Hilariously bad English

[quote=“Namahottie”]
Man I was TOTALLY being tongue in cheek, i.e. SARCASTIC!!! kisses[/quote]

Sorry dahlin’…sometimes I’m just too damn quick on the trigger. :blush:

:flowers:

Your old lady said as much when she was around my place the other night. :wink:

Too many funny things to comment on, but …

[quote=“rotorman”]Here is a guarantee included with a USB wireless adapter made in Taiwan:

“This product is guaranteed to be free of materials, workmanship, and function.”[/quote]
Finally, truth in advertising!

The OP reminded me of two things:

  1. All of those *%#$%^ furniture kits and Christmas toys that I assembled with the assistance of similar “wondeful universe” directions.

  2. An old, old joke computer program. We used it at work for a while years ago to play jokes on each other and the boss. It was a random word generator. Basically, I think it asked for a few input words, in order to pick roughly related random words, and then the program generated a letter or memo on the topic. The results were absolutely hilarious, especially when the high quality letter was put in someone’s in-box and later emerged complete with signature!

Great description of those most cherished frustrating moments.

[quote=“Chris”]In my line of work, I often come across doozies like this. I correct them. But all too often my corrections are re-corrected back into Chinglish. We editor/translators eventually just have to accept that high-powered, face-conscious locals know more about English than we educated native speakers do.

Yesterday I was asked to correct a paper, written by a native English speaker, that a client said was “Chinglish”. The client had not specified what parts of the paper were wrong. I read the entire paper. There was nothing “Chinglish” about it.[/quote]

At the risk of offending people, I say this belongs in one of the many “Taiwan is ugly blah blah blah” threads.

[quote=“Yellow Cartman”]
At the risk of offending people, I say this belongs in one of the many “Taiwan is ugly blah blah blah” threads.[/quote]

We laugh but it’s not so funny when hospitals and medical personnel screw up the English instructions for medicine.

[quote=“Yellow Cartman”][quote=“Chris”]In my line of work, I often come across doozies like this. I correct them. But all too often my corrections are re-corrected back into Chinglish. We editor/translators eventually just have to accept that high-powered, face-conscious locals know more about English than we educated native speakers do.

Yesterday I was asked to correct a paper, written by a native English speaker, that a client said was “Chinglish”. The client had not specified what parts of the paper were wrong. I read the entire paper. There was nothing “Chinglish” about it.[/quote]

At the risk of offending people, I say this belongs in one of the many “Taiwan is ugly blah blah blah” threads.[/quote]
Oh, lighten up some, YC. Not bashing, just having a good stress-relieving laugh. You can’t tell me honestly that you’re immune to this stuff???

[quote=“Yellow Cartman”][quote=“Chris”]In my line of work, I often come across doozies like this. I correct them. But all too often my corrections are re-corrected back into Chinglish. We editor/translators eventually just have to accept that high-powered, face-conscious locals know more about English than we educated native speakers do.

Yesterday I was asked to correct a paper, written by a native English speaker, that a client said was “Chinglish”. The client had not specified what parts of the paper were wrong. I read the entire paper. There was nothing “Chinglish” about it.[/quote]

At the risk of offending people, I say this belongs in one of the many “Taiwan is ugly blah blah blah” threads.[/quote]
How so? It has nothing to do with ugliness.

It just notes a confounding phenomenon that I encounter far too often in my work. I can’t imagine a native speaker of English saying that his mastery of Chinese surpasses that of a native speaker of Chinese. Even my college professor of Chinese, W. South Coblin, an American who is a genius in Chinese, always humbly deferred to native speakers when it came to the finer points of the language. Yet here the opposite happens far too often to be considered simply isolated events, and is closely connected to the “face” issue.

[quote=“Yellow Cartman”][quote=“Chris”]In my line of work, I often come across doozies like this. I correct them. But all too often my corrections are re-corrected back into Chinglish. We editor/translators eventually just have to accept that high-powered, face-conscious locals know more about English than we educated native speakers do.

