Which one has the hotness delusion? Some guy makes small talk to her in a museum, she found him boring and unnattractive, so she writes a snarky little column accusing him of “hotness delusion” because a slob like him should obviously know better than to try and talk to such a smoking hottie as her. I guess I must suffer from hotness delusion syndrome for having the audacity to talk to girls. Apparently, unless you look like Brad Pitt, some women will take offense at your trying to chat them up.
Anyway, I don’t understand why some women get so violently upset when a guy hits on them. The guy in the article may have been a bore and physically unattractive, but his small talk was harmless - he wasn’t making any crude come-ons or being sexual in any way.
First of all, this is just what guys are supposed to do. I figured out a long time ago that if I ever wanted a girlfriend, the first step was to actually talk to girls. If you wait around for girls to approach you, you will never, ever get laid (unless you’re super-handsome). Dating is a numbers game: the more girls you talk to, the greater chances you have that you might find one that you like and likes you. Simple math. For whatever reasons, women are not in the habit of making the first moves when they see a cute guy. They’ll look in his direction, catch his eyes, and maybe smile at him if they feel bold. But they rarely walk up to the guy and strike up small talk. Unless they are a little drunk, and I really hate pick up bars. Guys are supposed to pick up these non-verbal cues that it’s OK to go over and hit on a girl. The problem is a) the vast majority of guys are clueless when it comes to non-verbal communication (we are not mind-readers) and b) women only flirt with guys they don’t know if he’s good-looking, but what if you’re only average-looking or below average? How are you going to charm her with your personality if you don’t talk to her? Don’t women claim they’re more into personality than looks?
Second of all, getting hit on by someone you are not attracted to is not that big of a deal. I get hit on by gay guys every now and then, and never once in my life has it been an issue that left me steaming with anger or in tears. It’s something to politely shrug off by showing disinterest. A couple of weeks ago the guy behind the counter at Subway was doing the same thing the guy in the article did, making inane small talk at me in a way that was pretty obvious he was trying to pick me up. (He kept forgetting my sandwich orders seconds after I’d given them, and my change at the counter, that was another clue that his mind was on his dick not his job.) After I finished my order and was sitting down to eat my sandwich, one of the ladies who worked there tapped me on the shoulder and asked in a concerned tone if I was alright. Of course I was alright. I’m not the sort of homophobic guy that gets mortally offended when a gay man starts hitting on me, unless he’s doing it in a crude sexual manner. I was slightly annoyed by the guy behind the counter, because I just wanted to get my sandwich and go, but did he do anything wrong? He saw a cute guy (me) and tried talking to him. I politely showed that I wasn’t gay and wasn’t interested by answering all of his questions in monosyllables, without being rude about it. I think most people can pick up on that sort of non-interest in about a minute or so of conversation. So, the guy in the article’s big mistake was cluelessness, carrying on the conversation after she’d shown she wasn’t interested in him. But hardly a crime. After all, most men are in general clueless when it comes to women, and women should realize that - women should make things more obvious, if they like or dislike a guy, because either way, most guys just won’t get it.
That’s a nasty, dumb woman’s article right there. It’s a woman trying to be manly. You know how guys only want 16 year old models?? She is trying to be a female guy.
I also do not understand why people still claim, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that Taiwan is a heaven for white guys trying to pick up women. I suppose it would be different if I didn’t speak Mandarin like a 5 year old, but the vast majority of foreigners here rarely reach even that level of fluency. Going out to bars/clubs or walking around the supermarket, it was clear that 95% were simply not interested in me or white guys in general. Or so it seemed? I came to understand that “chatting up” doesn’t work in Taiwan, not the same way it works back home. Taiwanese women seem to have a taboo about meeting male strangers. You must be introduced or have some sort of pre-existing social connection via work, school, or friends for them to have a plausible excuse for talking to you. You can’t just strike up a random conversation with a stranger in Taiwan, not with normal people, it seems (the psychos are a whole 'nother story). Funnily enough, nearly every foreign girl I met in Taiwan seemed approachable and friendly to random small talk from, women from a variety of places and cultures - South Americans, North Americans, South Africans, Europeans, Australians. So it’s clearly a Taiwanese cultural thing, a Taiwanese code of taboo.
It’s pretty striking the difference back home. Now that I’m in America, hardly a day goes by when I don’t find myself talking to a pretty girl that I just met. They’re everywhere, on the bus, the library, the park, the swimming pool, the restaurants, the computer lab, the bars of course even though I don’t care for them. 9 times out of 10 it doesn’t lead anywhere, often because they bring up the B-word (“my boyfriend…blah blah blah…”) inserted at some point in the conversation, but there are far worse ways to spend my time than spending several minutes talking to a beautiful woman. It’s surprising how much more friendly and approachable women are here than in Taiwan - it takes little more than a small smile and hello, and if she doesn’t appear interested, then all you wasted was a smile. The signals of wanting/not wanting to be approached aren’t that difficult to read. I don’t think it’s just down to the language barrier, either, though that obviously is a huge factor. Women back here, by the time they’re in their 20s and 30s, have had much more experience in dating and relationships; they’ve had several previous boyfriends, have dated at least a dozen to twenty guys in their lifetime, and so they know their way around men. Most Taiwanese men and women, by contrast…well, you all know the score - most (not all, by certain) inexperienced and very naive; not unusual to see virgins well into their 20s and 30s. Anyway, my original point was, it’s high time to lay the Charisma Man myth to rest. I get WAAAY more female attention in America than I ever did in Taiwan. And even in Taiwan, the foreign girls gave me more attention than the local girls. Now, how do you explain that?
