Indicators that a Taiwanese girl is just looking for a way into your home country?

Hello everyone. While I don’t live in Taiwan, I’m in an online relationship with a Taiwanese woman and planning my first trip to meet her in person in a month or two. I’ve read quite a few horror stories of these kinds of relationships though, and I’m hoping to receive some advice from those wiser than myself on this matter and Taiwanese women in general.

Here’s a bit of background information.
At 25, I’m 5 years younger than her. She has a bachelors degree, and she has a decent job in Taipei supporting herself. Unfortunately, she’s not very happy with her job.
We met in December of 2012 on a dating site and since then have been exchanging texts every day and video chatting through Skype a few times a week.

She’s always very sweet and caring, and we share a lot in common with each other. Yes, she’s very beautiful. :slight_smile: She’s ready to settle down and get married and is looking for love and a caring man. (She’s not interested in Taiwanese men…)

BUT… there’s a few things that I’m not so sure about. She makes roughly the same as I do now, and I’m still working AND completing school for the next three years so she knows that I’m not wealthy by any means. Things will be tight financially and she acts like it’s not a problem at all. That worries me a little.

She has asked me if I ‘have good insurance’. (I do- and being that I work for the government- government benefits which she also knows and would benefit from herself.) She’s had a previous relationship with a foreign English teacher in Taiwan. When I asked her about it, she told me he wouldn’t stop smoking for her, and he was depressed with his job so he moved back to the States…

The understanding between us now is that if everything goes well when I visit Taiwan and she visits the States later this year, she would like to move here. (marriage)

I know there are men on this forum who have much more knowledge and experience with relationships than I, and particularly with Taiwanese women. Are there any indicators that I should be looking out for that are red flags? From what I’ve written so far, does anything jump out? Any advice?

I’d appreciate it and just want to be as careful as I can and not be the victim of a green card trap as blunt as that sounds. Maybe I need to be woken from my fairy tale.

A few things Id like to say.

  1. Most Taiwanese girls would rather stay on Taiwan and would prefer a foreigner who marries them to go and live in Taiwan. They are not like Russian girls and Phillippine girls.

  2. Russian women are the ones who tend to divorce you once they have their passport. Phillippino girls usually wont.

  3. There is nothing wrong with a girl wanting to live in the USA and wanting to marry an American to do so. As long as her affection for you is genuine and she is not planning to divorce you.

  4. I wouldnt hv a problem with girls in point 3. Marriage is a union. You have what she wants and she has what you want. Needing each other keeps you together.

As long as shes not planning to divorce you once shes married and you and her have a great and working and workable partnership/union, Id go for it.

OP, you must be smitten if you are talking about marriage with a girl that you haven’t even physically met !

Anyway here’s some basic advice:

  1. Read up well on the Forums here- Dating and Relationships. Marriage, Divorce (sorry to say).

  2. After reading the above, you may well feel the need to ask her some straight questions about what she wants out of life and her attitude towards relationships, communication with her SO, and financial arrangements within a relationship/ marriage, etc… Don’t be shy, I am sure that she hasn’t been shy with asking you lots of questions. If she refuses to answer you or acts aggressively, then you should take that as a warning sign.

  3. If you are getting the answers from her that you like, then book a holiday to Taiwan and get to know her in person.

  4. If things go well, ask her to come and visit and stay with you in the USA for an extended stay (like three months). If she asks you to pay her airfare then that is also not a good sign.

  5. After living with her for three months in the USA, you should have a better idea of what kind of person she is. Then and only then should you even consider thinking about talking about the possibility of considering thinking about potentially planning to get married.

I would rather you were overcautious than learn the hard way like some of us did …

She’s 30? She’ll have the same maturity level as you.

She’s Taiwanese? Fat chance she’s thinking of leaving her family for an extended period.

She’s asking about insurance? She’s a Taiwanese woman. Beside Korean dramas, it’s the only thing they think about.

You’re 25? Give it a chance. Believe me, you don’t want to be 35 wishing you’d hauled in rather than cut loose.

You’re from the States? Get over yourself and tell your friends who’re making you second guess to do so as well. You’re country is a gilded shithole and the rest of the world isn’t full of Mexican border jumpers.

