Hold hands to walk in the park

Life Dating & Relationships
1

It is the first time i visit here to write something, perhaps you guys could give me good advice.

I am a TW girl. 3years ago, i knew an UK man at work in an international trade company, after i quit the job, we still contacted to each other and talked a lot by email, msn, skype, mobil as very good and very speical friends. He came to Taiwan only on his business trip, we met when he was in Taiwan.

I have very good feeling on him, but because at the moment i had my boyfriend, i know he also likes me a lot, but becaue of our backgrounds and the distance, we only could be very good friends, and he is exactly a gentelman.

Unfortunately, few months ago, i broke up with my 5-year-boyfriend, i did have a broken heart. Definitely, i told him about my love story.
His last business trip in taiwan, we had afternoon tea, went shopping, dinnered together and had a very good time.

Then, he sent me home, we walked and held hands about half hour on my way home. We were silent when holding hands tightly. We had kiss good-bye. Difference is he kissed on my cheek to say good bye before, but last time, the goodbye kiss was on my lips.

Confused is …I know the western culture, kiss goodbye is quite normal, hold hands might be normal as well.

Am I too serious on this…? :blush:

I don’t want to be the kind of girl as someone wrote " date for x weeks and he is already the new b.f/ future hasband", i don’t want i am like this in his mind… I just want to know what you foreigner’s view of points on my story i could refer…

Thank you in advance.

2

It sounds as though he has feelings for you.

In western cultures, someone who just regards you as a good friend wouldn’t hold your hand while walking in the park, and would give you a peck on the cheek rather than on the lips. Sounds as if he is interested and taking things a little at a time, in a most gentlemanly way.

Good luck! :slight_smile:

3

I’m a foreign girl and that’s what I would think:

He likes me a lot but is not sure and wants to take it slow. So don’t rush anything and give him his space.

What he probably thinks is, that you are not over your ex-boyfriend yet and that Chinese girls are shy. So he’s afraid to scare you away.

Basically, seems like you’re on a good way to become a couple, but things are delicate.

4

Also keep in mind that while western men move PHYSICALLY more fast than local men, they move emotionally slower. So even if he likes you SO MUCH, you aren’t his girlfriend until he says you are.

5

BINGO ding! ding! ding!

6

Dear Friend,

Seems you got the point which i am confused.

I do believe he really likes me, coz he told me he likes me much more than i might think.

Let us name him UK1.
Since last business trip he back to UK, we kept connect as usual, BUT…
as i mentioned, there is a long distance between us, and his Taiwan’s business trip is not regular, ( 1-2 times per year or more time).

Then, on July, i knew a new friend also from UK, let us name him UK2, he is in Taiwan and he show his passion to me without any hesitate, of course, i talk about UK2 with UK1.

UK1 stood on " very good friend’s" position to suggest me to BE WITH HIM, he told me no matter what relationship i am with UK2, he will always be my friend as long as i wish.

I am not with anyone else now. I treat UK2 as a friend, i don’t have the strong feelings on him as what i have on UK1.

Then, UK2 also back to England, but he plans to have his personal trip for me during the coming Chinese New Year. I am wondering, why UK1 never thought to have personal trip for me…?

I am so confused and feel like to stop, it seems everything is impossible. somehow it is difficult to have a good day without hearing from UK1.

I like UK1, but i don’t understand what he thinks, if he has such good feelings on me as well, why he can be no jealous to suggest me to be with UK2. Maybe he realises the distance and our background doesn’t help a relationship, what i feel is, even if he likes me, but impossibly we will be togethre. :noway:

7

Maybe he cares about you a lot, but is afraid to tell you not to be with the other guy; that you’ll think he’s being too possessive. This is a big difference between westerners and Asians; western men will never, or at least not usually, tell a girl they are interested in what they cannot do. If they did, most western women would show them the door and tell them to get out. :wink:

8

There is your problem, stop dating guys from the UK… or Canada. :America:

9

Maybe he cares about you a lot, but is afraid to tell you not to be with the other guy; that you’ll think he’s being too possessive. This is a big difference between westerners and Asians; western men will never, or at least not usually, tell a girl they are interested in what they cannot do. If they did, most western women would show them the door and tell them to get out. :wink:[/quote]

Hmm…it makes sense, seems Asinas men prefer to control women more than to believe women’s brains.

Maybe in Taiwan, we were educated to obey any rules, not to educated to Think/ Create and be confident to do anything you like to do. Honestly, we are really not good in revealling ourselves or solving the problems in a relationship. Especially, i am a shy girl.

I would like to think, but i don’t know wether my thinkings are mature or to destroy everything. So, in the past, I used to listen to my ex in any issues as he was my world. Coz, “I feel Security in listening to someone is experienced.”

By now, i might try to show the door and ask him to get out if any controlled behavior to me… :notworthy:

10

Also, trying to get UK1 jealous with UK2 is not a good move on your part.

That’s what I think anyway.

UK3 :wink:

11

[quote=“mesheel”]I’m a foreign girl and that’s what I would think:

He likes me a lot but is not sure and wants to take it slow. So don’t rush anything and give him his space.

What he probably thinks is, that you are not over your ex-boyfriend yet and that Chinese girls are shy. So he’s afraid to scare you away.

Basically, seems like you’re on a good way to become a couple, but things are delicate.[/quote]

Somehow i really want to have a foreigner brain as yours now…

12

[quote=“Stray Dog”]Also, trying to get UK1 jealous with UK2 is not a good move on your part.

That’s what I think anyway.

UK3 :wink:[/quote]

ok, thanks… UK3… ~>"<~

To make anyone jealous doesn’t help anything… :astonished:

13

Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Long distance relationships don’t work.

