Is there any instance where you would tell a girl that you were not dumping that you were going to be very busy for the next month and wouldn’t have time to see her??
See. From my experience this is as classic a line as “it’s not me, it’s you” and “let’s still be friends”. But when followed by long monolouges about how beautiful I am and how he can’t wait to see my new hair color… WTF…? :loco:
So. Yeah. Men: Am I a crazy paranoid 12 year old or is this a classic dump line?
Well, there are a few - very few - conceivable situations where it could maybe be valid. Like if he’s leaving the country for some sort of business thing or something. But odds are well heavily stacked against that.
Yes. If I was going to be very busy for the next month and wouldn’t have time to see her.
Ask him what it is he’s going to be so busy with and take it from there.
A chinese co teacher is in a relationship with a Taiwanese man who is prone to saying, “Im too busy for the next three weeks” from time to time. He is Taiwanese. She explained that his job iss very important to him, as is the relationship, so instead of making a half assed effort at keeping both going he will ‘postpone’ the relationship until he can devote proper time to his loved one. Is this familiar to you?
Is he Taiwanese?
Classic dump wimp outs are: ‘I am married to the sea’, and ‘Im not gay but Im learning.’
Just be grateful he doesn’t move to China on business and expect you to wait for months on end!
Ignore all the ‘Dump him’ advice which is sure to follow soon from others.
Men can be such shites at times. But they mean well also. Take his “excuse” as a sign of respect for you. He respects you enough to give a reason, albeit not a real one yet it’s one that doesn’t leave you in the dark. Hmm, and they say we are from Venus??? :s
It could be true, but then again it mught not be. How well do you know him? How long have you known him for? Has he done this before? These are the questions you should be asking…
He knows he will be so busy for the next 30 days that he could not take even a couple of hours out of 744 hours to see you, even if just for coffee. Man, he must be making shitloads of money.
Such a FOB, don’t buy that excuse. I had a Taiwanese boyfriend a while back who was “too busy” to see me. In hindsight I should have just taken the hint and dumped him instead of trying to hang on to a guy who was on his way out. Don’t humiliate yourself like that. Start dating other guys immediately!
In the guy’s defense, it is possible. I know I’ve had a few times where I’ve dropped right out of sight for a couple of weeks because I’ve been that busy. A month is stretching it, but it is possible. Ask him for details on what’s keeping him so busy (maybe disguise it as offering to help?).
He is just not that into you…believe me! I had that experience. when we just met, he would call if i didn’t call him that day…we met every day. after half year, he always said that he was busy doing homework when I called…he said he loved me in tears when we were breaking up…
men are sometimes as weird as women :loco:
I wish you were right Tetsuo. We girls want to believe a guy when he says stuff like “sorry baby, I’m just so busy”. But to be honest, I don’t see a good ending for SuchAFOB and Mr. I’m too busy for 30 days.
Of course I’d be delighted if this guy did happen to come through. Keep us posted!
Well in my experience with my current GF she has to leave oz and go back to TW for 6 weeks and I know that she will keep in touch with me and send me txt messages and vice versa…and ofc I will call her as much as I can coz I will miss her like mad!!! But we got into this relationship based on the understanding that she has to go back to TW to work etc… I am passing on my story to you so you may shed a bit more light upon youre current predicament.
Hey mate b4 I blab more I might add that I hope it works out between you guys and he is geniune!!!
Anyway…did he tell you what he is doing for the month away? are you guys remaining in contact? is he going to another city/suburb? All I say is that if he is in the same city as you then forget it… if you even care for someone remotley regardless of of a relationship you wouldnt say that to them right? and if he is working ‘AWAY’ then maybe you didnt tell us that you guys will remain in contact… As you can see I am not clear on what you mean by busy or contact hehehe let us know coz if you posted here you obvisouly needed some help and if you lay all the cards out on the deck I am sure you can get a pretty damn fine and accurate response from another member here!!!
I wish you were right Tetsuo. We girls want to believe a guy when he says stuff like “sorry baby, I’m just so busy”. But to be honest, I don’t see a good ending for SuchAFOB and Mr. I’m too busy for 30 days.
Of course I’d be delighted if this guy did happen to come through. Keep us posted![/quote]
Erhu,
a) HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
b) there have been a couple of threads recently that have suggested d+r is too male dominated. This thread has been started by a lady asking for advice about male behaviour. The males have responded emphatically in the guys defence saying that we men do ‘drop off the face of the earth’ from time to time and that this might not be a dump line. And all the women have said… He is lying dump him.
Hmmmmmmmmmmm.
So even when we do give good advice it seems the women just don’t want to listen.
Fact is, there’s no enough information to offer advice one way or the other. There are all kinds of reasons the guy’s excuse could be genuine. I used to regularly “drop out of sight” for things such as race training, usually for much longer than a month. Didn’t mean there was a lack of feelings, just that I was too busy for distractions.
FOB, maybe your guy is coming to the crisis point in a very expensive MBA program? Maybe he’s into a work project that could make or break his career – all kinds of possibilities, yes, including that he just finds you boring .
Easiest thing, as I said before, is just to ask him. He knows the answer better than any of us.
If this happened to me I would take it as a sign that the guy didn’t consider me terribly important, and go on with my life: dating, socializing, whatever. That’s what I would do, anyway. Maybe he’ll pop back in to your life, and maybe not, but in the meantime: don’t wait around sitting in front of the tv alone.
When a guy wants sometihng (namely you), he’ll find the time. No matter if he didn’t sleep for a week, his phone fell in the toilet, his PDA was stolen, he’s on a trip to Timbucktoo where they only had a coin laundry, a grocery and a gas station with no payphone, he’ll find a way to contact you…even if he has to travel 500 miles.
When a guy wants you, nothing is an obstacle…unless he got hit by a truck.
I once met a guy who stopped eating lunch because he was saving money to visit me more often. I didn’t know it then or else I would have stopped him from doing such a silly thing. But still, it gave me little tingles when i heard he did something so extreme for me.
I ask this within the context of communication that happens regularly during normal circumstances:
Can you really think of any ordinary, normal, reasonable case where you wanted to speak to or otherwise contact someone and were unable to do it for 30 days?
No, probably not. People tend to make things happen if they want to, especially routine things like phone calls, email, etc. What truly is so demanding that a person can’t make a phone call in 30 days? Other than for a day or two at a time, the only time that I’ve been unable to contact someone, woman or otherwise, was when I really didn’t want to.
[quote]Can you really think of any ordinary, normal, reasonable case where you wanted to speak to or otherwise contact someone and were unable to do it for 30 days?
No, probably not. People tend to make things happen if they want to, especially routine things like phone calls, email, etc. What truly is so demanding that a person can’t make a phone call in 30 days? [/quote]
True, but that’s not what the OP said. She said he couldn’t SEE her for a month. To me, that means he doesn’t want to actually meet with her.
She says nothing about phone calls, etc., which I agree would be somewhat unusual.
But we got into this relationship based on the understanding that she has to go back to TW to work etc… I am passing on my story to you so you may shed a bit more light upon youre current predicament.
.