Does anyone have an Ancient Chinese Secret for how to keep your underwear - specifically mens cotton underwear - from getting all ratty and washed out?
Answers should not include:
buy new ones you cheap bastard
don’t wash them
don’t use detergent
I spend an above average amount of money on my underwear, except for ahem emergencies I always get em at a particular store in the US when I go back on breaks. But after a month or two in the rotation, they get ratty and rigid and crumply and itchy (a level of itchiness above standard jock itch and chlamydia). What gives? What is the secret? What is the Matrix!!!
[edit] also, what’s with all the Agent Smiths in the last and lamest Matrix? I mean yeah I get the program replicating thing but I mean from a production and marketing standpoint, who let them put that in the script?
You just don’t understand Taiwanese underwear would be my first response.
You just don’t understand Taiwanese washing machines would be my second. Put clothes in those mesh laundry bags to keep them getting chewed up and abused by the machine.
In general always be aware that the system here was never set up for the pure and delicate in this life.
You gotta be jokin’! A month or two and your good-quality undies are all ratty?
Do you spend much of the day with your hands down your pants scratchin’ yerself?
Are you sure yer buyin’ the right size?
Are they wearin’ out in the same area each time?
Would you consider yourself anatomically average?
You say you, “always get em at a particular store in the US.” Is this particular store 7-11? And is there any label on the outside saying either, “Disposable” or “Edible?”
What are these ahem “emergencies” that necessitate underwear purchases?
And when you say they’re “in the rotation”, exactly how many total pairs are “in the rotation” at any given time?
With more information, we might be able to give you better help.
Sounds more like a witch hunt for the nitty gritty on my nutsicles. Still, relief from the underwear gnomes is worth the exposure:
About 12 pairs at a time in the rotation, 2 used per day for half day each on most days (first pair changed after the gym). Washload of 6 to 8 units twice a week. Normal detergent, then into the dryer. Not so much wearing out as getting all chunky with frontal fabric dingleberries.
Size is correct; however, for twig and berry details, I’m more than happy to accommodate your sending a female envoy of the appropriate quality to do a site survey.
I’m gonna guess you have hard water. I think the Taipei area has hard water, and I suspect these tanks we use somehow harden the water further. I’m an old bachelor bum, so while I don’t like it that some items that I wash (underwear, T-shirts, towels) get rough and kind of nasty-looking, I don’t feel like taking the trouble to do anything about it.
But here’s what some folks say about hard water (I’m not an expert, so I don’t know):
I don’t know WTF you are doing…my underwear seem to last forever.
What kind of washing machine are you using? Is it one of those cheapy Taiwan things that you can get anywhere for 5k? If it is one of those in combination with hard water and cheap detergent, I’m surprised any of your clothes last.
But it could also be the kind of undies you are getting…none of mine get the little dingleberries, as you so disgustingly put it. Try the undies at carefour…they last forever. The rest of mine were CK rip offs bought in China…had them for more than 3 years and good as the day I got them…and I even wash them more than once every 6 months.
Thanks CJ those links are good. I’m out in the Gobi here just south of the airport, not sure if my water is soft or hard but there’re some betel nut girls a few km away maybe I’ll do the old eunuch test with em. Based on those links though, my biggest problem is gonna be finding a water softener, given I can’t read Chinese and live in Taoyuan County, Chernobyl District. But I’ll ask around, see if that’ll help.
Suiyuan they’re not True Dingleberries, they’re mini fabricky demi-dingleberries that turn the crotchinary region into sandpaper. I can’t imagine 1 year of the same underwear nevermind 3, man, that’s gross, they must look like a japanese ricepaper wall that’s been subjected to years of cigarette smoke.
Ah fabric softener, maybe thats what I’m missing. Anyone know what it looks like in Taiwan?
And uh, BTW, anyone feel the earth move the past hour? I got a bit o the shakies and lost balance out here, could be some low flying arrivals but felt more like some tremors. Maybe the crowd at KGB doing the Haka?
I think the dingleberries are because the underwear is made from cheap cotton. And FYI, my 3 year old underwear look brand new…and they def don’t feel like sandpaper.
It’s the stuff next to the laundry detergent that says FABRIC SOFTENER …you need a wife or something…
You could just get the dryer sheets though, since you mentioned you have a dryer.
You felt that too? I thought I was having a flashback…or maybe flashbacks are felt at the same time by people with a similar…uh…background
I think this is due to the type of cotton weave. I’m guessing that the underwear has a really nice soft feel when new but it doesn’t last long. There might be Taiwan factors that make it worse but that is my guess.
I may get edited for this, so if you are uncomfortable with the facts of life (male human version) you can quit reading now!
I’ll try to keep it silly though!
