Homesick

housecat · March 1, 2004, 3:11pm

I’ve never been homesick before. Wherever I’ve gone I’ve always been very happy to be there. I’ve been here five years now and I’m starting to get homesick. I haven’t been “home” in three years now, and can’t go soon. But I can’t stop thinking of “home.” And things here are really starting to get to me. I really need some ideas.

I eat the food I like most of the time because I cook. I even learned how to make my fav candy at home. I spend a lot on phone bills talking to friends. What else can I do?

I’m sure that five years into Taiwan is a bit too late to call this culture shock. I did have a baby a year ago and realize that’s an huge change in itself. But what can I do now? I don’t have time to read because I have a one year old.

Any suggestions?

Joesox · March 1, 2004, 4:00pm

Not sure whether this will be any help - just ideas from the top of my head;

Although you said you can’t visit home for a while yet, can you start to plan the time when you will go? Perhaps making it more definite will make you feel better in the meantime.

Then, that done, can you take any steps to improve your social life here? Can you leave your child with your husband or a babysitter at least once a week and go out with friends, go to some classes or do another activity? I remember talking to other mums of young children who found this kind of opportunity very useful. Perhaps you’re doing this already - it just occurred to me that getting more variety in your life here could also be a way of easing homesickness.

This is not relevant to your question, but I had an odd type of homesickness in my first few months here. Although I’m from England, places in continental Europe and also Scotland were where I missed most and sometimes dreamed about. Now, apart from my family and old friends, I just miss wide, relatively clean and uncrowded city streets with nice buildings built more than 20 years ago. Oh, and some food stuff - nothing specific but I miss shopping in UK supermarkets- it’s just not the same here. (Of course, by that token, there’s some good stuff here that the UK doesn’t have).

Hope you feel better soon.

almas_john · March 1, 2004, 4:21pm

Housecat,

It’s normal that you should feel homesick when you are taking care of a baby. Doing it without the help and support of your family and close friends (in-laws don’t really count) is very hard.

My parents moved to New Zealand in 1967. My sister was one and I was born the following year. Mum says that it was really difficult bringing up us kids without any support networks.

Be easy on yourself and don’t treat periods of sadness as a personal failing.

John.

braxtonhicks · March 2, 2004, 12:56am

I second what the other two have said. Of course, I’m better at giving the advice than actually doing it myself but I know that I’ve managed this long because I’ve got a support system here. That, and access to the net where I can keep in touch with friends. I also did a ton of reading online when my other baby was very little and sleeping a lot in my arms.

Remember, I’ve offered to have your baby over here if you need a little time to yourself. You could go and see a movie, do some window shopping, etc.

QuietMountain · March 2, 2004, 3:20pm

I did a study on homesickness in my masters program. It wasn’t an extensive study, but most of the literature agrees that homesickness can occur at any time and in anyone, even if you’ve lived away from home before, for a long time, etc…

As others have mentioned, the very fact that you are away from home while raising your child (is this a first child?), without any of the “usual” support one would expect from family and friends, could be causing it. As could the fact that it has been 3 years since you were last home. I’d be curious to know if this is the first time you’ve gone that long without going home.

My advice is very similar to the rest. Try to find someone you trust to take your child for a half day or day. Find a course or activity that you like to do and do it – a class, going out with friends, joining the movie club group on here and venturing out with them when they see a flick, etc…

Also, I think the idea of planning your next trip back home is a good idea. If you have a definite time in mind when you’ll next see your family and friends, even if that is another year from now, I think it will help. I know, for me, having an end in site (especially when I am in a situation where I may not be completely happy, for whatever reason) helps make things easier.

Finally, and this may sound harsh, stop thinking of wherever you are from as home. I know this is a hard one to do. But, if your child and your husband are here in Taiwan, than this is your home. They say that “home is where the heart is.” So, where is your heart?

Ok… before you beat me up for this one… let me explain my reasoning. Peruse through some of my posts and you will know I’ve had a hard time adjusting to living in Taiwan (for many reasons which I won’t go into now). However, one thing that has started to help me, lately, is to stop thinking of the US as my home. When I talk about going to the US, I try to say just that “go to the US” or “go to back to the US” and not, “go home.”

So, for instance, in July I plan on going to the US to visit my friends and family there. But, I am not going home. I am home, right now. Taiwan, whether I like it or not, whether I’m having a good day or a bad day, is now my home. My bf is my “heart” and he is here. So, if “home is where the heart is,” my home is here, where he is.

In psychology, there is a theory that behaviors change attitudes and attitudes change behaviors. In this case, you are changing a behavior – ie., the way you think about and talk about your country of origin and Taiwan. If you can start to change those behaviors, you may just start changing the way you feel.

You’ve said that you’ve always felt comfortable here (or anywhere you’ve lived). So, if you are comfortable here, why do you not think of this as home?

Just my NT$2 worth.

QuietMountain · March 2, 2004, 3:32pm