Well, actually the second but this is the first time I actually had any contact with the driver and the first time I wasn’t in my truck - things seem less scary and a fair bit funnier inside a big steel cage.
I was working late tonight and coming home on the RZX after a hearty lu-wei supper. I’m sure anyone who’s ridden with me will vouch that I’m a safe rider and generally go out of my way not to offend other road users. Riding along Dong Shan rd. in Taichung I see a Mitsubishi shitmobile hurtling up behind me doing at least 100 so I move as far right as possible and slow down to get the fuck out of his way. He slows right down so I speed up again… and so does he. This goes on for about 3 or 4 cycles before the headlights start flashing and I know I have a random vendetta on my hands… maybe an RZX owner fucked his wife last week… who knows. I always ride with full gear and full-face helmet so it definitely wasn’t a foreigner thing. Whenever the traffic in front was too dangerous to pass he pulled up to me and tried to swerve me off the road… fortunately I could steer a lot faster than him (probably because he was so fucking drunk… see below) and he didn’t succeed. Then he tried to ram me into the side of a couple riding a scooter(!!) but they swerved and I accelerated out of the way. I couldn’t see how many people were in the car so I didn’t want to stop and instead tried to outrun him up to some tight alleys ahead I knew he wouldn’t be able to follow through. However, he obviously couldn’t handle his car at high speeds and he almost killed a few scooter riders so I pulled into a safe-ish position behind a parked van at the red light ahead. I dialled 110 into my cellphone as soon as we stopped and was planning to leg it to the nearby 7-11 in the hope that if the shit did hit the fan at least I’d have witnesses or maybe a CCTV video. He starts shouting something in Taiwanese, at which point I realise he’s so fucking drunk that he can barely keep his head upright. I also realised there was only one fat, unfit middle-aged guy who was obviously not going to be able to put up a fight.
What I wish I’d have done at this point: got in his car, switched it off and headbutted the little prick before driving his car into a wall. I’m still wishing I did this right now. I’m a wuss.
What I actually did at this point: failed to take in what was going on and couldn’t think of anything else to say except ‘what… the… fuck?!’ Inexplicably, he then shakes his finger, makes a left turn into an intersection accompanied by screeching brakes of oncoming cars and clips the side of another parked car with his mirror as he does so. This guy seriously needs castration and/or a good beating.
I have his reg number (V61316 - will I get banned for posting asshole plate numbers?) but I see zero point in reporting it.
The Good Part Of The Story: the scooter couple turned out to be an agreeable pair in their late 40s who took the situation with good humour and approached me smiling. The offered to help me report the guy(!!!) so I thanked them with much sincerity and gusto but noted that it would just be a waste of our time. So one asshole and two really good people… the balance is still looking pretty good. And with that I’m going to bed for some angry dreaming.