haha, I can relate to that djkonstable, I was with my ex. for a very long time and every time we had a “bigger” argument about something, she’d bring up shit that had happened years ago and that I’d almost forgotten about.
Somehow it’s always the guys fault, no matter what.
And the keeping stum thing really bugs me as well, but I guess they’re right in a way, as when you’re about to loose your temper you might end up having a really bad 'bout over something that really didn’t matter.
[quote]She says that it’s better to wait 'till later to talk about it.
That drives me mad but she still does it often [/quote]
I was always the one that wanted to talk about it when we had a fight but after some time I’ve learned to keep quiet until both of calm down… however, he gets mad again when I want to talk about it few days later. he always says that I bring the issue back…well, then when is the best time to talk about it or just pretend nothing happened…actually we argue often because of that…he talks when he wants to but when I want to talk about it, we fight again
by the way, we have lived together for 7 months so far…everything is great except that.
The problem is, it takes two with that attitude to work. If one person doesn’t have that attitude, all the effort in the world to maintain that attitude on the part of the other will still result in fights.[/quote]
You’re absolutely right. Come to think of it, I briefly dated one or two (never thought of them as girlfriends) and dropped them like a hot potato as soon as I detected the lack of these qualities in them. One of my reasons for breaking up with my previous GF was also the lack of these qualities; although we didn’t end up fighting, I could tell that I would eventually tire of her.
I think that’s part of it here too. I learned that you deal with disagreements through calm, rational discussion and compromise.
I never fought with my ex. Hell, I only even once fought with the man I was off and on for 10 years. But my current and I fight a lot. I don’t see that as a reason to end things because I love him more than I can remember loving anyone. And I’m pretty sure that’s why we fight. We make each other crazy with things that we wouldn’t care about with someone else.
[quote=“sugar cane”][quote]She says that it’s better to wait 'till later to talk about it.
That drives me mad but she still does it often [/quote]
I was always the one that wanted to talk about it when we had a fight but after some time I’ve learned to keep quiet until both of calm down… however, he gets mad again when I want to talk about it few days later. he always says that I bring the issue back…well, then when is the best time to talk about it or just pretend nothing happened…actually we argue often because of that…he talks when he wants to but when I want to talk about it, we fight again
by the way, we have lived together for 7 months so far…everything is great except that.[/quote]
If he doesn’t like to “talk” then email him.
Writting down what you want to say.
LOL, come on. Next time he starts a fight kick him swiftly in the balls. while he is rolling around groaning explain to him that is how he makes you feel inside when he is mean to you. He might behave for a lttle while after that.
My HK bf and I almost never argue… It’s odd.
I only fight with someone if I care what they think.
Now I know why we don’t fight. Ha!
Too bad you’re not my SO or something. 
Now I know why we don’t fight. Ha!
Too bad you’re not my SO or something. :-P[/quote]
Oooh, arion, you are totally SO-worthy, but methinks there would be something missing in that relationship…
I’ve never been keen on arguments in relationships. But I think that it might have been better if I’d spoken my mind more in past relationships, even at the risk of a big argument.
I couldn’t ever have a relationship with a woman who didn’t have her own mind about things. I’ve never been into the whole “big man, little woman” thing. But there definitely has to be a base of kindness and tolerance on both sides. When “assertiveness” becomes “aggressiveness”, I’m no longer interested.