interations that go nowhere/break off due to language and cultural differences, have I not internalised and habituated myself to this, have I not stopped fighting against it. Had I not even, just before in the 7/11, broken off a discussion about the worlk cup because I didn’t even know the words for ‘football’…? I broke off the conversation, just walked off, in the same way. Damn!
If I were a doctor or a physician seeking to heal myself, I’d perscribe a social activity and some chill pills - no more drinking… The cause, I think, is that pretty much all my social interation is with colleauges to whom the right attitude is one of sarcasm and a sallow face. Does this mean I have to enroll in another expensive language course?! Damn!
What are your diagnoses/remedies?