This rhyme puts me over the top,
900 posts without stop,
Though sometimes satirical,
My verses wax lyrical,
On e-Bay they’re 10 bucks a pop.
From today’s New York Times:
[quote]Justices Call on Bench’s Bard to Limit His Lyricism
May a jurist rule in verse, if he’s dignified and terse?
Or are some texts meant to be wholly free of poetry?
A dissent last month by a justice of the Pennsylvania Supreme Court, in seven quatrains and one footnote, drew a sharp response from two colleagues.
Chief Justice Stephen A. Zappala wrote that “an opinion that expresses itself in rhyme reflects poorly on the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania.”
Justice Ralph J. Cappy said “every jurist has the right to express him or herself in a manner the jurist deems appropriate,” but expressed concern about “the perception that litigants and the public at large might form when an opinion of the court is reduced to rhyme.”[/quote]
Here’s the rest.
Get with the programme, people. It’s not difficult… 
[quote=“Maoman”]Get with the programme, people. It’s not difficult…
As the still-undisputed top poobah of the Segue limerickists, I’d be inclined to disagree with that. I’m not sure of the set-in-stone rules (if there are even any), but I’d say it depends more on the metre (sorry for the spelling MT).
The way I see it (and therefore the correct way), you can cram 8, 9, or even 10 syllables into the first line, and either 5 or 6 in the 3rd and 4th, viz.
One two three four five six seven eight
or
one two three four five six seven eight nine
or
one two three four five six seven eight nine ten
I would say that all the above “work,” as long as you don’t mix 'n match them in the same verse.
Knock yourselves out. Me, I’m sticking to romantic sonnets from now on.
Sorry Mao, but I agree with Sandman that limerick rules are not so fixed. And even if one wanted to fix them, I’m not sure I agree with 8,8,6,6,8. The following, while not great, is 8,8,6,6,9, and I don’t think ending it with 8 would work as well:
There once was a humorous thread,
more fun than a nymphet in bed,
but the rules got too tough,
so the folks said enough,
now they’re searching for nymphets instead.
More importantly, rules were made to be broken.
[quote=“Maoman”]Get with the programme, people. It’s not difficult…
There once was a boy named G Dub,
whose organ was just a small nub.
To make up for his lack
he waged war on Iraq,
and he spurted a river of blood.
There once was an Aussie named Howard,
who feared he’d be seen as a coward.
He supported G Dub,
and his people he snubbed,
but with Tony he secretly showered.
There once was a man named Saddam,
who didn’t fit in with the plan.
He was ruthless and mad,
embarassed Dub’s dad,
and our oil lay under his sand.
There once was a planet called home,
where the deer and the antelope roam,
but nothing can last,
it’ll end in a blast,
which is more than one can say for this poem.
:?
A mystical woman called Shiva.
(The eco-feminist diva.)
Says: “We don’t need bricks.”
“We’ll build homes with sticks!”
But only Wix will believe her.
Look here it’s two thousand and five,
We’ve made it - we’re all still alive,
It’s become very clear
To survive this new year,
We must heed the words of our wives.
There once was a rantheman
Whose threads were quite often canned
On the forums he’d come
with threads like “How my wife is dumb”
And got knocked upside the head with a pan
The postings 'round here are quite deep
And oftentimes move me to weep
For women and men
And hanyu pinyin
And illicit congress with sheep
This thread is in honour of Miltownkid, TomHill, Sandman, 我 is me, and the chief I guess, and is a continuation of the discussion started over here: forumosa.com/taiwan/viewtopi … &&start=30
I didn’t want to post it in that original thread, because I didn’t want to go off-topic and hijack the thread dedicated to the chief, cos you know, god knows he would never do that. 
Also, I now see this debate has been raging here since 2002!
So I think most people know what a Limerick is, but once TomHill started questioning the one Miltownkid wrote, it got me thinking about how you could explain them. The explanation I gave there was pretty crap (Sandman did a better job), so I thought I would try and explain a bit better here.
Firstly, a Limerick is a type of poem/verse, with five lines. Line 1,2 and 5 rhyme with each other, and lines 3 and 4 rhyme with each other (as correctly explained by TomHill in the other thread). This is the easy part.
Now for the rhythm. This is the hard bit.
I originally said to TomHill that it is 7,7,5,5,7, which is what I was taught at school (yes, we were actually taught how to write limericks at school). However, this information is very misleading, so here’s a more thought-out definition (Musical people will find this a lot easier to follow than non-musical people. Sorry about that).
The rhythm goes in groups of 3 beats. The second beat is always the stressed one. In the first, second and fifth lines, there are THREE groups of 3 beats, followed by one group of three beats as a pause (which I’ve shown below in brackets).
So it’s 123,123,123,(123)
For the third and fourth lines, it’s TWO groups of 3 beats (and NO pause at the end), like this:
123,123
So the end result is:
123,123,123,(123)
123,123,123,(123)
123,123
123,123
123,123,123,(123)
I’m now going to re-number the beats, so you can get a good idea of how many syllables are being used in each line.
123,456,789,(10 11 12)
123,456,789,(10 11 12)
123,456,
123,456,
123,456,789,(10 11 12)
So it’s something like 9,9,6,6,9
But I said 7,7,5,5,7. Why was that? Well, it’s common for the 5th and 8th syllables to be held for 2 beats. However, it was stupid of me to even mention this, since there are many other variations. Basically as long as you follow the stress patterns (thanks again to Sandman), you will be OK. You can hold some syllables for 2 beats as long as you follow the correct stress.
So in fact, you could have anything from 6 to 9 syllables for the 1st, 2nd and 5th lines, and anything from 4 to 6 syllables for the 3rd and 4th lines.
But wait… there’s more. If you’re REALLY cunning, you can find places to sneak in an extra syllable, by only taking up half a beat with each syllable, so you could have 10 syllables in one line.
Examples to follow when I can be arsed (or feel free to ask questions or post examples in the meantime, while I have my caffeine fix). 
I only know offensive one’s…son in the best Papal fashion I will simply quote!
"There was a young Turkish Cadet
And this is the damndest one yet
For his tool was so strong
And incredibly Long
He bugger 6 Greeks - en-brouchette
A poof by the name of Ben Broom
Took a Lesbian up to his room
They argued all night
As to who had the right
To do what with which, and to whom"
Sorry to all and any who are offended.
There was young policeman from Clapham Junction
who lost the use of his sexual function
so for the rest of his life
he pleasured his good wife
with the dextrous use of his trunction
[quote=“miltownkid”][quote=“Maoman”]Get with the programme, people. It’s not difficult…
That link you posted is weak
Click here for a real limerick geek
Email’m he’ll shout
WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT!
Now bow down to a true Limerick freak[/quote]
I cleared this up long ago.
There was a young man from the Cape
who tried to bully an ape
the ape said, “Don’t be a fool
I’ll buckle your tool
and kick your arse out of shape.”
[quote=“ran the man”]i love a good limerich. got any?[/quote]There was a musician named Ran,
Whose guitar was as big as a van.
He put wheels on the base,
and entered a race,
from the south to the north of Taiwan.
Best I can do I’m afraid.