Re: I need a pretend boyfriend (American or not) I’d say NOT.
In other words, I would advise against deploying American assets in this role.
While they no doubt have some admirable qualities, size isn’t everything, and some tactical subtelty is required here.
This is a job for British intelligence
I’m leaving Taiwan in a week, but if you’d posted sooner we could have made a deal, like I marry you to get your patents off your back, and I get residency in Taiwan, or something like that. You could always pretend you or I were infertile to get your patents to shut up about children. A huge percentage of Taiwanese are infertile. I’d still be willing to marry you and bring you to America, if the price was right. Message me if you’re interested.
[quote=“vanityvice”]
I’m frustrated, as you can tell.[/quote]
Summary to see if I have the facts right:
Well, as some said - you can’t play the fake BF thingy. Are you gonna wait till father moves to another life and then regret for the rest of your life never having told him the truth? Not to be judgmental - but biting the bullet might be the best thing to do.
Oh, and my wife says I am not allowed to be your fake BF seeing the picture from Boracay you posted
Anyway - success with whatever you’ll do
The fake BF idea is a non-starter. It will not solve your problem (short-run or long-run) and is likely to make the problem even worse (i.e. you are gay AND you lied to us!)
I agree with those suggesting a straight-on coming out to your parents is best. My older brother did so and despite some initial shock from parents and some siblings, time eventually brought everyone back together. However, I can appreciate that saying this and doing it are world’s apart.
My wife and sister-in-law (both Taiwanese) suggested very strongly that coming out directly would be very problematic for reasons of “face” for the parents. They suggested (as others have within this thread) that you tell your parents that you do not intend to get married, now or ever and do not provide any specific explanations. They suggested an approach as follows: (1) You are a 28 old year-old woman, independent and completely capable of making your own life decisions. (2) You have a career and/or friends, interests etc. and have decided that marriage is not something you are interested in pursuing. They will not like it, and they may see through your explanation…so be it. If they ask…you can tell them. If they don’t…it’s not really their business anyway and they don’t need to know.
Best wishes and good luck.
It took 2-3 years for my mother & sister to reconcile, after my sister came out. And that was in a much more supportive & less-traditional environment.
I think the fake boyfriend argument has something going for it, it certainly buys you a big chunk of time. A lot depends on how much time you spend here, and how visible the beard has to be. If he’s only ‘in play’ for a few days a year, then no big deal.
yeah, I don’t think people realise how being gay is still looked down upon by most of the world. Only you know your parents well enough to know what is the best thing to do. Personally, I would just say I don’t want to get married thanks, but you never know, you just may get to meet some really cool guy here that just happened to study at the wrong university and can’t get a work permit to stay here.
Battery9’s got a good point, I was reading through some of the responses in this thread the other day and found myself thinking ‘Huh… cultural differences really DO exist.’
There is an option of getting married to a guy who’s also gay. What works out really, really well is if your girlfriend and his boyfriend also get married. Apparently this is growing fairly common in China, I remember reading an article on it a year or so ago.
How about getting married to a closet gay and pretending you’re sterile. Or he is. 
So no children on the horizon.
Just a thought.
[quote=“antarcticbeech”]How about getting married to a closet gay and pretending you’re sterile. Or he is. So no children on the horizon.
[/quote]
I read about it in news from China. Lesbian couple marrying Gay couple to satisfy parents and pretending to be sterile.
Bad idea. Marriage creates all kinds of inheritance and other rights that even a pre-nuptial agreement may not solve in Taiwan.
ch.
[quote=“Feiren”]Bad idea. Marriage creates all kinds of inheritance and other rights that even a pre-nuptial agreement may not solve in Taiwan.
ch.[/quote]
That’s probably true, but a probable lack of offspring would nullify a lot of those issues, no?
I wouldn’t bank on it. The guy would probably be more nervous, since even without kids she could take him to the cleaners if they had any kind of falling-out. Such things aren’t restricted to hetero relationships. OK, under the circumstances it seems highly unlikely, but the possibility is there.
[quote=“Ducked”][quote=“Feiren”]Bad idea. Marriage creates all kinds of inheritance and other rights that even a pre-nuptial agreement may not solve in Taiwan.
ch.[/quote]
That’s probably true, but a probable lack of offspring would nullify a lot of those issues, no?[/quote]
No, your spouse has a reserved share in your estate.
[quote=“Feiren”][quote=“Ducked”][quote=“Feiren”]Bad idea. Marriage creates all kinds of inheritance and other rights that even a pre-nuptial agreement may not solve in Taiwan.
ch.[/quote]
That’s probably true, but a probable lack of offspring would nullify a lot of those issues, no?[/quote]
No, your spouse has a reserved share in your estate.[/quote]
That means
No estate (no worries about estate) = No problem
[color=#0000BF]This post has been edited to restore clarity after the previous posts were moderated.–HC[/color]
Face is something to be well read, and as such, stomped on without mercy if unqualified. Face for face sake is an utter cop out, and is not conducive to the natural state of human affairs.