OP, you don’t marry the woman, you marry her family. You have lots of research to do, 我的朋友.

Some girls might like to date foreigners more than locals, and some , but very far from all, might like to live in the US.
There’s no hurry , just hang out with her in Taiwan or in the US and see where it goes.

She’s 30, old for marrying in Taiwan. You think she’s beautiful, which probably means she is ugly by Taiwanese standards. Few people marry just to get a green card in Taiwan nowadays, since the place may still look thirdworld, but isn’t really. Go and meet - she might be quite a catch.

So the understanding so far is marriage after you pay her a short visit (meet for the first time) and she visits you too? All this agreed to having never even met? Not to say it won’t work out well, but the fact you’re even considering using the “M” word having never even met before is a big red flag you’re both delusional. Go ahead and take the plunge, it will be fun and exciting. After about a year or 2 of marriage you’ll both get used to and actually get to know each other then you’ll get a giant capital “R” stamped on your forehead called reality. Not to say it won’t work out well

It does NOT mean shes automatically ugly please :slight_smile:

The rest i agree with.

[quote]Here’s a bit of background information.
At 25, I’m 5 years younger than her. She has a bachelors degree, and she has a decent job in Taipei supporting herself. Unfortunately, she’s not very happy with her job. [/quote]

[color=#0000FF]Most Taiwanese are very unhappy with their jobs. About 80% wnat to switch, with over 70% wanting to become small business owners due to the fact that they can’t stand their bosses. Look at the latest statistics. This is not a red flag nor a deal breaker. Working conditions here are tough, 12 hours or more, 6 or 7 days a week, stagnation in salaries.[/color]

[quote]We met in December of 2012 on a dating site and since then have been exchanging texts every day and video chatting through Skype a few times a week.

She’s always very sweet and caring, and we share a lot in common with each other. Yes, she’s very beautiful. She’s ready to settle down and get married and is looking for love and a caring man. (She’s not interested in Taiwanese men…)[/quote]

[color=#0000FF]Again, not a red flag. Taiwanese guys tend not to be very interesting/mature -due to extreme working hours, too much time spent studying and less in social activities- and hence a woman with a bit of a broader vision and more character will have a hard time finding a suitable mate. Very normal. [/color]

[quote]BUT… there’s a few things that I’m not so sure about. She makes roughly the same as I do now, and I’m still working AND completing school for the next three years so she knows that I’m not wealthy by any means. Things will be tight financially and she acts like it’s not a problem at all. That worries me a little.
She has asked me if I ‘have good insurance’. (I do- and being that I work for the government- government benefits which she also knows and would benefit from herself.) She’s had a previous relationship with a foreign English teacher in Taiwan. When I asked her about it, she told me he wouldn’t stop smoking for her, and he was depressed with his job so he moved back to the States…[/quote]

[color=#0000FF]Now this is not a red flag, but a potential problem in your relationship. IMHO, on average, unless he’s a shopaholic /has a lot of debt/her family is deep in debt, she has a lot more disposable income than you do, and she is used to a certain standard of living which you may or may not be able to share - see here I won’t even say provide. She is also probably living at home with her parents - to save money - or cheap accommodations, which may mislead you as to her actual economic performance. It is slightly different here.

For instance, the insurance thing. Here in Taiwan there is a very comprehensive coverage for really not so much money. But Taiwanese also invest heavily in extra insurance and retirement, having a system less than European and more like in the US. If she had a boyfriend from the States, she understands that this is a serious concern. She probably is well-covered here and knows it is difficult to have the same coverage - think childbearing costs[/color]

