I don't want to speak English!

Life Dating & Relationships
1

I’ve been seeing a British guy who has spent more than 10 years in Taiwan. He is fluent in both Mandarin and Taiwanese, among several other languages such as French, German and Greek. Obviously the issue of language barrier is nonexistent between us. The language we use between us is English, since I feel most comfortable with it. One day, he starts speaking Mandarin with me, but I naturally replied in English (having grown up in a multilingual environment, I don’t find it odd to use more than one language during a conversation as long as everyone is fluent in them). And then he tells me: “I don’t want to speak English with you. You speak Chinese. So speak Chinese with me. I’m sick of English because I teach it every single day! When I talk to you I feel like I’m still working but just not getting paid for it.” But the thing is, I don’t get to speak English a lot in Taiwan, and I can’t exactly express myself fully in Chinese. He wants a break from English when he’s not working, whereas I want a break from Chinese when I’m not around Taiwanese people.

He said: “If I have to keep speaking English with you, I might just give up on seeing you.” I mean, what kind of excuse is that? I’ve tried speaking more Chinese with him recently, but I still feel uncomfortable about it. Even worse, now I can’t even speak English with him without feeling uncomfortable. I know this may seem like a stupid and trivial problem, but what can I do to make this a win-win situation? :unamused:

2

This guy is LAME.

My boyfriend brought up kind of a similar thing. He speaks Mandarin, Japanese, and English, but his Mandarin isn’t perfect yet, so he wants to practise more. He speaks pretty well but if I talk too fast in Mandarin sometimes I have to repeat things or explain them, which I don’t have to in English.

I speak both Mandarin and English, but I prefer to speak in English, as it was the language I was mainly educated in.

So he complains sometimes about not speaking enough Mandarin, and since he doesn’t really talk to many other people, he doesn’t really have many chances to practise his mandarin. But anyway, it’s a minor annoyance to him perhaps. However, he’s never threatened to break up with me because he didn’t want to speak English to me.

You sound like you are completely fluent in English, so I don’t see why he would have this problem, unless he had to constantly talk slowly so you could understand, or explain words and things you did not understand.

Then I could see why he would feel like he was teaching English in his spare time. But he doesn’t have to, right?

You should be enjoying your time together, and language shouldn’t really even be a problem if he enjoys the time you spend together?

His comment about how he would stop seeing you if you kept speaking English to him is just lame.

What dose he want, a language partner? If he wants to speak Chinese to you, he can speak in Chinese and you can speak in English. He shouldn’t try to force it on you like that.

I mean, English is his friggin mother tongue. Does he feel mentally taxed when he speaks to his family and English-speaking friends? Doesn’t he like you enough to ignore his bit of annoyance at having to speak English?

In fact. He sounds like an asshole. He shouldn’t be threatening you with this stupid matter and making you uncomfortable.

I’d learn a foreign language if I was seeing someone who didn’t speak my language so well. And you just want to converse in a language you are both comfortable with. You’re dating him, not doing language-exchange.

I say drop him. He sounds like a nit-picking weirdo.

3

Break up with him. Clearly if he’s that petty, then he isn’t worth being with.

Then he can go out with a Taiwanese girl who doesn’t speak English so he can practice his Chinese and you can go out with some FOB foreigner who doesn’t speak Chinese so you can practice your English. There’s your win-win scenario.

4

Just tell him next time he “tells” you he may give up on you,

[color=red]Don’t let the doornob hit ya where the good Lord split ya!![/color]

(say it in Chinese, you’ll really be fully expressing yourself!)

5

[quote=“lupillus”]

Then I could see why he would feel like he was teaching English in his spare time. But he doesn’t have to, right?

You should be enjoying your time together, and language shouldn’t really even be a problem if he enjoys the time you spend together? [/quote]

Yes, I’ve had the same thoughts.

[quote=“lupillus”]
You’re dating him, not doing language-exchange.[/quote]

Same thought again!

[quote=“lupillus”]
I say drop him. He sounds like a nit-picking weirdo.[/quote]

Well last night it came to a point where we’ve given up on talking to each other. The silence is starting to fill up everything between us and I’ve decided today not to see him again… :s

6

He’s a stupid prick. Dump him. Jesus. Just when you thought you’d heard everything… :unamused:

7

quite obviously his loss!

He can go back to doing language exchange, and worrying about psycho xiaojies. Smart, fluent English-speaking girls like you are much harder to find!

8

agree that it’s totally the dude’s loss. normal intelligent girls are pretty rare (anywhere). can’t say im surprised that he’s a brit and long-term expat. few more arrogant people exist in the world.

9

That’s a pretty arrogant thing to say. You must be a long-term British expat, eh? :laughing:

10

Either that or one of those rare, normal, intelligent girls.

11

The guy’s a dick. I mean, I can kind of understand where he’s coming from, but he’s still a dick.

12

You know. I kind of understand to a point. I wish my boyfriend would speak more Mandarin with me. I am most comfortable with him. He is patient when he doesn’t get it, he is gentle when he corrects me, and he laughs at me in an “Oh my god you are so cute” way instead of “oh my god you are so stupid way”. So yea, being that I really need to learn mandarin and english is just a hobby to him, I prefer him to speak Mandarin with me.
HOWEVER, I think that unless your man was on the rag (and men do go on periods) and unless he tells you he was an ass and he is sorry (and really means it), curbing him was the right idea!!!
You should be able to have a balance.

13

Actually I think he may just be suffering from “Teaching ESL For Too Long Depressive Rage Syndrome”. (TESLFTLDRS for short.) I quite often get it by Saturday night too and the only way for the wife to settle me down is to talk to me in really easy Mandarin and rub my belly while feeding me strawberries and ice cold whiskey until I fall asleep.

14

The irony, the irony…

He failed to learn the most important language of all.

15

[quote=“enola”]
Well last night it came to a point where we’ve given up on talking to each other. The silence is starting to fill up everything between us and I’ve decided today not to see him again… :s[/quote]

Good for you… His loss. :bravo: :notworthy:

16

Well, has anyone had the opposite problem? I went with a taiwanese girl for a while who absolutely forbade me to speak english and wanted me to close my eyes when talking to her because “big eyes are scary.” :loco:

17

:laughing: Yes that must be it!

I agree, men do. But my decision was based on many flaws we had in the relationship (age gap, personality clashes, etc). This language thing just stood out like a sore thumb.

Thanks for all the comments! :notworthy:

18

The irony, the irony…

He failed to learn the most important language of all.[/quote]

Wow. One of the most eloquent posts I have read on Forumosa.

“For a while?” Damn, the sex must have been good to have put up with such toddler mentality for that long.

Anyway…

enola, love, unless this guy refuses to speak English with anyone else as well, he’s not suffering from whatever affliction bob made up. He’s just being a prick who considers you to be his language exchange partner or as his way of marking himself from being different from all the other foreigners ('cause he speaks the language for real, man…not like those FOB’s). And the pouting/silent treatment bullshit is just another way of manipulating you.

In short, drop his ass like a wet, second-hand Kleenex.

19

Perhaps speaking Chinglish could have saved this relationship. :unamused:

20

Saved it for what?