Yesterday I was asked to correct a paper, written by a native English speaker, that a client said was “Chinglish”. The client had not specified what parts of the paper were wrong. I read the entire paper. There was nothing “Chinglish” about it.[/quote]

At the risk of offending people, I say this belongs in one of the many “Taiwan is ugly blah blah blah” threads.[/quote]

Well! You certainly offended me! (Where’s the :storming off in a huff: smiley when you need it)
Chris definitely knows whereof he speaks.
But this might be digressing into Work thread territory.

quote]
We laugh but it’s not so funny when hospitals and medical personnel screw up the English instructions for medicine.[/quote]

I once went to the dr. here about a girly problem. I was given little pieces of a chalky substance and told by the girl in the pharmacy, at THE TOP OF HER VOICE, to “PUT THIS INTO YOUR VAGINA!” I was very embarrased and had to remind myself that most of the folks in ear shot likely didn’t understand her. While there was no Chinglish involved, apparently the girl thought foreigner = deaf!

Hmm. Hope this isn’t too much information. :blush:

For more of this check out www.engrish.com

They have pictures and everything, like the sign outside a tattoo parlor in Japan:

TATTOO
BOOBIES

On a T-Shirt: “Because it passes soon, pleasant time is lonely.”

Sign at a Korean restuarant:

“PULKOGI which Mr. Yamamoto produced is the most delisious food made use of special plate. Grilled UDON is good taste flavered with the juice of the PULKOGI-BEEF. It’s satisfied with Korean Home Cooking Barbeque. Korean Food is very healthy!! Please roll it with PULKOGI in fresh CHISHA and enjoy!! If you would eat your fill, you don’t want long time. But that’s Korean magic. You want to do it again!! Because you can’t never forget magical Korean taste!!”

Also on a T-Shirt: “The technic of getting stoned is the trick of marihuana.”

Another T-shirt on a girl: " Easy and sporty." :smiley:

The name of a coffee shop in Japan: “Piss Away.”

A sign on a public lawn: “Don’t touch me, I’m afraid of hurt”

And one for the ladies… Sign outside a bar in Japan: “Bar: Sushi & Men”

I hear you, I really do. I know this ridiculous phenemonon has been discussed before, but I’d just like to add my voice. In my work, I often ghost-write reference letters for university professors or company bosses to sign. Every now and then I’ll get one of the very (self) important ones. :wanker: Perhaps he will be telling me, in a patronizing tone, that I am wrong putting ‘the’ in ‘…based in the Philippines…’. Or any of a tedious multitude of other examples to which I do not wish to devote a drop of energy trying to recall now.

Seeing people so blown-up and arrogant in the face of a native speaker’s polite insistence to the contrary would really wind me up if I let it. But thankfully, it’s not my job to argue the toss with these people. Let them have their ‘face’. I don’t really give a sh*t - it’s not my name on the letter.


Anyway, back to the original spirit of this thread: unashamedly laughing at the bad English of foreigners! :slight_smile: Harmless fun, I say. And it’s not like they don’t laugh at us behind our backs!

HUGE banner in the railway station of a small town in western China:

No Take Tinder Exploder Venenous Pullin Vehicle

That was right above the Wicket Office. I seem to remember the sweet melodies of Kenny G were drifting through the afternoon air. Aahh…

[quote=“housecat”][quote=“Comrade Stalin”]
We laugh but it’s not so funny when hospitals and medical personnel screw up the English instructions for medicine.[/quote]

I once went to the dr. here about a girly problem. I was given little pieces of a chalky substance and told by the girl in the pharmacy, at THE TOP OF HER VOICE, to “PUT THIS INTO YOUR VAGINA!”[/quote]
“You stick it in your ass and dance, Jack.” – Headcrash, Bruce Bethke

[quote]one of the very (self) important ones. Wanker Perhaps he will be telling me, in a patronizing tone, that I am wrong putting ‘the’ in ‘…based in the Philippines…’. Or any of a tedious multitude of other examples to which I do not wish to devote a drop of energy trying to recall now.