I think she lives in Taipei? Taipei is nothing like 3rd world. It’s the 1st. 30 isn’t not too late to get married nowadays, though women usually would have plans by that time, like a boyfriend. I assume her income is good? I think she maybe just being tired of Taipei and life here. The corporate culture, little freedom, high living cost with little enjoyment in life, etc. One thing about Taiwanese though, honesty isn’t valued like it is in American culture. People are not Christian here. They usually don’t mind to “bring things together” with lies. They may think a white lie is good over the truth if that truth may upset one or two people. So, don’t take what she says at the face value.
I’d say spend some time with her like the other poster suggested, actually, spend as much time with her as you can afford to. She’ll pressure you to get married, like taking the photos, planning a wedding etc but no need to freak out, it is the normal thing to do and to say for her. Try to reason with her when she brings up the matter, and if she goes crazy and threaten to kill herself, that’d be a problem. That behavior isn’t as crazy here as it is seen in the US however, if you can’t deal with it, you should distant yourself from her. The behavior is a pattern, it’ll come up again later if you stay with her. Though, she may not feel like doing it since you are 5 years younger… It’ll depends on the indivudual and the circumstances.
She’s 30, so even if she moved to the US now, she’s probably too old to change. I think if she’s like 20, and enroll herself at a school full time, she maybe re-conditioned to become more like American, then you wouldn’t have to deal with her “crazy tactics”.
Best wishes,
Mei

+1 to all of the previous posters (although I’m not so sure about mei’s views on “Christian honesty” - glossing over the truth is a human constant). Some good advice there, from various different viewpoints. Taiwan, in many respects, is a better place to live and few people nowadays think of the USA as the Promised Land, so don’t worry about the Green Card thing.

Only thing I’d add is to make sure she doesn’t have any major psychological issues (of course we all have some - I’m talking about ones that cause serious fallout). A lot of Taiwanese people (men and women) spend their entire lives with their nose in a book, at a desk, and most of their life decisions are dictated by their parents. Many of them end up with a limited sense of self and poor decision-making capabilities, and in some that manifests as serious personality problems.

Live together for a while and see how the boring day-to-day stuff pans out, because that’s what marriage is about. Red flags will be things like:

  • She worships the ground you walk on one day, and then the next day berates you for being the most awful person in the world.
  • She flips out over trivial things, such as having her plans thwarted by the weather, or you leaving the bath towel on the wrong rail.
  • She is unable to make simple decisions without drama, such as deciding whether to park the car in this space or that space.
  • She appears terrified of abandonment, either using the word explicitly, or being clingy - such as getting upset when you want time alone or with your friends.
  • She “self-medicates” with shopping, food, alcohol, etc.

In three months, you might see these things only once or twice because she will be on her best behaviour, but be on the lookout for them. I’m not saying this to scare you, but as someone else said back there, 25 is still young, so you need to make double-sure this is the right move.

Incidentally, the “insurance” thing is probably a reference to Taiwanese-style combined savings/pension/heath insurance/life insurance schemes. These are very popular here, and some of them offer good benefits. 25 is an excellent time to start your preparations for old age and retirement. It happens sooner than you think :slight_smile:

Also, be aware that 30 is over-the-hill, on-the-shelf for a Taiwanese woman. She’s practically pensionable. So she will be looking for marriage. Don’t be pushed into anything, but be aware of her needs and her (probably unstated) timescale.

YOu met online less then 2 months ago and the M word is already in play? :slight_smile: movin kinda fast are we ?

Listen to finely, he knows what he’s talking about. I thought I would add a little to his “red flag” list though:

-She has a difficult time saying sorry but expects you to. In other words, sensitive to any wrong doing on your part but tends to blame other people, things, an expecially you when she’s in the wrong.
-finely mentioned this one on a different thread, but does she get angry easily if she has to wait for you very long; such as showing up a little late, waiting for you to get ready, or waiting for you to finish looking at something you’re interested in while in public that she’s not interested in, for example. In other words, is she impatient?
-When you don’t give in or do what she wants it’s because you don’t love her

The bad part is, all of these signs tend to lie dormant at first, like a virus silently manifesting within her DNA without any outward signs of sickness. They can act like wonderful princesses at first. And unfortunately for you, sometimes 3 months ain’t enough to for it to reveal its ugly head. You’ll barely be getting out of the initial hot-n-heavy romantic stage of the relationship, so it would be hit and miss, and your judgment still might be clouded by your penis. And just like hit and miss, you’ll be fortunate to get Taiwanese girl without a dose of these symptoms on the first try. It’s that common. Also, if you tend to be the giver in a relationship the chances just went up that you’ll attract a PXJ

Actually one of the many possible problems with your little menage-a-deux may be that once your butt hits the beautiful isle, you may come across many more sexy taiwanese sirens and then be faced with your first major challenge to your fidelity.

