Interesting article about Foreign Women and Chinese Men

A friend send me a link to this blog. It is good to know there are more of us on the same boat, plus the comments are a hoot. These bits are of particular interest:

[quote]There are hardly enough books depicting foreign women with Chinese boyfriends or husbands. Off the top of my head, I can think of Rachel DeWoskin’s Foreign Babes in Beijing: Behind the Scenes of a New China and Repeat After Me: A Novel, Nicole Mones’ Lost in Translation, and Pearl S. Buck’s East Wind: West Wind (Buck, Pearl S. Oriental Novels of Pearl S. Buck, 8th,).

Several years ago, when my husband enrolled in a New Oriental class in Shanghai for GRE prep, the instructor warned all of the Chinese men: “If you’re going to study abroad, prepare for four lonely years.” The underlying message was, don’t expect to fall in love — but be pleasantly surprised if it happens.

So I began to wonder — why are there so few Chinese guys and foreign girls becoming couples?

Of course, some of it has its roots in the usual stereotypes — stereotypes in the Western World.

Even today, Asian American men complain that action heroes such as Chow Yun Fat and Jackie Chan rarely get the girl. As Leong, the author and UCLA professor put it: “Asian men can kick butt, but they can’t have a kiss.”

It gets a little more personal in blogs, such as posts titled Us Bitter, Bitter Asian Men or Sucks to be an Asian male.

Still, despite the odds, sterotypes and other barriers, it does happen that Chinese men and foreign women get together. It happened for me — and a growing number of other women, including bloggers such as the Local Dialect, Lost Laowai, and Wo Ai Ni. On occasion, it even creeps into the news, like this story.

For now, though, I’m just happy to have John, my Chinese husband, in my life. Not because he’s a Chinese man, or because our relationship is “unique” or different. But because I love him.[/quote]

The conclusion is not the discovery of cold fusion, but it works just as well. :smiley:

He’s an author and UCLA professor and that’s the best line he can come up with? Not really doing much to beat the stereotype there is he.

One has to wonder whether she is standing on a very tall stool in that wedding photo… It is certainly shot at an odd angle. (I don’t mean that in a catty way, btw)

She raises some interesting points. Some of the comments at the bottom are spot on, too.

Thanks for posting this, Icon.

I won’t deal in stereotypes, because I am sure that while there may be a general trend depicted by any one of them, that does not in any way mean that they apply to individuals.

However, I will relate one conversation I had with a friend of mine (I’m a foreign girl, engaged to a foreign man, and this came from a Taiwanese guy we are friends with). We were talking about the local girl-foreign guy paradigm, and the lack of a vice-versa alternative:

“It always seemed to me that you Taiwanese guys weren’t too interested in foreign women.”

“That’s not true! Actually when I was younger, before I met Cherry” (his girlfriend) “my friends and I would talk about how we really wanted a foreign girlfriend and wish we could get one.”

“But it’s not that hard…I mean you’re a pretty good looking guy, you speak English and have a fine life outlook - there’s no reason why you couldn’t have found a foreign girlfriend.”

“But…we can’t ask them out.”

“Yes you can. It’s easy. It’s just like meeting a Taiwanese girl. You go somewhere social or wherever and meet some foreign girl you might like, and you start a conversation. Then if you get along, you ask her out, or get her phone number or something. You could even get her e-mail, whatever. Then you ask her out.”


“Why not?”

“I’m too shy for that! I can’t do that.”

“Why? Foreign girls are still girls.”

“No no no no no no!”

“OK, but really, this is how it’s done.”

(He went on to explain that most relationships in Taiwan involve meeting someone through friends and then asking them out after you’ve known them a little while…you can’t just go up to a girl and ask them out. That even if you could, he and most of his friends are far too shy to do that).

This is not meant to indicate that all Taiwanese men are like that…just that it may be a small clue into why the foreign woman-Taiwanese guy couple is so rare.

What do the white women here have to say about their experiences?

I think perhaps a large part of it comes to do with how aggressive/confident the mating culture is. I was talking about a similar thing to this topic with a German guy I met. He said that German guys are nowhere near as aggressive in putting moves on girls, or even just talking to them, as either French or American guys are, and consequently, he sees both American and French guys seemingly getting girls easily. Maybe a similar comparison can be made with Taiwanese/Chinese men. Western men are on steroids when approaching women, because Western courtship is on steroids – if a guy takes a month to let it be known that he’s interested, he’s already been written off in many cases. Chinese courtship is not on steroids. Perhaps Chinese men either can’t compete, or think they can’t, with this level of intensity.

