I am a Wai Guo Ren! (apologies to Molson's)


#1

Hey,

I’m not a Chinese student or an English teacher. In fact it’s not even my native language, though I’ll play along if you don’t mind me assuming you speak Mandarin.

I don’t like McDonalds, and I’ve never even heard of Texas Fried Chicken.

And I don’t have a Chinese girlfriend, though I’m sure they’re very nice.

I have police, not a glorified mafia.

I’ve never sold my vote, and certainly not for a measly pack of facial tissue.

My religion is more than a bunch of useless superstitions.

I can proudly sew my nation’s flag on my backpack, because almost all of us agree on what flag to wave.

Where I come from we have traffic laws, and take care of our own national defense.

I believe the dog is a proud and noble animal, and shouldn’t be kept in a birdcage.

If you say “hello,” that means you’re willing to talk.

We value independent thought, creativity, and initiative, even if you don’t know exactly what you’re doing.

“Wai Guo” includes most of the habitable surface area of the planet earth. Not just the outer rim beyond Taiwan, or China, or whatever this country is.

Being a foreigner may be the most important fact about me to you, but it isn’t to me.

My name is Vincent and I AM A WAIGUOREN.


#2

Hey,

I’m not a Chinese student but I am an English teacher. In fact it’s my native language, though I learnt it in the USA.

I like McDonalds, and I’ve heard of Texas Fried Chicken but perfer KFC.

And I have a Chinese girlfriend, though don’t tell my Taiwanese wife.

I have police, THE glorified mafia in Chicago.

I’ve never sold my vote, but I sold my soul for a measly pack of facial tissue when I had to go really bad in a public restroom in Tainan train station.

All religions are a bunch of useless superstitions.

I can proudly sew a Canadian flag on my backpack, because I almost always do something hideous in public and I don’t want to downgrade Americans further.

Where I come from we have traffic laws, and take care of everyone’s national defense.

I believe the dog is a proud and noble animal, and shouldn’t be kept in a birdcage. That’s for veal.

If you say “hello,” that means you’re willing to talk. About me.

We value independent thought, creativity, and initiative, even if you don’t know exactly what you’re doing, which is most of the time.

“Wai Guo” includes most of the habitable surface area --if Canada is considered habitable-- of the planet earth. But just 49% of the population

Being Taiwanese may be the most important fact about you, but it isn’t to me.

My name is Muffin and Vincent is having a bad day.


#3

troll


#4

All of which, I suspect, is why so many Taiwanese want to get out of their country and go to yours. But yet again I’m struggling to see the point of your post - is it just a case of “my country’s great and yours sucks” ? (Not that I haven’t felt the same way from time to time)


#5

Thank you for sharing, Vincent. Who’s next, or shall we conclude this session of Ahdogahs Anonymous?


#6

“I’m a Wai Guo Ren and I’m okay,
I drink all night and I teach all day!”

:laughing:


#7

“I put on women’s clothing,
And hang around in bars !”


#8

Does anyone else simply find the NAME Vincent disturbing? I mean, Vince or Vinnie - OK. But Vincent? Its all a bit specky…


#9

For those who are left scratching their heads, I give the original version below. It’s from a Canadian beer commercial.

Of course this is all in fun. After all, we don’t care what the natives think, do we? So get in the spirit of the thing and add your own versions.

I AM CANADIAN!

Hey…

I’m not a lumberjack, or a furtrader,
and I don’t live in an igloo, eat blubber, or own a dogsled,
and I don’t know Jimmy, Sally, or Susie from Canada,
although I’m sure they’re really really nice.

I have a Prime Minister, not a President.
I speak English and French, not American,
and I pronounce it about, not aboot
I can proudly sew my country’s flag on my backpack;
I believe in peacekeeping, not policing;
and that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal

a tuque is a hat,
a chesterfield is a couch,
and it is pronounced zed, not zee, zed!

Canada is the second largest land-mass,
the first nation of hockey,
and the best part of North America!

MY NAME IS JOE, AND I AM CANADIAN!

Thank you.


#10

You are hereby charged that you, today, at 1:15pm, willfully and with malice aforethought, did post to an internet bulletin board using an unabbreviated first name, contrary to the common law of Judge Melty. How do you plead ?


#11

Ah yes…Canadian and UN “peacekeepers” I think I’ll avoid Molson from now on. :shock:

whatreallyhappened.com/RANCH … peace.html

balkan-archive.org.yu/kosovo … _04/2.html

socialism.com/fsarticles/vol … da181.html

metimes.com/issue37/reg/03somalia.htm

muslims.org/webarticles/messages/12.html

www3.sympatico.ca/sworker/372-09-JTF2.html

chico.mweb.co.za/mg/news/97j … omali.html


#12

But it’s short for Vincentuellnakovtcha.

Just think of the U.S. response to Molson’s!

"I speak English, plus I had a couple years of French in high school. Voulez vous allez avec moi dans la boudoir?

“And I think peacekeeping is great. In fact our military is about to go peacekeep Iraq right now.”

Or a revision of the Canadian one:

“And I can proudly sew my flag on my backpack, because my name is Joe and I AM AN ENGLISH-SPEAKING CANADIAN.”


#13

Hey…

I’m not a pimp, or a hustler,
and I don’t live in a shoe, eat cherrios, or own a 64’ caddy,
and I don’t know Billy, Bobby, or Joey from Tim buck 2,
although I’m sure they’re really really nice.

I have a Grand Puba, not a knuckle head.
I speaka English and French, not Amerikinglish,
and I pronounce it tamahto, not tomato
I can proudly sew my country’s flag on my buttocks;
I believe in old school hip hop, not this P diddy BS;
and that the beaver is a… :laughing:

a tuque is a What?,
a chesterfield is a HUH?,
and it is pronounced zed, not zee, zed! YEAH!

My [insert word] is the second largest land-mass,
the first nation of hockey,
and the best part of North America! :laughing: (it’s funny cause it’s true)

MY NAME IS MILTOWN, AND I AM!

Thank you.

That was fun, I haven’t done a [MADLIBS] since back in the old day.


#14

ROFLMAO!!! Good one miltownkid!!!