I’m a foreign girl here, and I agree that it’s difficult to make friendships here. However, it’s not impossible, you just have to persever with girls that you like. I have a few good acquaintances and one really very good female Taiwanese friend.
As a woman, I find it more difficult to make freinds with Taiwanese men, actually. The few that I’ve tried with have either got sleezy or run away when I’ve suggested meeting up for coffee/museum/etc
[quote=“gcat”]I’m a foreign girl here, and I agree that it’s difficult to make friendships here. However, it’s not impossible, you just have to persever with girls that you like. I have a few good acquaintances and one really very good female Taiwanese friend.
As a woman, I find it more difficult to make freinds with Taiwanese men, actually. The few that I’ve tried with have either got sleezy or run away when I’ve suggested meeting up for coffee/museum/etc[/quote]
are they shy? 
No, I think it’s just that usually when you ask a Taiwanese guy out they think you have a male/female, that is, sexual interest in them. Luckily there are a few exceptions or I would not have any friends at all!
I gave up dating Taiwanese girls for pretty much the same reason. They remind me of when I was 14 again for all the wrong reasons. Since I don’t intend leaving Taiwan any time soon it looks like I’m destined to become a loveless old crone sniff. Slippers and tube socks on standby!
Taiwanese WOMEN, on the other hand, can be a completely different story; my best friends are all married couples over 30. I think a good rule-of-thumb is to subtract 10 years from their real age to get their mental age.
The problem is very much one of emotional maturity. Taiwanese girls just cannot - absolutely, positively can NOT - accept that I can work in music, party occasionally, talk openly about sex or life yet also be caring and responsible. It’s like their head explodes if they can’t pidgeonhole someone into ‘bad boy/girl’ or ‘good boy/girl’.
People like you (and many other Forumosans) will never find it easy to slot into Taiwanese life - but then, do you really want to? I’m sure you’d rather be unique, fun, open and full of life than yet another self-obsessed city girl with so much empty space in her head you could hold a concert in there.
I suggest you just hang around with people you do like - whether they be Koreans, other foreigners, whatever. You’ll also find the aforementioned older women a lot more open-minded and easy to talk to.
[quote=“sara8888”]I am a Korean who is living Taiwan for over 18 yrs.
I can say that i almost grow up in taiwan.
my step father is a Japanese…
so I can tell that my family education is abit mixed…
I am not living in Korea and Japan… but i dun have problem with Korean and Japanese friends who is living in Taiwan.
and even my Korean elementery schoolmates we still contact each other…
still good friend…
but I really dun understand Taiwanese female friends… >"<
even i m doing much better with male friends in here.[/quote]
I have some male Taiwanese acquaintances in the 20s who are absolutely clueless and just can’t read the signs of attraction or otherwise.
Plenty of them are convinced that girl X is really into them and I don’t have the heart to tell them it’s plain as mud that they’re not.
The ones who do have a clue are, err, gay.
It’s not just Taiwanese guys who think that way. Lots of Taiwanese girls act as if a guy is a sleaze if he initiates conversation or acts a bit friendly.
llary wrote:
I have a real problem with this. Most Taiwanese of any age have little to do with their community, ie, little to draw them into life beyond their own, and this is what a lot of foreigners base their interpretations of the Taiwanese upon. We see them as selfish and immature, but we’re missing a part of the picture we don’t even realize is missing. A big part.
You just cannot simply apply a “subtract 10 years” equation to get what you see. It’s much more complicated than that.
It’s not fair and is demeaning. I know you didn’t intend it to mean that…but still…there must be a far better way of describing the thing you are describing, no?
(That, and you treat my wife likes she’s 24 and she’ll have your head on a platter. 
I’m just trying to save you. 
jdslidestheweightbackabit
[quote=“llary”]I gave up dating Taiwanese girls for pretty much the same reason. They remind me of when I was 14 again for all the wrong reasons. Since I don’t intend leaving Taiwan any time soon it looks like I’m destined to become a loveless old crone sniff. Slippers and tube socks on standby!
