How do I earn the respect of old Taiwanese parents?

Life Dating & Relationships
1

So I thought that my wife’s parents liked me…they always seem friendly when I’m over visiting with them…

But my wife recently told me that they were complaining that she married a foreigner from a “broken family”. I gotta say I was really upset and offended when I heard this because they never brought it up to me before. My parents divorced while I was in college and I still have great relationships with both of them. I mean it’s not my fault they split up.

Would it be rude to sit down and talk to them about what they said or should I just let it go?

2

You have to bite their ears. Ancient Chinese trick.

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3

Just let it go man. People be fake and judgemental for no reason sometimes.

Keep ‘em at a healthy distance from now on.

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4

Honestly, be an earner and have a job with prestige. Everything else doesn’t matter.

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5

From personal experience, whatever you do won’t change their view that you are from a broken family if they knew it before you marry her. If they didn’t know it before, I would amicably talk to them and explain. Otherwise forget and leave your happy life with your wife, they are just trying to pick on whatever they can to not be satisfied with you.

6

The smarter move would’ve been to never allow that piece of information (re: your parents’ divorce) to be divulged to begin with. But, it’s too late now.

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7

Second that.

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8

I’m trying it’s hard because we visit them a lot and it seems like whenever theres a problem it’s always said behind my back and not to my face

9

Don’t visit as often. Say you have to work. Say you have coronavirus.

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10

You should change the frequency. Even if they loved you, it is not very healthy for in-laws to be extremely close to a couple. Especially in a inter cultural marriage.

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11

Lol that might work

12

I hope your wife knows to come to your defense. The most important thing is she’s on your side.

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13

Yeah I agree…it’s so different here everyone is so close to their parents even into adulthood

14

for what did she tell it to you? She could defend you instead.

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15

It is one of the biggest problems and sometimes cause of divorce here. Be careful with that. What seems harmless in the beginning may become insidious and grow out of proportion. If you are recently married that’s a great opportunity to establish certain healthy distance as @Hanna suggested. The distance makes people miss each other, less expectations of smaller things, more bound when they are sharing time together. When everything is mixed up and daily phone calls or every weekend visit etc everyone starts getting under each other’s skin. What seems paradise can become torment in less than a year.

It is difficult to establish the distance at first, but that could keep your marriage healthy. Think about in the future if there is any quarrel between them and you, how bad would your wife be positioned? Culturally she would be less likely inclined to go against her parents. So the best solution is to avoid problems at once.

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16

yeah she told them it’s not my fault I can’t control what my parents decide to do…her sister did same exact thing as her and married a non taiwanese with divorced parents so they were complaining about both of us lol

17

Why do you think your wife raised the issue with you?

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18

not sure we were just causally talking because she was over there visiting without me, I guess she just wanted to let me know her parents were talking crap about me

19

It’s up to your wife (and her sister) to establish and enforce boundaries with their parents about bad-mouthing their spouses.

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20

imo this is your wifes job to tell your parents whats what.

she needs to have your back, and if she doesn’t then you need to tell her to grow a pair of ovaries.

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