Have there been some incidents. Incidents of your girl being a little more intimate with others than you are comfortable with. Tonight was the night that really made me think. We were drinking and having a good time at TU and we went to dance. I needed to take a break to use the john and when I came back she was dancing with another guy in a grinding manner. I just started dancing with her again and he backed off after a few moments. After a while a diffrent guy started to try and dance with her while I was there and she went with it. I was put off with her not telling the guy to back off and I left and then came right back to see them dancing together. I sat down to watch and she saw me and didn’t do anything. I walked up and told her we should talk.
I told her this is something that is not cool with me and I am not sure where we stand.
How long do you ignore these things before you just quit. Am I over reacting?
Ok… First off I don’t think you’re over reacting at all. I’m in your corner and ready to rumble…
That being said. Is she Taiwanese or foreign. A foreign girl may do that sort of thing and it may be quite innocent. Especially if she knows the guys and they’re just friends. (if not, apart from the fact that she’s acting a little inappropriately, the guys - who seem to back off when you come back - are really sucking ass…) However, if she’s Taiwanese that’s really odd behaviour. Many Taiwanese girls wont even talk to another guy (even their boyfriends friends sometimes) if their boyfriend isn’t there, let alone dance with them especially in a grinding fashion.
The basic rule of thumb though is this. 'Cos let’s be honest, many people have open relationships and their idea of what is acceptable may be very different from mine. The answer should lie in what would she do, or how would she feel if you did the same thing. How would she like it if she went off to the loo and came back to see you dirty dancing with another woman. If that’s cool and she could handle it then fine. If not, she shouldn’t be doing it either.
This is just a punch in the dark, but my guess is (and I’m assuming she’s Taiwanese) she’s sending you a message. What that message is is up to you mate. Figure it out… You know your situation.
Right on bismarck…Western girls do things like that all the time…
- she is just having fun with others guys she knows… no harm… or she may not no them but is still just having fun…
I tell all my girls… I trust you because if you go to far then you are not for me and … i am out and there will be another girl around the corner for me… they all understand it is up to them… they have my trust… I tell them when you and your friends go out have fun dance with other guys if you want … but do not take it too far…and they know what I mean… I do not care if they tease a guy to get him… to buy drinks…for her and her friends… saves me money… 
… but tell him at the end SORRY not interested…then comes home to me…
but
When they are with me do not play that shit… if you are dancing with another guy he better be one of my friends… and better not be grinding…
Just like bismarck said … she was trying to tell you something or she was testing…
She may of done that to see how far she can go before you get pissed… testing her limits… all women do this… Asian/White/Black/Latina… all… I know I have dated them all… they are always testing us… to see if we care… :fume:
I would of done one of these of both…
- Started to dance with another girl… just as hot or hotter… so she can see… or at least talk to a girl and make it look like you two are having FUN… see how she acts… if she gets pissed them tell her want she was doing pissed you off… and you wanted her to know how it felt…
if she does not get pissed you need to talk…see #2
- Go and grab her tell her that we are leaving NOW… RIGHT NOW…If she knew what she was doing to you… then she will come without a problem… and you will have a good talk… If she did not know… then she will still come but be confused as hell… on why until you talk,…
bottom line… dude… you need to talk… no realationship will make it if you do not talk… and women love to talk… that is what they are wanting us to do… even if it turns out that she was thinking that it was no big deal… she will atleast know how you feel… know that you care… and know what hurts… you… tlaking is the best thing…
BUT NEVER NEVER just sit there and do nothing…
How did it go after you told her it was not cool…?
Jealousy is a sign of insecurity, and it seems like you’re a bit insecure. What do you THINK would have happened if you had not come back?
If it bothers you so much, but aren’t sure, let it slide. Just don’t go back to TU. Too many walking talking drinking erections in that place, if it’s anything like it used to be.
Good luck.
She is Taiwanese and is quite jealous and would flip out if the roles were reversed. I am always being questioned about things:every text message or phone. She seems to like to ask me if I have other girlfriends.
Sure, I can be a little insecure. Although, I never worried or thought about it when she is out with her friends. I just got ticked because I was with her and as we were dancing, she was into another guy trying to slime his way over. I could have just taken it up with the guy, but I felt the ball was in her court at this point not to encourage him. At that point I was the chump and the only thing I feel now to do is keep looking for someone who is going to be more supportive of the relationship.
I think this incident was just the most obvious thing for me to see how our relationship is. There have been other much smaller things that have happened where I felt uncomfortable and just taken in stride, but this was just very lame.