UK1 might be a nice person and treat you well when he is in Taiwan once or twice a year, but one really has to be madly in love (or crazy) to devote oneself to one person that one sees so infrequently. Assuming he spends 2 weeks here per year, that’s 1/26th of the year, or slightly less than 4% of his time in Taiwan. The other 96% of the time he’s living his life in UK, surrounded by woman. Do you really believe he is 100% faithful to you, with whom he has held hands in the park and kissed once on the lips? :unamused:

In case you’re uncertain, the answer is no, definitely not.

Why has he only come to see you on business trips and not made a special trip? Because it’s a very long, expensive and time-consuming trip and so far he’s not so crazy about you that it’s worthwhile. You may be very nice and kind and special and he may have strong feelings for you, but there are a billion other women in the world, and a few million of them are in the UK. Perhaps some day the relationship will grow to the point that he’ll feel it’s worth making a special trip just to see you, or perhaps not. But it IS a big trip and it’s unfair to beat yourself up over that. It’s not like coming across town.

Which is why it’s not such a great idea to enter into a serious relationship with someone from the other side of hte world, unless they move here and plan to stay here for a while.

I suggest you keep up your communications with UK1 and see what happens, but definitely don’t devote yourself solely to him. Get out and meet other people, have a good time, consider other relationships that might develop (but don’t share all the juicy details with UK1 or you’ll just kill whatever potential that longshot relationship might have).

14

I agree with you, Mother Theresa.

Actually, i ever thought i might one of his female good friends whom UK1 likes to Flirt with for fun, for making jokes, for free talk. Or if he really has the passion as he said on me, why i could not see he action it… I had some terrible thoughts about what he thinks on me e.g. he just use me to prove himself is still attractive.

I also think, as the matters you considered, long distance relationship doesnt work out, we are apart away again and we don’t know when( the exact time) we will meet again in the future, difficult for me to leave taiwan to UK coz i would be totally delay on him in a western country and also i have some UK visa problems. He would like me to know more male friends in Taiwan. Meanwhile, he wants to carry on the VERY GOOD FRIEND relationship with me, but said Things will be different in the future.

What UK2 is wanting to do is what i expect UK1 to do. Not only to make a special trip for me, but also come to know my friends, intend to live in Taiwan for a while.

UK2 gives me the feelings i never had, ’ I am really desired and wanted."

Somehow i am disappointed UK1 is not so passionate as UK2. I am sad of this. It is the reason why i don’t agree to be UK2’s girl friend and prefer to be alone now.

If to mix UK1 and UK2 in one person, the world will be more colorful for me. Well, Never expect life will go on as all your wishes.

Perhaps the important thing is unecessary to rush it… be more patient, be silent, if he is my Mr. Right, he is never gone…

So far by the replies here, i can have more sure that he is a gentelman and interested in me…

15

Dear Meowmee,

UK1 is a more realistic person than UK2. Depending on their background it is very difficult to find a job in Taiwan, especially if they do not speak Chinese. Do you want to have a boyfriend who is impulsive and gives up a secure life in the UK to be with you in Taiwan. Would you still want to be with him if he was unemployed?
Would you yourself give up everything here and go to the UK to live with either UK1 or UK2. Both of whom you do not know that well?

If he’s Mr. Right, you’ll find a way to be together that suits you both. In the meantime I’d do what Mother Teresa suggested, I suggest you keep up your communications with UK1 and see what happens, but definitely don’t devote yourself solely to him. Get out and meet other people.

BTW, UK1 might just be busier in his job than UK2. That might be why he doesn’t consider a private trip to Taiwan to see you.

16

Until a guy says ‘I want you to be my GF’ or publicly refer to you as his GF in front of others or introduces you to his friends as your GF - then you and him are not BF/GF. He can hold your hand, kisses you on your lips, sleep with you - that DOESN’T mean he considers you as his GF. Not that I want to burst your bubble, but unless he says something about wanting to move this relationship/friendship to the next stage, you shouldn’t assume anything. The best you can do now is like what the others have said - date other men as well and don’t pin too much hopes/expectations on this guy. Good Luck!

17

UK1 + UK2 = UK3 :smiley:

Got any pics? :wink:

UK3

18

Ahhh, puppy love. So fleeting. Have fun and enjoy it while it lasts.
and then it’s time to get back to the real world.

19

Dear Mesheel

You indicate a good point of could i give up everything here to be with UK1 or UK2 either. It is possiable NOT. Be realistic, how can i make a living in the UK? Unless UK1 or UK2 could make a living for me or i am such lucky to have a job there. And… although i knew UK1 for 3years, only by the secience and technology INTERNET, not in real life. Do i know him well enough? I can’t say that. To living in overseas must to have a very strong decision and willing. I don’t think the relationship is strong enough to encourge me to make such a decision now.

It is right UK1 is busier than UK2 because he works for his own carrer. UK2 is employeed, he might be more free than UK1 sometimes.

Well, most male friends i know from work place and my social life is not so HOT, so i usually don’t have many dates. There are billion male in the world, there might million male in Taiwan, to find someone who has good feeling to match is not so easy. Unless people want to have “easy come, easy go” relationships, or i prefer to have a nice book with me alone than to seek and hurt.

Of course, if there is a good guy i meet in life, i would like to have dates rather than to read a nice book alone. :sunglasses:

20

UK1 + UK2 = UK3 :smiley:

Got any pics? :wink:

UK3[/quote]

UK3

:unamused:

I am a black eyes, Black hair, short girl, always rush to work, as you can see any girls on the street in Taipei.

Unless i learn how to post a pic here, or i am just bite and byte .

:smiling_imp: