How to get deported

Taiwan Living in Taiwan
1

OK, this is now the start of my fifth year in Taiwan. My last name starts with Tei, I have a Taitai here, I work in Taipei so I guess it’s all straightforward and in order.

But come on, a FIFTH year? I have more Confucian thinking than my wife already and this lao zhi way of thinking (“who cares”) has become my attitude recently as well.

Then, after drinking half a liter of Chianti (that’s not a Chinese thinker but rather an Italian wine) I had the idea! I need to get deported! Anyone got ideas (getting in jail wouldn’t be so good though)?

Does anyone know a foreigner police guy who is eager to deport a foreigner? Sure we could figure out something… PM me please if you have such contacts.

No, I can’t just leave. All this fighting with wife I had the last 4 years is enough already. And she always wins … :astonished:

2

Keep in mind you are married. They’re likely to give you a one-time dispensation. So you may have to do whatever you do twice.

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3

They wont deport you. They will turn you over to your wife for several weeks of non-stop harping.

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4

Contract an STD

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5

Find a political rally, preferably one with some TV reporters present, and tell everyone that as someone not from Taiwan but from [insert name of your country] you know they should vote for candidate A because candidate B is a [string of perjoratives] – and that goes double for everyone in the [insert name of a political party], who are too [choose one or more: stupid/evil/naive/brainwashed] to be allowed to choose for themselves.

6

one word: annex the sudetenland…wait that’s 3 words, bugger…

7

Annex Jhongli county, hmmm… Federal Republic of Jhongli … has a nice ring to it … almost.

No seriously, I thought about writing a pro-trade union article in my blog. But I would need some biiiiiig attention, otherwise … These Taiwanese hate trade unions, right? I mean, whenever I mention it, my wife throws cups at me and my work colleagues get a red face and crouch over their keyboards…

8

Dump a brown one on the steps to the presidential palace … and yell “Go Ma, … Go” … but, don’t wear a red T-shirt, they might just give you a lunch box and send you home to your wife …

9

Dress up as an Olympic Games Torch carrier, toga maybe, and run around with a big burning stick while singing German songs.

Call TVBS and tell them you are doing it as an ancestral right.

10

Get a tattoo of Mao Zedong on one butt-cheek and a tattoo of the PRC flag on the other. Go around chucking moons at politicians, government officials, civil servants, soldiers, and police officers, especially when TV cameras are nearby. I’m betting that that might do it.

11

Get caught bopping the 18-y.o. daughter (or son) of an important minister or two?

12

Make a gun and tell everyone about it??

although you would end up in jail…

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Go dressed as a Dutch farmer with wooden clogs to the legislative yuan and tell them Holland wants to annex their lost colony … don’t tell them you’re German, they don’t know the difference …

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that’s the winner.

15

I just googled “Dump a brown one” and got zero hits. BP has coined a phrase! And I think it’s mighty clever!

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Or a word-by-word translation. :smiley:

(Works well though)

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Hey, that´s good. As a Trade Union member (not here though) I will ask my comrades from the mainland for help against the cruel cold capitalist pigs …

All in my blog…

:notworthy:

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that’s the winner.[/quote]

Damned, I am presently too shy for that. I practice with Luxemburg first…

:blush:

19

Only 18?
Aim a little lower for deportation. :laughing:

20

Only 18?
Aim a little lower for deportation. :laughing:[/quote]

Think pure thoughts, think pure thoughts, think pure thoughts, think pure thoughts…