How often do a separated couple reconcile here in Taiwan?

Hi all,

My girlfriend and I broke up about a month and a half ago. She is Taiwanese and I am a foreigner. I was wondering if anyone could tell me if reconciliation is common here in Taiwan? I would like nothing more than be with her for the rest of my life. At the point in which we had decided to separate, I realize that I became very desperate and in so doing I could have pushed her away even more. She is now dating a new guy which hurts me even more. Do you think there is a chance to reconcile in a mixed culture relationship?

Thanks guys.

Dick Burton and Liz Taylor did it like, seven times. And one of them was fecking WELSH!!! I’d say there’s a good chance.

Thank you friend, I hope I have a similar outcome.

Its a tough road, this road we call love
where will it lead
to happiness
or sorrow
tomorrow the new day shall shine
will she be mine then
or will she be yours?

Be she mine or thine
memories of her will be always on my mind

For me , for a time
she was all mine

Such love there was
that brought forth so much sunshine
how can it be that she is not here at this time

Love sublime
but oh so blind

N’er ye mind
for I still have time - tommy525

Every Thursday, if memory serves.

That’s pretty awesome Tommy. I ask myself those same questions. Thanks for that dude, but yeah,love is blind,but I really believe that she is the one I want to be with. No doubt there are others out there for me, but this is the one that I want. She changed me as a man. I just hope one day we can be together again.

How would you being from different cultures have any impact on the likelihood of a reconciliation? I confess I am confused over that one, prevlin.

Well,I just think that in a relationship with different cultures,there will be a few issues,as in my case. After a break up occurs,the girl may feel safer in a relationship with one of her own to avoid those same problems. That is just my opinion, I added that to this thread because I just wanted to explain my situation a bit better. It may not be an important point in context.

It is a point I hadn’t considered. Thanks for the clarification. I wonder, is her new b/f Taiwanese? Do you feel the break-up was in some way caused by you both being from different cultures?

Prevlin, i dont envy the place you are right now. I have been there before, (dang these TW girls !!! They steal your very soul ! !). It is a very dark dark place.

I crossed over to the other side of sanity. I dont know how I even survived. Years of valium kept my heart from smashing itself to pieces. My doctor said that my heart palpitations made me at least four times as likely to die a sudden death. Yes, you CAN die of a broken heart. The valium gave me a sense of detachment. LIke everything i saw in front of me was as if in a movie. It was not Real Time.

I was consumed, literally by the loss of the one i loved. I had to rehash in my mind, each and every conversation, each and every memory. I even would often drive back to the house that she used to live in and i just wanted to transport myself back in time. To change what had become. So total was my sense of loss, i felt a deep darkness. I felt I just had to get her back. I was even willing to die if I could only see her again one more time. Just to explain. Just to tell her, that even if she left me , I loved her, if only she would understand.

She mailed me a letter, from her new home in HongKong. INside were some pictures of me she had carried in her wallet. And a letter explaining how she has grown up. And she has chosen a new path …without me. Thanking me for all the times Iv been there for her, but she can’t be there for me …ever again. She was sorry, but she begged me to let her go, or she would kill herself . How could I have been that bad? I can live with me, why cant she?

I still have that envelop , even today. And if i open it, I STILL cant help a tear from falling. Even though so much time has passed, one doesnt even think there would be any memories left of her. Even the photographs have long faded.

But the good news is that i survived !! I survived. NO< I SURVIVED. I SURVIVED TRUE LOVE. IM alive ALIVE to tell about it.

It really is like being on the highest high, but there is a price. The price is that you have to endure the coming LOWEST low .

NOW, i never let myself love someone that much again. Nobody is worth that much of ones love. Let them be. Let them go their own way. Live YOUR life.

FAct is there are many who can play the role of your mate. And that particular girl may not be actually good for you.

Learn to say goodbye. ITs very very hard to do. Especially when you are thick in the heat of battle so to speak.

You cant make someone love you if they dont. They just dont. Let that knowledge set you free !

For me now, Im not sure there is true love. IM happy enough with one who can play the role, even if shes only acting. So long as shes a great actress.

Learn to say goodbye. IF you can say hello, you can say goodbye !

You must be able to.

Thanks you for sharing that dude. I also have an irregular heart beat,it feels like I am getting closer to death every day,there are times when I think I will sleep and I just won’t get up.

