So, I’ve been living in Taiwan for a while, and have been dating a Taiwanese girl for a few months. I really like her, and I think we have a genuine connection, but there’s a few things that are a real thorn in my side. I pay for everything when we go out, and so far I’ve always been the one travelling to see her. It’s just money but, I feel she doesn’t really appreciate all I do for her. I rarely hear words of praise or positivity out of her mouth, and I feel like I’m just expected to treat her like a princess all the time. Is this just cultural? Is it worth trying to broach the subject?
I really like her, but I don’t want to be in a totally one-way relationship. Any advice from people who have been through this here?
It’s just that particular girl. Could be the same in almost any culture. Also depends on family, religion, social status, local culture where they live, etc. just like anywhere.
Taiwan culture can be similar or very different. It’s not a one-size-fits-all.
I’ve been through ones where I pay for everything. I’ve been through ones where she will not let me pay for anything, always 50%. And been through others where no one keeps track.
Maybe she just isn’t a praising type person. Or maybe she is just using you.
What of these do you know about her? Anything you can share about her and family will help with advice.
She’s from Taichung, religious to an extent (but I don’t know much about that). She seems quite posh.
Her personality just seems so ambivalent. We talk often and she comes off caring and gentle enough. But she says some negative things about my appearance.
You looking for a perfect girl ? Doesn’t exist. Taiwanese girls usually expect you to pay for everything unless she’s westernized or doesn’t see you as a boyfriend.
Quite frankly girls of all races can be a pain in the butt. It’s just the way it is.
Most Taiwanese girls expect if you want to be a boyfriend and potential husband you have to be a provider. If she won’t let you pay or often pays she sees you as a friend or at best at best a fuckbuddy.
You gotta ask yourself what do you see her as? Is she a girlfriend or a fuckbuddy? What is it you are looking for. You want a relationship ? You want a fuckbuddy or you just want a platonic ?
I don’t disagree with you and I realize this stuff. I know it’s very traditional in terms of gender roles and that’s cool. But we haven’t even hooked up yet, and she hasn’t been to see me yet. I guess the main thing is that I feel unappreciated. I’ll probably speak up, tell her I want her to come to me next time.
Not a guy, but I hope you realize that anyone who makes negative stuff during the honeymoon stage isn’t creating a healthy relationship with you. This is a form of control.
Edit
I guess the main thing is that I feel unappreciated.
If you feel this way, you might be. Reconsider this relationship and ask yourself how you see yourself wanting to be treated.
True but maybe I’m unlucky but every girl i have been with is into controlling me.
Eve controlled Adam even though God may have wanted Adam to be the boss. Most women want to be the boss in the relationship…or maybe I have been unlucky.
P.s. honeymoon? Don’t think they have held hands yet.
At this stage given the very limited info I think she thinks of him as something to do.
Don’t know about this situation well enough yet but some Taiwan girls, some families, some anyone, see this as a form of caring. Or it could be just a way she has learned to communicate.
Taichung girls can be really sweet. And then there are the party girls. And others in between.
ambivalent: << don’t confuse a lack of showing emotion or expression as not caring. You know many families and people don’t express a lot of love and emotion and even some have never said they love their family members or even shared a hug.
To me, this is very normal. Girls always mention this to me. It’s more of encouragement than criticism… Even though it doesn’t seem like it at first. That’s my take anyways, if she really thought you were too fat… She probably wouldn’t be with you.
I used to get hung up on this too… But think about the salary of Taiwanese. As a foreigner, we usually make so much more than them. Paying for things is harder for them. I would look for other clues to see if she’s interested. The frequency of texting mentioned above is good advice.
Just ask her to go there. But remember, it’s hard to commute on the HSR on a Taiwanese salary
Great. A lifetime of providing for someone who likes to nitpick you. By your description is sounds like she is letting you know exactly what you’re in for.