Buddha reveals thus, or haven’t you heard?[/quote]
Face for face’s sake is stupid, saving face to avoid being disowned, breaking your parents’ heart, a life of whispers and knowing looks at every family occasion… Well, I think we’re talking about something else here.
Look, it breaks down really simple:
Western (US, UK, Canada etc.) View: Your parents are your parents, and if they truly love you then they want you to be happy. You can’t be happy if you have to keep pleasing them to the point of denying who you really are. There may be some conflict when you first come out, but stick through it and your family will accept you in the end because they love you (Disclaimer: There are plenty of stories of American families completely disowning gay sons or daughters, so this is quite an idealised view).
Taiwan: Your parents are your parents, and even if they know somewhere at the back of their minds they simply don’t have the coping mechanisms to deal with it. We are not equals of any kind; my parents are my parents, not my friends, and therefore I cannot teach them these coping mechanisms. I can hope that they actually do have them, but I doubt it. In order to protect my parents and myself, I should find a path of least resistance where everybody can be satisfied - I won’t have to worry about my love interests affecting my professional or family life, my family won’t have to hear the neighbours gossiping about me or live in fear that I’m going to upset the family’s social standing. Both sides will be happier and more secure.
Personally, if was me I would say: Fuck them. If they can’t accept me they can’t accept me; it’s not my problem. But then, I’m independent, living away from home, and I think I’ve got the Luna Lovegood thing 90% down pat. I’m not expecting or banking on any type of assistance or inheritance from my family at all, ever. I also know that my family has been through bigger shocks than ‘I’m gay’ and will pull through it.
If I belonged to another family, though, I may just choose not to rock the boat. I may be able to come out to them many years down the line, but for now it would be better to let them believe their fantasies and just keep everyone happy.
The cultural differences holds no water. Taiwan is not some African backwater where gays are sent to jail. We just had a female presidential candidate run who the opposition tried to smear as gay and it went nowhere; we had a female vice-president who is almost certainly gay and that went nowhere; we have talk shows, news articles, internet discussions all the time on the topic. Taiwan today is akin to Canada in the 70s, and not the 50s. Remember that even psychological associations once considered homosexuality a mental disease. Taiwanese parents only have their prejudice to go on. All the solid arguments are on the OP’s side.
I’ve always been of the opinion that when we are young our parents educate us, and when we are adults we educate our parents. It’s not easy but what is?
Of course coming out to one’s family is an entirely personal matter. But is not coming out really an option anymore? It’s one thing to keep a secret when doing so is safe and doesn’t affect your life much. It’s another when doing so is going to force you into hard and constant lies and possible choices you do not want to make.
I remember what it was like with my parents…my dad figured it out by himself when I introduced my then-ex to him as a friend. I believe the exact words were “how long have you two been dating?” When I asked him how he knew, he said “I’m your father. I know you better than you do.”
I would be lying if I said my parents were cool with everything, but my dad tried to put on a poker face about the whole thing and be supportive. My mom kept asking me “why?!” in a very condescending way and it kept started fights between my parents with my dad arguing with my mom on my behalf for about 6 months…in my heart I know my mom is not comfortable with all this really, but she is supportive of me, and was very nice to my ex when I brought him to the US for a few weeks and stayed at my house.
One time I was talking to both my parents and they explained to me the reason why some parents are not 100% supportive. Most of the time, it actually has nothing to do with disapproval of who you are attracted to. All parents want their children to be happy. It has more to do with the fact that a lot of people in the world have a blind hatred of that and they don’t want their child to have extra ‘un-needed’ difficulties or hardships. Some people are also blinded by religion or other social norms or pressures. I’m happy my parents never pulled the Jesus card, which they wouldn’t do, anyway.
As far as Taiwanese parents go…my ex’s mom found out in the most face-losing way possible…she walked in on us. She was also 100% fine with him being gay. She told me afterwards that she just wants him to be happy, and it really shouldn’t matter what the sex of the other person is.
I recommend you just come out to your parents. You are not the first Taiwanese lesbian, by far. Actually in my opinion, lesbians are preferable to gays because with gays comes this idea of changing gender roles which Chinese people are just not okay with. In a Chinese social context, the boy is the leader of the family and will have kids to continue the family, and the girl…we were gonna marry her off anyway so who cares. I also think lesbians fly under the radar more.
If your parents can’t deal with it, that’s their problem and not yours.
That right there is the point. Of course the OP’s parents already know, as (no doubt) do several other people. They just won’t admit it to themselves. Having “the talk” is not going to give anyone a heart attack because it’s not going to give them any new information.
There is no “culture” aspect here. I’m sure it’s a bloody difficult thing to do regardless.
[quote=“Ducked”]
Ah…OK. Nun then. Monks are male.[/quote]
You do know why they’re called ‘nuns’, right? 
:eh: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:
This is why I would never marry a chinese/taiwanese/hkese woman. They listen too much to their parents and families and not enough to themselves.