Seeing people so blown-up and arrogant in the face of a native speaker’s polite insistence to the contrary would really wind me up if I let it. But thankfully, it’s not my job to argue the toss with these people. Let them have their ‘face’. I don’t really give a sh*t - it’s not my name on the letter. [/quote]
I always just say “Hao, hao, hao, duo keyi, sui bien.” Then I tell 'em to hold on while I print out a copy of my correctly edited one and let them see me date and sign it. Then tell that’s proof of MY editing, should the client complain about subsequent poor English.
And if some pompous twat tells me something is “wrong” I simply respond “it’s not.”

[quote=“Comrade Stalin”]

You foreigners just don’t understand Chinese culture.[/quote]

Man that is your anwser for everything. How many times have you used that one?

back to the topic at hand.

My fav is when ESL people argue with me an insist words from other languages are English.
e.g. uber, champs, deja-vu, taboo, ruksack, etc…

Everyday use or common usage aside; that is not the point I am trying to make with them but they will argue and insist the words are now and have always been English.

I honestly feel like saying “look fuck stick I have been speaking the language for 35 years I may know what the fuck I am talking about!”

However diplomacy wins and I say “oh yes well thank you for correcting my bad English.”
:astonished:

Mid-level government officials are the worst. In my opinion, bank presidents, computer company CEOs, and other internationalists are a joy to deal with. They pay good money and respect and recognize professionalism. Basically, anyone who has lots of international friends, business contacts, and has lived abroad for parts of their lives can usually differentiate between quality and shit. It is the mid-level cretins in certain government ministries that take cultural arrogance to the next level. People from a certain quasi-government ministry, which will remain unnamed, certainly didn’t like it when I said to them:

Your monkey English grammar, local shit degree, and passed tests from the Examination Yuan are frigging useless in the real world. :bravo:

[quote=“shifty”]However diplomacy wins and I say “oh yes well thank you for correcting my bad English.”
[/quote]
That will never pass my lips, even with tongue in cheek. Diplomacy be damned.

[quote=“shifty”][quote=“Comrade Stalin”]

You foreigners just don’t understand Chinese culture.[/quote]

Man that is your anwser for everything. How many times have you used that one?

back to the topic at hand.

My fav is when ESL people argue with me an insist words from other languages are English.
e.g. uber, champs, deja-vu, taboo, ruksack, etc…
[/quote]
I once had someone show me a fax he received, and wanted to know what it said. It was in Tagalog and I don’t know Tagalog, and I told him so. He insisted it was English. He said, “It’s written with English letters. It must be English.” I said, “Trust me. It’s not English. It’s Tagalog, and I don’t know Tagalog.” He said “Could you translate it for me anyway? After all, you should be able to read it. It’s written with English letters.” :noway: :loco:

[quote=“seeker4”][quote=“shifty”]However diplomacy wins and I say “oh yes well thank you for correcting my bad English.”
[/quote]
That will never pass my lips, even with tongue in cheek. Diplomacy be damned.[/quote]
I’d never say that either. I tend to say “I disagree, but if that’s really what you want, that’s what I’ll write.” After all, it will be their name on it, and they will look the fool.

I once wrote a paper, in which I said that Mao gained the support of the pheasants…
My teacher said it was the funniest mistake he had ever seen.

In the waning days of my association with a very very large local bushiban chain, it was current policy for the MOE to be supplied with a Chinese translation of new teachers’ diplomas.
The chain hired a “specialist” whose sole gig was to provide such translations.
A new applicant was asked to generate his own translation on more than one occasion.
Aside from the patent lunacy of that, the best part was that the “specialist” couldn’t translate the document, he didn’t speak “German”.
The diploma was, naturally, in Latin.