Anyone else have similiar situations and how did you deal with them.
Thanks all for your sound advice
I don’t think that your feelings about the situation are a sign of insecurity. I think that most people would be upset by that kind of situation no matter how confident and self-assured they are. It comes down to respect, mate. And, she seems to lack respect for your feelings.
I saw the same thing happen to one of my foreign friends here. His Taiwanese girlfriend flirted shamelessly with other men and created a nasty reputation for herself amongst the foreign community. She knew she was making her boyfriend jealous and seemed to love this. She was also cheating on him, and he was the last to know.
I think the red lights are flashing. Many Taiwanese women are selfish, childish, and immature; remember that before you do something you might regret, like marry her!
[quote=“Indiana”]I saw the same thing happen to one of my foreign friends here. His Taiwanese girlfriend flirted shamelessly with other men and created a nasty reputation for herself amongst the foreign community. She knew she was making her boyfriend jealous and seemed to love this. She was also cheating on him, and he was the last to know.
[/quote]
Heed his words. Everybody in town knew about that guy, and it was a pretty pathetic sight to witness. There is always the possibility that she has a “foreigner fetish” and that’s the reason she initially hooked up with you; but she sees all these other cute foreign guys at the foreigner hangouts and just can’t control herself.
Did you pick her up at a bar? Did you pick her up at a bar or club with a predominately foreigner crowd? Remember - easy come, easy go.
Now there SHOULD be an emoticon for that…
Tofuren, if you feel uncomfortable with your girl’s behaviour, it ain’t about culture or the ‘correct’ interpretation of that behaviour, it’s about whether this person is right for you. You mentioned the possibility of marriage somewhere there… Is it a good idea to marry someone that presses the little red trust button?
Here is what you should tell her when she gives you the 3rd degree. Say “Look, you have to trust me, if I want to mess around on you and there isnt shit you can do about it. Stop hassling me all the time and learn to trust me.”
BAMM problem solved.
[quote=“Frost”]Here is what you should tell her when she gives you the 3rd degree. Say “Look, you have to trust me, if I want to mess around on you and there isnt shit you can do about it. Stop hassling me all the time and learn to trust me.”
BAMM problem solved.[/quote]
The girls I know would have heard…blah blah blah…want to mess around on you…blah blah blah…
You want to mess around on me? With who? Do you have another girlfriend???
And right there it’s turned around on you.
Nah mate, my best advice is to let her know that kind of behaviour is not acceptable. That if she wants to experiment and fool around with other guys, maybe you should explore the option of just being friends.
As has been stated above…Communication is the key…
[quote]I think this incident was just the most obvious thing for me to see how our relationship is. There have been other much smaller things that have happened where I felt uncomfortable and just taken in stride, but this was just very lame.
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Dude… If you are not sure … then you need to talk with her… relationships… are hard as hell… you need to communicate…
She was into the other guy… :fume: NO NO NO…
I had girl do that once. she was mad at me for someting… and was trying to make me jeloues… she was dancing with this other guy more than me… we were in a relationship… not just “dating”… we were at the start of it… so I said ok---- in mind head— that is how you want to play… this game… you are going to lose… See I do not get jeloues… because I am not insucure. at all… I am an very attractive well built guy… never has a problem picking up very attractive women… this girls friends all thought I was hot… and she new many other girls were interessted in dating me…
That being aside… I still got pissed… becuase it was desrespectful… I do not do those things to a woman I am dating… I am with her and only her… I know I can get another women that night… she knows that also… she can get anthoer man… there is know reason to show the perosn that you are with that other people “Want” you…
that is just disrepect… and shuold not be tolirated…
What ended up doing was turning around and seeing these two hot hot girls dancing with each other… so I jumped in … I had one in the back one in the front… one of the girls was feeling on my chest and arms…
She got so pissed… and let the club… I had to tell the girls I needed to leave… 
She was yelling and screaming… all the way home… I guess it did not help that I was laughing… … She never did it agian… See I gave her a chance to push the guy away… She saw that I was pissed… and did not like the other guy that I did not know nor did she… grinding with my girl… she did nothing … I looked at the guy and was goign to beat his ass… he turned around and was going to leave… but she grabbed him…
Anyways…
After her yelling… she calmed down … and we talked… I told her that if she wants to be with other men… bye… I will have a new someone new in a couple of days… I may not like her as much as I like you but… I will not be alone… and will not beg you to be with me… and will not toleate disrepect… if she has a problem … then talk…she she did from that point on…
The girls that I have dated (all western… asian…white… etc…I am not in Taiwan yet… three more months. 