Change your underwear two times a day. Wise advice from a previous post. I’m a sweaty guy, but I never had any problems cause of this back in North America. Here in Taiwan, however, for most of the years, it was another story. So, change your undies twice a day. (More on why, later …)
Change to boxers. There was a “scientific” study done a while ago. Seems that boys (who become men) still wear the style of underwear that Mom first got them. Maybe you think Mom is always right, but did she live in hot’n’humid Taiwan? Mom got you the style of underwear that your Dad wore. How cute … (study results!) And I’ll bet your Dad never lived in hot’n’humid Taiwan, either. Tighty-whitey jockey shorts or otherwise vice-gripping skivvies are only appropriate for posing or pre-boudoir encounters. And even that may be debatable …
A little more “science”:
boys - your testicles are outside your body cause they need to keep future generations cool. Your precious descendants (both your testicles and your sperm) like things cool. Some Saturday night, when you have nothing to do, you can sit at the edge of a chair, testicles dangling, with a mirror pointed to your danglers. It’s kinda freaky, but your testicles won’t stop going up and down - they just wanna be free! And they wanna stay cool! Observe, listen and learn from them!
Change your habits to having a quick rinse after a number 2 movement (uh, sorry for the baby-talk, but everyone’s getting squirmy now, eh?). If you’ve ever traveled in hot and humid countries (except Taiwan), most 2-star or above toilets have rinsing hoses beside the commode. These ain’t just pretend bidets. They are for both men and women. ALL fecal matter has some fungus (and bacteria) that can easily spread when you are sweaty. A tissue wipe ain’t enough. Indeed, a poorly executed tissue wipe spreads … No need to sterilize or be obsessive, but think about it …
Change your laundry detergent. Regular cheapo stuff is not going to do it. Buy some anti-bacterial and anti-fungal laundry detergent. It’s more expensive, but you can mix it in with the cheap stuff to stretch it if you want. Then, don’t use a dryer. Hang it out in the sun to dry. The sun’s UV is one of the best things for your underwear, even though it kills elastic and shortens material life.
Cotton underwear is best, but don’t expect it to last forever. Don’t be a cheapskate - buy quality cotton! Experiment with brands or labels. Replace as deemed necessary. A small price to pay for testicular and crotch(ety) smiles.
Uh-oh. Too late, eh? You’ve got “crotch-rot” or “jock itch” or “smelly male problems”? Well, here’s one time I think your Mom was right. Nevermind the expensive salves or potions. (They don’t work most of the time, anyway!) My Mom used to use zinc oxide cream on my red, sore and tender babyflesh. Thanks, Mom!
And where do you find zinc oxide cream? Get SPF 50 sunscreen or sunblock. You won’t even be embarrassed buying it! Even though the sun don’t shine there much, three days of a bit of SPF 50 sunblock on my crotch cured my condition. That was over two years ago and it’s never reappeared since.
Do you know that people from previous generations used to boil their underwear?
We’ve come a long way, eh?!
Done and done, but I only need to change once for the reasons you state later.
My boxers are also ratty in the same general vicinities, so I’m pretty sure its handling or washing related and not wear per se.
Interesting - and as of now I can verify the accuracy of that recommendation. However, not relevant to my underwear problem.
Without going into more nasty details, but I am king of cleanliness (see my previous posts on my greatest purchase in Taiwan - the Japanese toilet seat), I sometimes carry wet wipes, and in fact you can eat off of my shhhhphinkkkter most days… But I digress, this does not have a negative effect on the state of my undies.
You’ve got two issues here: change of laundry detergent sounds like a great idea, I’m gonna do just that. But the second part about sun drying will make my problems even worse.
I’m there dude. And that’s why I’m leery of the other posters’ suggestions for fake CKs and Carrefour stuff.
Actually I think it’s mainly the sandpaper demi-dingleberries: Doc Chen cleared up the jock itch over a year ago with spit and gumption.
All in all I think you’ve got a lot of good stuff there if my problems were nasty undies and gunk-laden genitalia; but my problem is the ratty underwear itself. I’m gonna go with:
increase quality of detergent, and try to find one suitable for hard water
find a fabric softener
find a water softener
And FFS if someone knows how to turn a standard bowl size Japanese firehose bidet seat into an elongated one for my apartment here in The Swamp, please provide blueprints pronto!!! I miss my baby Tetsuya…
Let me just add one thing to the general topic of naked hygiene: about 3 or 4 years ago I read a report on germs and bacteria and such, and the report concluded that your shower towel after 2 or 3 uses drying you after a shower has more nasty germs and crud on it than your toilet seat: they said to wash your towels after every 2-3 uses max. I’ve been fairly religious about that ever since reading it, anyone care to confirm or disconfirm that?
…you need a wife or something…