[/quote]
Wow… I’m not quite sure the circles you are mixing with but I’ve been in TW for almost 1 year and sure, there are some of the ‘Hello Kitty, I’m so cute’ mentality girls. They sometimes act all cutesy & naive, it’s all part of the act. But generally, I have met some really smart, intelligent Taiwanese girls out there. Some like it cute, some don’t - to each its own… 
[quote=“TomHill”]I agree with many of those points. I have seen Taiwanese girls as university students, and as you say, BF can stay over, but drinking is for sluts!
[/quote]
Really? I don’t get any reactions from waitress whenever I order beer at restaurants.
I don’t really care what strangers think of me, but there was one time I was afraid of others’ attention.
It was a very hot summer afternoon. I was about to order a glass of beer at open air restaurant, then suddenly felt embarrassed as I realized that I was with my baby. (She was sleeping)
Have you ever seen a mother drinking beer with a new born baby sleeping in a stroller? Is it too much?
It taste really good when you drink ice cold beer in a hot afternoon. 
I’m not really sure what part of the picture I’m missing (and that really isn’t meant to be offhanded - please tell me!)
You must excuse my frustration as sometimes I feel like I am making the choice between the chance of a good, long-lasting relationship and my life in Taiwan. If someone reminds me that there are exceptions I’ll knock their block off - the point is that finding the right long-term partner in Taiwan seems like a monumental task.
If I’m honest, I can’t even put my finger on what I’m trying to say but my experiences dating Taiwanese girls have left me banging my head on the wall, in tears, or all of the above. (Perhaps I will go into gory details some day when the D&R forum gets boring). I have many wonderful female Taiwanese friends - but they are just that: friendships.
I don’t see the Taiwanese as selfish at all and never have. I do, however (sorry!) stick to my guns and say that your average Taiwanese IS less emotionally mature than their Western counterpart. It’s not their fault, but they’re shielded from so much life until a late age that they haven’t had a chance to go out, make a whole lot of mistakes and learn the practicalities of the World At Large.
The best way I can sum it up is to say that if I need practical help I know my Taiwanese friends will always be there for me, without question. However, I rarely turn to them for emotional support. Maybe I should just shut the hell up, get me to the nearest nightclub, try to have as much sex as humanly possible before the flab hits and act my age.
[quote=“jdsmith”]llary wrote:
I have a real problem with this. Most Taiwanese of any age have little to do with their community, ie, little to draw them into life beyond their own, and this is what a lot of foreigners base their interpretations of the Taiwanese upon. We see them as selfish and immature, but we’re missing a part of the picture we don’t even realize is missing. A big part.[/quote]
[quote=“sara8888”]
Indiana if you have bbq next time I’d like to join !!! heh heh ~~[/quote]
I have BBQs almost every Friday night at my place…but I live in the south, so if you are willing to make the trek down, I would love to have you over! 
[quote=“nihonjin”][quote=“TomHill”]I agree with many of those points. I have seen Taiwanese girls as university students, and as you say, BF can stay over, but drinking is for sluts!
[/quote]
Really? I don’t get any reactions from waitress whenever I order beer at restaurants.[/quote]
Yes, not from the waitresses, who are just doing their job…but what about the reaction from others around you? 
I was at a Christmas party for my school last week, and ordered a beer…all the Taiwanese staff had a good old chat in Chinese about it, for a good 5 minutes…and now at work, it’s all, “So, you like beer? How many do you drink? Why you drink it? Do you drunk every night?” and so on and so on, endless ridiculous questions that drive you crazy… 
mind you, I DO live in the south of Taiwan, and I understand that Taipei can be a different world altogether…
well,Taiwan was ruled by Japan.
People were educated seriously.Especially to women.
Drinking thing was allowed to men not women.
If you drink in public that will be a BIG shame,crime…
Now we are OK more than those years.I admit we have more to improve.And we will do it better.
I think the culture’s difference will be a problem among
people.Not only Taiwanese and foreign but aslo Japanese,korean…
Please dont think Taiwanese are Alien,strange… 
lingq… @@
that’t why i can’t communicate with taiwanese girl…
u got the wrong points,
i am not talking about TW girls are bad…
U got it ?
they are nice and they live with their own way…
but friendship … base on some common sence…
it just sounds to me…u dun really understand what is my problem…
u just busy to explain taiwanese are nice people…
yes and of course they are nice and good…
but different way in living… and thinking…
my act and react … and their act and their re-act are totally different…
i tried to know other forign in tw have same problem with me or only just me …
well… it looks like most of us has same problem…
i feel much better now…hehehehe…
coz u know why ? people around me … all same reply to me like lingq…
they didnt even understand how i feel… why i feel this way…
i felt like whole problem is on my personality…
now i feel much much better… 
it’s feel good someone understand my situation of friendship even they are not known in real life … hahahahahahahaa
well,sara,maybe I got the wrong points.And I know some Taiwanese girls are really hard to get along with.Me,had the same problem like you for a while.But you live in Taiwan for 18 yrs,I think you should know how we r thinking or reacting .
I really think you just met the wrong person.If you want ,you can find the close friend like you made before.
I follow a rule"合則來否則拉倒"thats not my problem.
I don’t get any attention when I drink with my husband, but I noticed people were staring at us when I was dring with my mother. I suppose ladies at my mother’s age do not drink in public in Taiwan. They must be fascinated.
Yes, it may be a fascination, but not a discrimination that they ask you such questions. It sounds ridiculous (especially “Why do you drink it?”) to us, but they may simply wonder about it. It’s a good thing that they ask you questions, so that you have a chance to explain how wonderful it tastes!
Sometimes, it is annoying to explain our common sense, but it’s good to know that they are interested in our culture. If they are not interested in you, or in your culture, they don’t bother to ask you questions.
Hope you’ll find drinking buddies among your colleagues. 
I don’t get any attention when I drink with my husband, but I noticed people were staring at us when I was dring with my mother. I suppose ladies at my mother’s age do not drink in public in Taiwan. They must be fascinated.
Yes, it may be a fascination, but not a discrimination that they ask you such questions. It sounds ridiculous (especially “Why do you drink it?”) to us, but they may simply wonder about it. It’s a good thing that they ask you questions, so that you have a chance to explain how wonderful it tastes!
Sometimes, it is annoying to explain our common sense, but it’s good to know that they are interested in our culture. If they are not interested in you, or in your culture, they don’t bother to ask you questions.
Hope you’ll find drinking buddies among your colleagues. [/quote]
Yes, I know it’s not discimination, but that’s only because I am a western woman and it’s a given that I will be “different” from the “norm” here…but it happens to me a lot when it comes to my coworkers and others. I always feel as though I am being interviewed and analyzed. Yes, it’s fascination and curiosity…but it doesn’t make me want to have local female friends, that’s for sure!
They make a big deal out of everything…the fact that I exercise and go on long bike rides (Why foreign girls all like to exercise and get the muscle??), get a suntan sometimes (Iyaa! So black! Why you like this?), eat sandwiches for lunch sometimes, shop at Costco’s, have BBQs at my house for friends just for fun (and not just on the Taiwanese designated BBQ days!), travel to foreign countries without joining a tour group, etc. etc. the list goes on and on…
I know it’s different for them, but come on…Why is diversity so freaky for so many people here? Why is it that if a person in Taiwan doesn’t share the “Borg” mentality (Trekkies will know what I mean) of the others, they are seen as “SO BAD!”?
So, I finally started to turn the tables on them. I started to respond in the reverse when I get asked “curious” questions. “Why do Taiwanese women like to be so thin and weak? Why do you want to look like a ghost?” etc. After all, I am just being “curious” about their culture, too…right? 
[quote=“Indiana”]Yes, I know it’s not discimination, but that’s only because I am a western woman and it’s a given that I will be “different” from the “norm” here…but it happens to me a lot when it comes to my coworkers and others. I always feel as though I am being interviewed and analyzed. Yes, it’s fascination and curiosity…but it doesn’t make me want to have local female friends, that’s for sure!
They make a big deal out of everything…the fact that I exercise and go on long bike rides (Why foreign girls all like to exercise and get the muscle??), get a suntan sometimes (Iyaa! So black! Why you like this?), eat sandwiches for lunch sometimes, shop at Costco’s, have BBQs at my house for friends just for fun (and not just on the Taiwanese designated BBQ days!), travel to foreign countries without joining a tour group, etc. etc. the list goes on and on…
I know it’s different for them, but come on…Why is diversity so freaky for so many people here? Why is it that if a person in Taiwan doesn’t share the “Borg” mentality (Trekkies will know what I mean) of the others, they are seen as “SO BAD!”?
So, I finally started to turn the tables on them. I started to respond in the reverse when I get asked “curious” questions. “Why do Taiwanese women like to be so thin and weak? Why do you want to look like a ghost?” etc. After all, I am just being “curious” about their culture, too…right? :p[/quote]
Yeah, being too popular is also a problem. If they are so different from you, you can’t enjoy your life. For my case, I cannot get along with people from different back ground even if they are from same country(Japan).
I used to attented an American high shcool in Singapore, but I remember most of Taiwanese flocked together and did not tried to mix with other nationalities. I had a Taiwanese female friend, but her parents never let her go anywhere with her friends after school, so we couldn’t be close enough to talk about our personal matters etc. I felt sorry for her, but it seemed she did not mind about it. Different culture, I guess.
[quote=“nihonjin”][quote=“Indiana”]Yes, I know it’s not discimination, but that’s only because I am a western woman and it’s a given that I will be “different” from the “norm” here…but it happens to me a lot when it comes to my coworkers and others. I always feel as though I am being interviewed and analyzed. Yes, it’s fascination and curiosity…but it doesn’t make me want to have local female friends, that’s for sure!
They make a big deal out of everything…the fact that I exercise and go on long bike rides (Why foreign girls all like to exercise and get the muscle??), get a suntan sometimes (Iyaa! So black! Why you like this?), eat sandwiches for lunch sometimes, shop at Costco’s, have BBQs at my house for friends just for fun (and not just on the Taiwanese designated BBQ days!), travel to foreign countries without joining a tour group, etc. etc. the list goes on and on…
I know it’s different for them, but come on…Why is diversity so freaky for so many people here? Why is it that if a person in Taiwan doesn’t share the “Borg” mentality (Trekkies will know what I mean) of the others, they are seen as “SO BAD!”?
So, I finally started to turn the tables on them. I started to respond in the reverse when I get asked “curious” questions. “Why do Taiwanese women like to be so thin and weak? Why do you want to look like a ghost?” etc. After all, I am just being “curious” about their culture, too…right? :p[/quote][/quote]
Sorry, I forgot to make comments on the above bold sentences.
About getting suntan: Pls be careful!! I use to go the beach every weekend and got a nice tan when I was in the late 20’s. Now, when I reached mid 30’s, the tan turn into stain and fleckles and it costs me so much to get rid of them!
Being thin and weak: Nobody wants to be weak, but I suppose everyone wants to be slim. However, I do agree some asian girls are too skinny, but they think they are in a good shape.
Nihonjin, I don’t think that Indiana really thinks that Taiwanese girls are too thin and weak. She’s saying that she reverses every question, e.g. if someone asks her why do Western women like exercise and having muscles, she would ask why do Taiwanese women like to be thin and weak.
The point is to answer their stupid question with another stupid question.