Short story. I met an amazing, intelligent, talented, athletic, loving, with lots of friends that love her, woman through a friend when we were all just having some wine in the afternoon.
I have known her for about 2 months and every time we’re together we have a drink or two or maybe more. That’s okay not a problem.
One afternoon she walks up to me with a small bottle of whiskey and said her friend gave it to her after she saw us together and said “have fun”. Kind of considered that a gift for me But I’m on alert now.
A few days ago she has a coffee cup at 830am in the morning (redundant comment) with wine in it. And then she finishes the whole bottle of wine before 11 am. Okay, I helped a little.
There was a time and maybe a little bit now when I would consider this possibly a good/fun/who cares quality. But now I’m more worried about her and any kind of future.
Taiwanese aboriginal woman and I’m not asking a question just if anyone has any preferably helpful comments thoughts perspectives or suggestions.
I’m not yet quite willing to give her up just for this one concern. I’m actually considering high potential for a future.
Been there. Had this kind of girlfriend. Also have a mom in AA now. How to fix the problem? Start by being incredibly blunt. Tell her how you feel about the drinking. Then, tell her what you’re prepared to do without bullshitting anyone. If you’re ready to leave her if she doesn’t stop drinking, tell her so. And then, if she doesn’t stop drinking or gets more furtive about it, walk.
She’s got to change herself. What you do is up to you.
The sad thing is that there really aren’t a lot of treatment options available in Taiwan. There’s also a lot of shame surrounding this problem. Best of luck in this situation. I know it’s not easy.
She sounds like an alcoholic. I love my booze but I’ve enjoyed drinks in the morning only three times in my life (once after a funeral). But…people do quit drinking and change course. Maybe see if she would stop for month. If she can’t do it, well I would look for another girlfriend.
I would tell her that. And add that the drinking scares you and so you would like for the two of you to stop for a while. You’ll find out if she makes it or not.
This is my first thought. And I’m thinking she might think I’m accusing her of something. I will ease into this. I think, sadly, she could only do it one day, or less, at a time.
I would be super blunt and be as open as possible about the issue as soon as you can. The longer you wait the worse it might get and the more a dependence will grow. I’ve had substance abuse issues before and those close to me saw it coming before I even did. Luckily they mentioned it off hand and it made me stop and say to myself “holy shit wtf am i doing?”
hopefully you can get that sort of response rather than denial or full on resistance.
But I’m on alert now.