I see that this girl was obviously the one you had your heart set on. If she had not sent you that letter and those pictures explaining her situation, would you have still kept fighting? I just believe that she loved me once so she could love me again. We had some changes in our lives and things got complicated. This lead to the break up. I fear that in my desperation to get her back as soon as possible, I could have pushed her away even more.

I try everyday to refrain from any contact with her, hoping that in the future she will realize that I am the man for her. I understand that I need to live MY life. Right now, I just want to improve myself as an individual to be the best I can for my own sake but I also want to do it for her. I really feel that I cannot give up on her.

Is saying goodbye the same as giving up? If so, then I cannot do that. I will not put any pressure on her. I do not even talk to her now until I know I have done EVERYTHING in my power to be the best I can be. At that point, I will try again. I know it sounds foolish, but this girl is the one for me. I cannot give up dude.

Prevlin,
Is this the first time you’ve had your heartbroken? Your posts make it seem so. If that sounded as though I’m trivializing your situation, it was not intentional. I can completely emphasize with where you’re coming from… though from what I’m able to gather with only the selective lens of the internet at my disposal; it doesn’t seem as though you’re handling your heartbreak in the healthiest of ways. Allow me to elaborate…

I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum, the dumper and the dumpee. Both positions suck. (…Though being the dumpee decidedly sucks more.) I’ve had my heart broken three times, with:
-a Canadian, like myself, when I was 17–my first love.
-an American, when I was 24–the year I tried living like a hippie in a commune of sorts in Vermont.
-a Taiwanese, when I was 28–just last year

Even during the last breakup I found it amazing… how pain which was purely emotional could manifest as physical discomfort–tightness of the chest and increased heart rate (quite literally where the word ‘heartbreak’ originates).

After my first breakup, I was thinking/speaking along the same lines as yourself. That is to say, I convinced myself that he was the only man I would ever love so deeply. I relived our moments–good and bad–over and over in an attempt to figure out where we’d gone off-track. I made secret plans to win him back. I half convinced myself that if he wasn’t in my life I didn’t want to live at all (okay, more like 10% convinced myself.) Either way, Sandman is right (…and there’s something I never thought I’d say :p). The days/weeks/months after a non-consensual breakup are a dark, dark place. No words can describe it without sounding trite; but anyone who’s spent some time there completely understands without need of words…

…And the first time I was in the throes of it for months. Even after a year, while he wasn’t occupying my every waking thought, I couldn’t go a day without missing him at least once.

Fast forward the clock a decade and two breakups later: It was excruciating for four or five weeks, and I was (okay, mostly) over him by the start of the 3rd month. Part of this is undoubtedly because the relationship hadn’t lasted as long (3 years vs. 1), but it’s also because I’d discovered healthy ways of handling these gut-wrenching emotions. Experience had taught me that, even though the pain was intensely visceral, it would fade. I would heal. Chances were high that I would love and be loved again.

From a more practical standpoint, I’d also developed coping mechanisms.
As easy as it is to wallow in memories, self-loathing, and false hope, this only intensifies and draws out the agony. As much as I wanted to stay in bed and mourn some days (and it really is a kind of mourning–there’s a reason why the “7 stages of grief” have been extended to refer to a breakup), I forced myself to face the day.
When I was tempted to stay home and have a pity party for myself on Saturday night, I forced myself to go out and (at least try) to have a good time. I don’t mean live it up at the bar–because I don’t think that’s necessarily a healthy way of coping either; I mean spend time with friends. Really close friends. The kind who wouldn’t judge if I was a bit of a bummer to hang with.
When thoughts of him drifted into my mind, I would set about distracting myself until I was successfully concentrating on something else. (Not easy by any means, but it can be done. And it gets easier with time and practice.) And the best distraction of all? Pouring all those intense vibes into activities that I loved and that bettered my own self (namely, hoopdance & studying Chinese). Things that were once an important part of my identity, but hadn’t been getting as much attention when I was involved in my failed-relationship.

I call this last the most important because it helps rebuild your self-esteem… If the heart is the first casualty of a breakup, then self-esteem is almost certainly the second. And if, as in my case, these were hobbies that you had once been really passionate about, it’s sorta like rediscovering a long-lost love of another kind. Lastly, it will make you more attractive to other people as well as yourself.

You’re smart not to contact with this gal and let her know how much you’re pining over her. It sucks, but little is less attractive than a semi-obsessed groveler. I know, because, as I said at the start of this stupidly long post, I’ve been the ‘dumper’ as well. As unfair and counter-intuitive as it may seem, the less you care about getting your former lady back, the more likely you are to do so… because little is MORE attractive than a confident and talented man with interesting passions and who is keen on improving himself.

