How to tell you are not Taiwanese

Discussion Open Forum
1

This was supposed to be a sympathetic, humorous listing, not another we are superior to you listing. I give up. Didn’t anyone read the rules?

I saw a funny blog today from Singapore titled
41 signs to tell you’re Singaporean: JUST ten here for space

  1. Thanks to SMS, you have an extra large thumb.
  2. Tks 2 SMS, u oso dun no how 2 spel n e mor.
  3. You pat MRT and bus seats to cool them before you sit down.
  4. At lunch, you start discussing what to eat for dinner.
  5. When speaking to foreigners, you somehow feel a need to adopt an accent. (If you’re a DJ, this happens even when you’re not speaking to foreigners.)
  6. You won’t raise your voice to protest policies, but you’ll raise your fists to whack someone over Hello Kitty.
  7. You’re forever talking about businesses you want to set up but will probably never get around to starting.
  8. You don’t know
2

you use a toothpick
you cover your mouth when using a toothpick

3

[quote=“AWOL”]you use a toothpick
you cover your mouth when using a toothpick[/quote]

But you chew with your mouth open.

4

thankyou - i left that window open… now get back to work (or send me more emails)

5

Baddda boom!

6

248 of them here …
kelake.org/archive/taiwan/yo … _been.html

7

[quote=“david”]248 of them here …
kelake.org/archive/taiwan/yo … _been.html[/quote]

david,
those are good ones, tried and true, but I was thinking not so much along the lines of YOU KNOW YOU’VE BEEN IN TAIWAN TOO LONG WHEN…which has been done before…and more along the lines of

100 SIGNS TO TELL THAT YOU ARE TAIWANESE

not from an expat’s point of view, but from a Taiwan person’s point of view. Try it. I thought the Singapore examples were good ones! And they were written by Singaporeans, not expats. And not so much from a making fun of the locals point of view, but more of a real-life view of what it is like to be Taiwanese…

8

Farting, belching, and hocking up your left lung are simply the things you do between getting out of bed and flushing the toilet everyday.

Footwear: Men - blue plastic slippers (make sure your toenails are crusty, yellow, and about to fall off for extra sylish points). Women - black patterned kneehighs with brown elf clogs (best if worn with at least three other patterns on the rest of your body)

If you are driving down the street and a slight gap opens because an ambulance is coming, and you don’t do your filial duty to fill it, you are not Taiwanese.

You think ice cream is bad for you…and not because of the fat content (you’ve been in Taiwan too long if you know why it’s supposed to be bad for you).

9

Yes. Don’t forget the “Taiwanese Rule of Plaid”:

One is good, but five are better. :smiley:

10

[quote=“ironlady”]Yes. Don’t forget the “Taiwanese Rule of Plaid”:

One is good, but five are better. :smiley:[/quote]

So can we write:

  1. One plaid piece of clothing is good, but five all at once is better.
  2. Ice cream is not good for you to eat, and you know why.
  3. You cover your mouth when using a toothpick.
11
  1. One person on a scooter is a waste of space and gas… (Five plus dog is much more efficient and environment friendly).
12

Oh, I think I got one…

You spend way too much time thinking about why other people in another culture are different from you. :smiling_imp:

13
  1. You automatically offer random strangers in pubs cigarettes. Regardless whether strangers in question are smokers or not…
14

When a wai guo ren says anything to you in Chinese, especially, “ni hao”. You rapidly start speaking to him in Chinese too, because obviously he can understand you… :smiley:

15

Hey, stereotypes are fun!!

  1. When your kid gets a 99 on his exam, and you scream at him: “Why didn’t you get 100, you lazy bum?”

  2. When you relish the thought of eating pizza smothered with corn and pork floss.

  3. You’re really sleepy. But instead of sleeping, you remedy the situation by drinking Whisbih, smoking Long Life cigs and chewing betel nut.

  4. You think there’s nothing strange about having your mother write a letter of recommendation in support of your application for school or employment.

  5. The idea that someone can travel overseas while not being part of a tour group or business delegation leaves you struggling with cognitive dissonance.

  6. You see a foreigner drinking Coke, and you can’t resist the urge to say “You foreigners all drink Coke every day, don’t you? How unusual!”

  7. You’re not superstitious, but you heed all the superstitious do’s and taboos “just in case”.

  8. You feel the need to lecture grown adults on topics like health, investments, business opportunties, self-improvement or relationships when there is no reason to believe the listener would be interested.

16
  1. You stop strangers on the street to tell them about a special bleaching cream they can use to get rid of their freckles.
17
  1. You cover your mouth when talking on your cell phone, but unashamedly chew your food with your mouth open, pop your zits, and pick your nose in public for all to see.
18
  1. You answer any direct question with some unrelated comment and smile, pleased with your accomplishment.
19
  1. You tell complete strangers that they look fat. . . and then ask how much money they make.
20

:slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile: