I lost to the Dark Side yesterday

Taiwan Parenting
#10

But Durins B. has wisely counselled his son to break that chain, bob.

My two NT = this is one of those situations that calls out for formal complaints. If the school responds in the way that other posters have predicted, not only does that absolve them of blame (if it’s let go, it never really happened) but there’s also no guarantee that the boy will not continue to target your son.

Scare that child (through, and along with his family/formal complaints) and make him understand that he endangered your son’s life. Otherwise, bullies just grow worse over time.

#11

[quote=“Flicka”]using every possible resource to tell everyone really does wonders.[/quote]Using the media would also be an option, but one that you’ll have to get onto right now. It isn’t going to be news tomorrow. Oh, and you might get more interest from the media if you let mom handle it, since your going down to the school isn’t an integral part of the story. You might suppress the fact your kid is of mixed race since any sniff of Taiwanese racism will pour cold water over any interest the media has.

#12

Up until yesterday I did.

[quote=“rooftop”]
My two NT = this is one of those situations that calls out for formal complaints. If the school responds in the way that other posters have predicted, not only does that absolve them of blame (if it’s let go, it never really happened) but there’s also no guarantee that the boy will not continue to target your son. [/quote]

I know that the school will do nothing, but they deserve a chance to act on their own. I will give them a day or two. I am thinking my best option is to go to the police station and file a report and also talk my my friends at the Kaohsiung Education department.

#13

Talk to the parents. In most cases if you’re rational and clear the parents will take care of the issue. They will apologize and whoop the kid good when he gets home.

There are cases where this does not happen. In that case, don’t lose your “victim” status. If you get too aggro, you will lose your “victim” status and be classified as the problem instead. Don’t scare the other kid. Not only is that immature, but you will quickly become the “unreasonable”, “them” against “us”.

  1. Tell you son he can defend himself (and be prepared for the consequences)
  2. Threaten the school with a formal complaint if something isn’t done
  3. Talk personally to the teacher about how upset you about the incident
  4. Look for another school
#14

What I wrote wasn’t very clear. I meant scare the child/and his family by making a formal complaint.

I didn’t mean to suggest you take him on.

One more thing DB: if you wait too long to make a formal complaint, it might not result in much. Have you photographed any marks on your son?

#15

(a) sue the school
(b) file a police report - not that the police could care less, but you might get some leverage in your civil complaint.

Take no prisoners. You’re a foreigner. They expect you to be Bolshi. Ham it up. This softly-softly crap never worked for me. What would a Taiwanese parent do if his son was shot? Get all Confucian? My arse.

We need a Spanish-language forum!
#16

DB,

You were very restrained.

I know that you probably feel like crunching someone now. However, the real pain you can cause them would be that resultant from actual legal action. There is nothing like a legal action to get peoples’ attention and to get them moving to do what they ought to have done originally. Its an unfortunate fact, but, many problems are never settled until legal action is taken. I would also seek out the parents of the kids who shot the bb gun and who threw the rock and tell them you will be suing them too. This is absolute nonsense and the attitude around here (Taiwan) is that everything should be forgotten now as nobody was severely harmed. That’s why there are so many “next times” with wailing family members here… too few have a sense of foreseeability here.

I think the school was way wrong when it failed to notify you immediately and wrong again in the way that they treated you… and I doubt that the school intends to do much at all, which would be a third wrong. The fourth wrong is that they allowed your boy to be bullied.

As to the issue of whether your boy deserved getting shot or having a rock thrown at him… absolutely not.

#17

If that’s the case then I think it would be best for you and the school to part ways.

A ruckus needs to be raised in the manner that gets the result you want.

So… what do you want?

#18

All that is necessary for the triumph
of evil is that good men do nothing. — Edmund Burke

Go after them hard! (school and parents)

#19

I’m good with a bb gun. I can make that bully punk shut his mouth and know his role.

#20

Get photos of the marks on your son.
Get a doctors report.
Go to the police station now a file a criminal complaint.
Go the a lawyer and start procedings to sue the school and parents.

Do this now, because once the evidence has faded you have no case.

Sadly (sweeping generalisation alert) the only way to force Taiwnese to take action is to threaten to cost them money.

I know you don’t want to make waves, but your son was shot. What if next time the pellet hits him in the eye?

Even if nothing as serious as this happens again, you have shown your emotions infront of a room a Taiwanese. If your son retaliates for whatever reason in the future, he will get the blame. Like father like son. It’s the foreign blood. etc.

I don’t have kids, yet, and haven’t been here as long as some, but I have had a winning hand trumped by the ‘but you are a foreigner card’ enough times to see where this will end up, if you play fairly.

#21

In principle I agree with bob, that violence begets violence. But sometimes it takes an asskicking to teach bullies a lesson.

I’d say, if my own experience is anything to go by, the moment young Rufus flips that little bastard on his back and shows that he’s more than willing to defend himself if need be, that little gun-weilding shit is going to stop pretty damn smartly. I was victim of all sorts of shit at primary school, till I whacked one of the little pricks in the head with a chair.

#22

What exactly can you go after the school for?
I mean beyond their lame response… are they in anyway at fault … after all the boy brought the BB gun from home else bought it somewhere,

If they saw him with the weapon and did not remove it from him ( it may be a little diffiuclt to conceal it in his bag or jacket without somebody noticing), then what are they liable for ?

And what about the boy since he is a minor? Since he is a minor they can only expel or kick him out or expel him or send him to consuelling?
What about the parents? Can they be found guilty of anything barring giving the boy access to the weapon?

I assume in this bury your head in the sand or smile it off society, there may not be many cases of this or many cases that were taken to the courts

#23

[quote=“TNT”]What exactly can you go after the school for?
I mean beyond their lame response… are they in anyway at fault … after all the boy brought the BB gun from home else bought it somewhere,

If they saw him with the weapon and did not remove it from him ( it may be a little diffiuclt to conceal it in his bag or jacket without somebody noticing), then what are they liable for ?[/quote]

Well, there certainly doesn’t seem to be a notion of in loco parentis here. There is an appalling lack of adult supervision at Taiwanese elementary schools, IMO. Nonetheless, whether the action has merit per the rules here is irrelevant to the goal of causing people pain (worry and embarrassment) and getting some action taken.

#24

I’d say one reason that so many bury their heads in the sand is because so few take cases such as this to court.

#25

It

#26

Perhaps you could try to arrange a sit down with all parties involved - the kids, parents and teachers. Give your son a chance to express his hurt and anger towards these people in a safe environment. This will have the effect of healing the relationship between them by allowing them the possibility of seeing more of the complete human beings involved. The kids with the rocks and bb guns will probably feel and express real remorse and your son may be able to truly forgive, in which case this could turn into a valuable learning opportunity for everyone involved. It is up to you to demonstrate that you are bigger than them and able to control your violence. Easier said than done. Anyway I realize that you knew all of this already but I thought you might need a reminder just now.

#27

or…from my knowledge of local kids, the kid who hit rufus will say ‘pai-sei pai-sei’ in front of the parents & teachers…then ask other kids to kick rufus’ around some more…

#28

The best way maybe to bring justice/law to people who seem to have a warped logic on it (Taiwanese)…is to hit them where it hurts … in the pocket.

Then mom and dad may not allow Billy access to BB guns… and Billy may realise that there are consequences not just for him or the person he hurt, but for this family if he does something like this.
Other parents will also get this message that their is a cost to bringing up their kids like little emperors, and that is not unacceptable.
I wonder does this kid see what he did was wrong and why it was wrong?

On the school maybe all you can do is register a complaint that this occurred so they won’ t have the excuse the next time that something like this never happens ( bullying and bringing weapons to school) and may try and at least watch for bullying or curtail it

#29

And even though that occured just over a week ago, the ‘little prick’ hasn’t acted up again!!

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

OOC