This will probably sound ‘Dear Abby’ at best, and empty and perhaps even callous at worst, but if she doesn’t come back, there are other fish in the sea. Seriously. It’s not just a meaningless idiom. Keep in mind that humans were a polygamous species in our evolutionary history. And when said ‘other fish’ swim by, you want to be ready. :slight_smile:

Peace, Love & Understanding.
Faye.

Faye,all I can say is THANK YOU!!! And thank you to everyone else for your support. I was really apprehensive about posting this here but it just got the better of me and I needed to vent my feelings.

This is by no means my first heart break but it is without doubt infinitely more painful than any other. My first girlfriend of 4 years cheated on me twice with a friend and then a family member. I thought that was painful but this pain is on a new level. The love that I have for this girl is beyond belief. For the sounds of it, I am sure others in this group can relate to this feeling. I find it difficult to not be in control of the situation. I understand that there is a chance that she may come back and then there is the chance that she may not. Subconsciously though, I have made the decision to better myself as a man in every way that I can with the hope of proving to her one day that I am the one for her. I am the guy that will always protect her and provide her with what she needs.

I believe that love will win, as pathetic as that may sound, I truly believe it. My concern is that I am the only party who has this feeling…

But again, I have made my decision to improve myself and I will NOT give up on her. If she chooses a life without me then I cannot do anything about that but move on with my life, BUT she is still the girl of my dreams.

THANK YOU EVERYONE! You are all great people .

In time, you will heal. For now , its good to have some hope. Like having a lotto ticket, in your pocket. Unchecked, it still has value, you may be a winner. But you do know that the odds are not in your favor.

There is a more then even chance this girl is not the girl for you. But there is more then a winning chance that YOU are the man for YOU. You have to get your shit back together.

Try not to chase in future. Let them chase you. Dont love them, just LIKE them . :slight_smile: If you want to mess with them, and you know you do, you will have to learn to change partners in the game of life. IM not a master at this, but I think I earned my B.A.

EAch time iv had my heart broken, iv learned to handle it better. THERE were still many dark moments, but look hard for the light at the end of the tunnel.

And the sooner you get another girl, the better.

When I look back on the ones iv lost today. There is maybe only one that i would do over again (and no it wasnt the one that I nearly lost my life with).

[quote=“prevlin”]Hi all,

My girlfriend and I broke up about a month and a half ago. She is Taiwanese and I am a foreigner. I was wondering if anyone could tell me if reconciliation is common here in Taiwan? I would like nothing more than be with her for the rest of my life. At the point in which we had decided to separate, I realize that I became very desperate and in so doing I could have pushed her away even more. She is now dating a new guy which hurts me even more. Do you think there is a chance to reconcile in a mixed culture relationship?

Thanks guys.[/quote]

My advice is if you’ve broken up once already, then that’s it. As much as it pains me to say this; do yourself a favor and move on.
If she can immediately start dating a new guy, then she was hardly devastated, having broken up with you.
Lick your wounds, and don’t look back.

Im a taiwanese girl. I think cultures different just a excuse. my bf is a German, and I can take it. if she really loves you I think she can change it for you.

Thanks guys, I am just trying to get through each day. But I still have hope.

Keep your chin up, part of the healing process. The good thing out of this will be that your capacity to love another person will be stronger and better.

U can still love her, by letting her do as she pleases. Being the better man, taking the high road.

I guess that is all I am ABLE to do right now. Thank you again everyone.

Hang in there buddy, aint no woman worth half of the tears we shed !!

I remember my first love. Ahh primo amore! Me so young and full of cum and very dumb. She old enough to have five kids (a 17 year old boys view of a 22 year old girl).

But man what a ride she gave me. Then suddenly it was all over after a roller coaster few months.

I couldnt believe my ears when she told me. What do you mean?? What do you mean its over? Whats over?? NO it cant be over !!! How can it be over??? Cried all over her tits I did.

Looking back, it was pretty hilarious ! I shouldve ridden that pony for all shes worth and had a hell of a time. But Primo Amore. We all have to survive that.

Let me repeat, in case you didnt hear me the first time. Aint no woman worth half the tears you shed for her. Unless she loves you so much and died of cancer or something.

If she left you for another man. GIve her one crocodile tear and thats all shes worth. Kiss her ass goodbye… and good riddance.