IS she the ONE you may start to ask yourself. And there are MANY MANY distractions on Taiwan. Taiwanese girls are (you name it):

sssSEXY

sssSMART

sssSLY

ssssSENSUAL

ssssSLINKY

ssssSWEET

sssssSICKLYSWEET (aka Hello Kitty sweet)

They LOVE LOVE LOVE $$$ and will get your A$$ ! They dont just want your dolla, they want your SOUL brother man.

Find a good one and just hand it over ! Cuz you gonna be handing it over one way or another.

jes a lil sampler :

youtube.com/watch?v=saIrnNq6cUI

:thumbsup:
IIRC, this is called “external locus of control”. It’s pretty common in Taiwan.

[quote=“tommy525”]They dont just want your dolla, they want your SOUL brother man.
Find a good one and just hand it over ! Cuz you gonna be handing it over one way or another.[/quote]
I don’t think it has to be this way, tommy. Any woman - any person - will treat you like this if you let them, but a well-adjusted person will respect you for knowing when to say “no”. Taiwanese women are just a bit worse than usual :wink:. It’s about setting sensible limits, respecting yourself and your own needs, and knowing when to walk away (if you have to). Better to be alone and captain of your own ship than to give up your soul in exchange for (unsatisfactory) company.

[quote=“finley”][quote=“tommy525”]They dont just want your dolla, they want your SOUL brother man.
Find a good one and just hand it over ! Cuz you gonna be handing it over one way or another.[/quote]
I don’t think it has to be this way, tommy. Any woman - any person - will treat you like this if you let them, but a well-adjusted person will respect you for knowing when to say “no”. Taiwanese women are just a bit worse than usual :wink:. It’s about setting sensible limits, respecting yourself and your own needs, and knowing when to walk away (if you have to). Better to be alone and captain of your own ship than to give up your soul in exchange for (unsatisfactory) company.[/quote]

Yeha i was jivin. Actually not so much the money. They do want your full attention and your full commitment. They want to OWN you.

Yes, indeed. Many. Here are the red flags I’ve identified within your thread. Remember, this is only my opinion and individual results will vary.

No such thing as an online relationship. You can only have a relationship with her if you are able to observe her behavior and attitudes on a daily basis in person. What you experience online won’t be anything like what you experience in person over a reasonable amount of time.

That would make her 30+. That’s old to still be single. She will be under pressure from her family and peers to get a guy locked down and committed to marriage as soon as possible.

I’ve never known any successful outcomes from “relationships” which started online. I do not believe in dating sites. It’s best to meet a significant other through other personal contacts, work, activities, etc. Dating sites are places that socially awkward and/or desperate people go to in order to find a partner.

Yeah. Of course she is. It’s unfortunate that she’s so old because you won’t be offered the opportunity to have a long term relationship of say……5 years before you’ll be required to commit to marriage.

So, she’s not accepting of her past boyfriend. One of the highlights of their breakup is because he wouldn’t accommodate her wishes and stop smoking for her. Prepare yourself to receive a list of items you must change in order to satisfy her requirements of a “perfect” husband.

Most of the Taiwanese women I’ve ever met would not like to move to the United States and don’t. In fact, most all that I’ve met wanted their boyfriends to move to live in Taiwan with them. Count me as one on those that reluctantly acquiesced and moved to Taiwan for my wife after being in a relationship with her for 10+ years. The fact that she hasn’t even met you in person and she’s talking about moving away from Taiwan and her family is a super big red flag.

It looks third world and in fact, it is third world.

Not even close to first world.

This is just a Taiwanese way to euphemistically explain that Taiwanese are inherently dishonest liars and that it is culturally acceptable to lie about anything at anytime for any reason.

Taiwanese: Lying with a straight face

Although America is predominately a Christian country, to suggest that Christianity is the reason for having a better track record than Taiwan as it pertains to integrity is wildly inaccurate and laughable.

It’s not normal and there most certainly IS a need to freak out when she starts planning your lives together….FOR YOU.

Lastly

For you and her to be discussing marriage after merely meeting online and never in person for any substantial amount of time is reckless at best!

:roflmao: :bravo: :notworthy: :thumbsup:

what is life without adventure eh? :slight_smile:

no pain , no GAIN