How to Deal with a Scam Caller

Dramatis Personae:

  • 小臭臭 (Xiǎo ChòuChòu / Little Stinky), a friendly Caller from China
  • Tom, a 51 years old Taiwanese, good friend and co-worker and fabulously gay. He also has never heard of the concept of “shame”.
  • My humble self.

Location: The office of our company, around 10 am. Tom’s and my desks are facing each other.

The conversation was held in Chinese and involves a lot of euphemisms for sexual activities as well as some swear words.

My Phone rings and the display shows a Chinese number. I answer it with a nice long ‘Weeeeei?’
Before I can say anything else the other person starts talking: “Hey! It’s me! Long time no see!”
A bit perplexed I ask back: “Who?”
“Me, of course! You don’t know your friends anymore?”
The other shoe drops at this moment. It’s a scammer. I decide to waste a bit of his time and put him on the speaker. Tom perks up while I gesticulate him to be silent.
“Little Stinky?”, I ask the caller.
“Yes! Of course! Who else?”, he replies without missing a beat.
“Little Stinky!”, I exclaim enthusiastically, “It has been ages my Man! How are ya doing? Are you still in Australia?”
“Yes! It’s been a long time! I’m still in Australia. I’m a bit embarrassed to ask, but I need help. Could you please lend me some money? I’ll give it back asap!”
“Little Stinky, no need to be embarrassed! After all we’ve done together. Of course I can lend you some money! Man, the Club has not been the same since you left. The manager and I were wondering how you are doing over there. Are you still together with Xiǎo Jī?”
“Yes, I am. Uhh, about the money, I need it a bit urgently.”
“No problem, No problem! Great you two are still together. Big brother Jī and you are such a cute couple! Tell him I said hi! We all miss you two so much!”
There’s a short pause before he answers. “Yeah… we… miss you too… About the money, ca-”
I interrupted him with “I already told you not to worry! We’re Comrades after all. We stick together!” Tom is snickering silently. “Guess who just came in?”, I continue “The manager! He wants to say hello.” Tom is waving his hands and mouthing ‘NO!’. “Moment, I put you on the speaker”.
“Uhh? What?”, says Little Stinky, a bit perplexed by the events.
“Hiii~~<3”, says Tom, somehow managing to make the ‘<3’ audible. “Little Stinky! I missed you sooooo much! Why haven’t you called earlier? Do you hate me? How are you doing?”
“Uhh… uhh… Hi, um… Manager. I’m fine (?)… Uhh no, I don’t hate you… I, um… missed you too!”
Little Stinky seems to be a bit outside of his comfort Zone, meanwhile Tom is making himself comfortable with impunity.
“I’m sooo glad to hear that! Are you still together with your boyfriend? Or are you already married?”
“Uhh… yes, I mean no, we’re not married yet… Can I tal-”
“Awww he’s such a lucky man! I always told him, you remember? I always told him that he’s lucky to have a Boyfriend that can cook and play the flute this well.”
Silence. Then “Uhh… yeah. I… was discussing something with…” He suddenly realises, that he totally forgot to ask about my name. Tom sports a shit eating grin.
“Ah yes!”, I rescue him, “The money. I had to go to the bank anyway today. Little Stinky is in a pickle and needs some help. How much do you need?”
“Yes I need arou-”, Little Stinky manages to say before being cut off by Tom.
“Oh my! Darling! What happened? Is the Club you wanted to open not going well? I thought the Australians were so liberal.”
“Uhh… yes, it’s not doing well. Could you lend me around 100k?”
“100k? That’s a bit much…”, I say.
“We can ask the other boys”, says Tom, “Little Stinky was always very… close with everyone. I’m sure they will help.”
“Yes”, I chime in, “Btw. did you make some new friends in Australia? And is it true that they are bigger?”
“Uhh, yes.”, he soldiered on.
“Yes, you have new friends or yes they’re bigger?”, asked Tom surprisingly innocently.
“Aww, he’s getting embarrassed!”, says Tom
“Don’t tease him! You know Little Stinky is a bit shy when it comes to this topic! Don’t listen to Tom. It’s totally ok if you’re uncomfortable with this.”
I scold Tom: “You see? Now he’s miffed!”
“I was just joking!” He’s laughing now.
Little Stinky must have decided that he’s not getting paid enough for this and ends the call rather unceremoniously by just hanging up. People don’t have perseverance these days.


Check out this youtube channel!

The guy’s an IT ninja who infiltrates phone scammers and fucks with them! A hero without a cape! Very well put together content.

It’s soooooo satisfying!!!

There’s actually a whole sub-genre of “scambaiters” on youtube. (Not entirely relevant to the Chinese -speaking world, to be fair.) But very entertaining!


In what way? I ignore any number I don’t know. Have I lost my bloodlustery edge?

1 Like

This is totally safe :slight_smile:


He often saves older, more vulnerable people from falling prey to scumbag scammers. I find this immensely satisfying!

Watch a few of his videos and you’ll see what I mean.


The more time Little Stinky spends talking to you, the less they spend scamming others.
Well done!