You’re a stud and TW girls can’t spot quality when they see it.
No, I think it’s mostly two factors:
- Language/cultural barrier
- Innate shyness due to cultural conditioning
I was being wry. Can we have a sarcasmaholic meeting here??? I need to work on my delivery.
When I was in Korea I hooked up with a grand total of 3 Korean chicks, 1 halfer, and 6 foriegn chicks. And for every foreign chick there was 1000 korean chicks! I found some of the same issues you mentioned: Virgins with Granny panies, language barrier, or just complete idiots that couldn’t _uck themselves!
I would have to say my favorite type of chicks are the Aussies, they are always a blast and their accent is orgasmic!
[quote=“Quentin”]Anyway, I don’t understand why some women get so violently upset when a guy hits on them. The guy in the article may have been a bore and physically unattractive, but his small talk was harmless - he wasn’t making any crude come-ons or being sexual in any way.
First of all, this is just what guys are supposed to do. I figured out a long time ago that if I ever wanted a girlfriend, the first step was to actually talk to girls. If you wait around for girls to approach you, you will never, ever get laid (unless you’re super-handsome). Dating is a numbers game: the more girls you talk to, the greater chances you have that you might find one that you like and likes you. Simple math. For whatever reasons, women are not in the habit of making the first moves when they see a cute guy. They’ll look in his direction, catch his eyes, and maybe smile at him if they feel bold. But they rarely walk up to the guy and strike up small talk. Unless they are a little drunk, and I really hate pick up bars. Guys are supposed to pick up these non-verbal cues that it’s OK to go over and hit on a girl. The problem is a) the vast majority of guys are clueless when it comes to non-verbal communication (we are not mind-readers) and b) women only flirt with guys they don’t know if he’s good-looking, but what if you’re only average-looking or below average? How are you going to charm her with your personality if you don’t talk to her? Don’t women claim they’re more into personality than looks?
Second of all, getting hit on by someone you are not attracted to is not that big of a deal. I get hit on by gay guys every now and then, and never once in my life has it been an issue that left me steaming with anger or in tears. It’s something to politely shrug off by showing disinterest. A couple of weeks ago the guy behind the counter at Subway was doing the same thing the guy in the article did, making inane small talk at me in a way that was pretty obvious he was trying to pick me up. (He kept forgetting my sandwich orders seconds after I’d given them, and my change at the counter, that was another clue that his mind was on his dick not his job.) After I finished my order and was sitting down to eat my sandwich, one of the ladies who worked there tapped me on the shoulder and asked in a concerned tone if I was alright. Of course I was alright. I’m not the sort of homophobic guy that gets mortally offended when a gay man starts hitting on me, unless he’s doing it in a crude sexual manner. I was slightly annoyed by the guy behind the counter, because I just wanted to get my sandwich and go, but did he do anything wrong? He saw a cute guy (me) and tried talking to him. I politely showed that I wasn’t gay and wasn’t interested by answering all of his questions in monosyllables, without being rude about it. I think most people can pick up on that sort of non-interest in about a minute or so of conversation. So, the guy in the article’s big mistake was cluelessness, carrying on the conversation after she’d shown she wasn’t interested in him. But hardly a crime. After all, most men are in general clueless when it comes to women, and women should realize that - women should make things more obvious, if they like or dislike a guy, because either way, most guys just won’t get it.[/quote]
This article merely reflects how much of a bore Alex Brooks is. Maybe the guy just wanted someone to talk to. Maybe he is a good talker and has picked up younger women before.
Not all young women look for a young stud. Some want a guy who can take care of them.
Quentin is back! We missed you mate.
I’m both sorry and strangely comforted to see that you haven’t changed a bit. Still raging against situations that are largely of your own creation; still the put-upon, harassed victim; and still without a clue about how to get what you want.
Very simply, because not everyone’s experience is the same as yours. For some men it obviously is a great place and they have a lot of success with women.
I knew Western women who could get dates with Taiwanese guys any time they wanted. I, on the other hand, couldn’t say hello to one without him running for the hills.
And didn’t we already go through this years ago? 
Welcome back, Quinton! Like Tomas, I’m thrilled to see you, but both comforted and disturbed that you’re still singing this same old song.
Glad you went back to the States, though, and that you’ve had some measure of success there with at least some aspect of your life.
Well, I agree the woman who wrote that article is being a bitch. In a public place, there is no harm in chatting with strangers. The man didn’t say anything crude.