) …but they all were very friendly girls… and would go and talk to otner guys all the time… guys were always trying to move in… but all they did was talk… I would watch them from a distance (at clubs …parties…etc…) it was funny seeing the guy trying to work it… thinking that he is getting somewhere… because she was smiling and laughfing… but as soon as I come I was the center of her attention… i walk away and she would tell the guy buy and come with me…
My girls were just friendly … they were not trying to see if the oppurtunity was there with the other guy…I am the same way with women…I will talk to all kinds of women while I am with my date… but never cross that line… just being social…
So my question is…
Is she friendly… or is she looking for other oppurtunites?
If she is being more than friendly… then you need to leave and find someone new…
If she is just being friendly… than just be cool… taalk to her… tell her what you do not like… if she cares she will not allow it to happen
agian… talk… jsut do not sit back and do nothing…but pick your battles… and to me the dancing thing is grounds for a battle…
[quote]The girls I know would have heard…blah blah blah…want to mess around on you…blah blah blah…
You want to mess around on me? With who? Do you have another girlfriend???
And right there it’s turned around on you.
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So right So right,…
the words mess around on you in a sentence… is not good it will only get you in trouble…Saying that there is nothing you are going to do about is not a good idea…no offence to the guy who said it…
thta will give off the impression that you are going to mess around… and yes there is something… she can do… she can leave your ass…
I have never cheated… nor will I… If things are not working I jsut call it quits… (after trying to make it work)… and move on… LIFE is TOO SHORT… to stay in a bad relationship…
As I said just talk… get it out… what bothers you… if she cares it will all be cool… and if she does not care… and wants other men… fine … get yourslelf another girl…life moves on…
But dude do you self a big favor… do not have an attitude when you talk… and say " if I am going to do it you can stop me…etc…"… you will jsut make your life hell… and having an attutide will only make her feel like she is being attacked by you…
so jsut chill… talk in a calm voice… tell her whats on your mind… and it will all be cool…
Communication and trust are definately key to a good relationship and this is what I like to establish early, it can be a difficult especially there is a language and cultural difference. I know this goes with the territory when living abroad.
I know all couple have difficulties and its good to work through them, but after the second incident last night I just am not sure I can or want to get over it. Its like you said: it not so much as a jealousy thing, but disrespectful and a good way to ruin the night and maybe even this relationship.
She stayed over that night and was very apologetic and crying about it. I said I need some space and she should go home. A side note: I was interviewing at, what I thought, was a buxiban and in the middle of a demo when the , it turns out, Day Care was raided. Long story short is I am being deported and after living here for over 2.5 years, I have to pack my shit and leavebefore this friday. I will trying to come back in as a tourist or student, but that is ify. She has been very supportive and even said she thought we should get married so I could stay.
I always thought there are some basic things I am going for: A nice place to live, good relationship with a girl, friends, work…and can’t forget about wheels. Beig deported really can mess that up. But I knew I couldn’t stay here forever.
At this point I will just have to deal with my being deported and the relationship after that - if there is one.
That is so pathetic. Maybe if she was just a fun loving person, but if shes a posessive jealous girlfriend? No way. Just start rubbing other girls and see if she likes that!
Seriously…stand your ground. A relationship should be equal!
More red lights flashing.
That is not the way to get around the respect issue.
Hope you make it back bud. This has been the coolest gossip thread in a while…uhm…errr…I mean, we are here for you brother. 
You’re both younger than 25, right? If so, then you’re too young to be even thinking about marriage. Forget about her. She’s not right for you, at least not at this point in life, if she disrespects you like that. Concentrate now on where you’re going next, Taiwan or wherever else, on getting your visa and other basic stuff like that. After that you can find a woman who really does care about you and will treat you right. There are plenty of fish in the sea. This one may have some good points, but it’s obviously not true love. And, as an old married man, I’d recommend that you don’t even think about marriage till you’re in your 30s.
Each time she gets out of line, go one up on her. See what happens then. Then let us know the results.
I wouldn’t act like that to a man i respected. Just my two cents.
Take it from the old guys here, women who act like that don’t make good wives unless you are a masochist.
[quote]I wouldn’t act like that to a man i respected. Just my two cents.
[/quote]
RIGHT RIGHT…
See tofuren… this is a woman