I must admit it used to bother me when men would approach me to chat, but now I think 1. they are not necessarily trying to pick me up anyway (I’m older now), 2. having a casual chat with a stranger is harmless, 3. maybe the person will be interesting, become a friend, etc., 4. even if they are trying to pick me up, there’s nothing wrong with trying. Hey, make your play.
Reminds me I need the get the fuck back to my own country…
I find cliques (which is what most groups of ‘friends’ are, IMHO!) repulsive and am not always that congenial in conversation (too spiky or, too off the wall or whatever - not ‘nice’ enough, not bending over backwards to do and say the right things!).
I hate using people, getting favors out of them, so will probably never get set up…
It’s fair enough, in a way. I think you need to be ready to play the game in order to be ready to get a good girl friend, because that sociability is what most girls will expect as the foundation of a relationship.
Having a girlfriend is then all about looking after her and her image, etc in exchange for company and sex. That is not where I am at.
It’s natural selection/self-replication. Girls don’t want to be stuck with a guy who isn’t manipulate-able. If they can’t control him or see him conform to the subtle niceties of social life - he isn’t the kind of guy you can game in your relationship.
Girls don’t believe in the long term value or the existence of true love, and certainly hold little regard for its utility because it is too risky for all involved. Many are frightened of men. Many more are taught that the way to be happy is to be able to get what you want (security). You get this from people (friends, money, employment, etc). Ergo use your looks, your friends and whatever else to get the things that will supposedly make you happy. It’s not a conspiracy it is a real-love-politik; and it’s just what people think.
There are nice ones about on a Saturday night who give me the eye. But I never know what to do or think about it in time to capitalize… just walk on is what I do… less bloody problems anyway!
I do not need to have or talk to a beautiful girl in order to find my self-worth.
That’s a bit sad, trubadour. I know for a fact that not all women are like that. I hope you find some real women soon, rather than the handbag carriers you seem to be looking for.
You’re right, painted boob guy. But I can relate to what he was saying there, and there do seem to be more women “like that” here. After a while, you do start thinking like troob, who, by the sound of it, has reached the “why bother?” stage and is trying to hold on to the last vestiges of his self-esteem. It’s just so much bloody effort to find ones that have more emotional depth than a five-year-old. I doubt he’s specifically looking for the handbag-carriers (is anybody?) but if you’re that kind of guy who likes to make a girl feel comfortable, it’s quite easy to let your personality flop into that soft, compliant, mouthbreathing Taiwanese-boyfriend mould and then later think, WTF? Where did my balls go?
Indeed.
Look for women who have done some growing up outside Taiwan. Going to a foreign uni for an MA, for example, or in sports clubs. Some VERY HOT sports chicks around, as Tommy would say.
Oh, and the woman in the OP? She’s SO unhot that she attracts the ugly guys because they are aiming at an appropriate level, yet she does not realise it. It’s the real meaning of Hotness delusional syndrome she quotes for all the wrong reasons…
Pictures, please.
I think it has a lot to do with the fact that speaking Mandarin like a five-year-old (or younger) is hardly going to show off anyone’s personality. And that’s assuming that a girl knows that her family wouldn’t go ballistic if she brought home a foreigner who could communicate and act like a civilized person (in the opinion of a Taiwanese family), let alone a semi-barbarian who would need a lot of explanations both to and for him.
I have had male friends in Taiwan who speak fluent Mandarin (who, despite having stellar personalities, were really not going to make it into the “super-hot” column, and who were mostly a little older than the average – and some of whom had what might be considered outright physical issues that would be nearly disqualifying on the mass-popular-culture dating index) who never lacked for dates or girlfriends. They mostly met women in church, in bookstores, or in classes – places where people speak to one another. These were not all “only in it for marriage” relationships, either. So maybe a few more Mandarin lessons might be in order, and a little less assumption that just looking good is enough (in some cases, that would be a lot less assumption that just looking good is enough.) It’s not that hard a language to become conversational in, after all. Once you can speak intelligently, I’m sure she’ll be happy to work on your reading and writing with you. 
I honestly think guys sometimes get confused when they come here. Especailly guys who’ve never left the States before.
There are girls here who will “hit” just about anything white/black/brown. Some girls have a foreigner fetish. As I understand it (and really, this is all hearsay comming from me), these girls usually hang out in the same bars that the foreigner guys like. That makes sense, right? You don’t hunt buffalo in a lion’s den after all, and there’s plenty of social lubrication available to all parties.
So, an average to well below average guy from back home (looks and intellect), suddenly has a really easy time “scoring” with Taiwanese girls. He doesn’t really realize, or take the time to think about, why this is suddenly so easy. Why would he? He’s suddenly getting more sex from better looking girls than he’s ever had in his life.
Then, when he’s tired of easy sex with easy girls and starts to want a relationship, he’s confronted with the fact that he suddenly still can’t get women.
He can’t speak the language well enough, he’s still of only average intelligence, still average looking (although that may really not matter as much–his one advantage), and has to date someone old enough to be his mother in order to find a woman of an acceptable level of maturity.
Poor guys.