I thought this would not hold up anymore, latest since the Edison Chen scandal.

Isn’t the “can’t get a kiss” part deliberately done in HK/Taiwan films so as to not put off the female audience?

He’s an author and UCLA professor and that’s the best line he can come up with? Not really doing much to beat the stereotype there is he.[/quote]

Sounds like a bitter ABC that can’t get laid :laughing: …Anyone living in a city with a high Asian population (e.g. Vancouver or San Francisco) can attest to the fact that there are lots of mixed couples, and this demographic frequently includes Asian men and Caucasian women. I saw at least four or five while walking in Stanley Park last week.

Back to the subject, Foreign women and Chinese men are both great.

These couples are popular in the states, though I have not seen many here.

I have an American female roommate that told me about a Taiwanese guy that approached her in 7-11 and asked for a date.

Based on what I’ve read about Taiwanese guys being shy asking out strangers, that took some serious balls. :thumbsup:

How did the date go…? She took him to the hot springs and shagged him rotten! No, not really. Just a nice coffee and chit chat.

I thought this would not hold up anymore, latest since the Edison Chen scandal.[/quote]
But, sadly, those videos and pictures only re-inforced the “other” stereotype.

My Chinese teacher is engaged to a foreign woman. She’s from New York. I’ve seen one or two others down here in the 'Nan, but they definitely aren’t many.
But if you ever met my Chinese teacher you’d quickly realise he’s not your average Taiwanese guy. He’s much more outgoing than normal, speaks English well and he’s into things that most foreigners are into. Mountain biking on weekends etc. The first time I met him was near Kenting. He had pitched a tent on a beach somewhere of the main beach areas and spent the weekend camping and swimming.

There seems to be a new phenomena with foreign women marrying locals appearing on the token foreigner talk show bit. Before it was all foreign guys trying to show off their chinese skills, and now it’s a full-on cat fight. Many of the wives make multiple appearances on other shows. If this keeps up perhaps it’ll boost the confidence of the local man crowd.

I’ve noticed that. There was the one Saffa ex-policewomen (who is now is some Chen Shuibian-esque trouble for embezzling or something like that…), and another Indian Saffa woman that caught my notice. But I was surprised by the variety of western women on these shows married to Taiwanese guys, as you’re so often only met with the SE Asian bride cliche.

I am actually interested in dating Asian men (think some of them are really attractive, most white foreign men here get on my nerves, sorry!) but I find that many of them are too shy to talk to me. If they do show interest they just giggle or play weird games.

Coming from the US, maybe they think I’m the aggressive type but actually back home I prefer guys to do the chasing and I can be pretty quiet until I get to know someone. I’ve pretty much concluded that it is very difficult for foreign women to date here, but that’s ok. I came here for reasons other than hooking up, unlike a lot of foreign men I’ve met.

Sorry if this offends anyone, just speaking from observations.

I had a chat with a Taiwanese guy once about why Taiwanese guys don’t seem to date foreign girls as much as Taiwanese girls date foreign guys, and he said something along the lines of:

“It’s not that we’re not interested. We’re interested. A lot of foreign girls are hot. It’s just that they most likely don’t speak our language, and that makes communicating and making a connection with them really hard, and then a lot of them are taller than us. I can’t date a girl who’s taller than me.”

The impression I got was that it’s OK for a girl to be a blubbering idiot when picking up guys, but guys need to use some variant of charm when trying to get a girl and they’re nervous to do it if you don’t speak their language; which kinda makes sense for guys from anywhere. And I’ve heard plenty of girls say they don’t want to date guys shorter than them, too.

I’ll tend to believe him on that, since I seem to get a decent amount of locals trying to pick me up and I’m short and chinese-speaking. I might have to do a run-around survey of my tall, non-speaking friends to get a clearer picture though :wink:

Aye well, lassie, the same can be said for many of the foreign women here, I suppose. If one were to stoop to that kind of Apple Daily-type trash talk.[/quote]

I apologize if I offended you, but again I said some, not all.

Skyfae, you just need to be more “aggressive” than the local guys. Hopefully, you will be luckier than I and they will give in to you completely, eventually.

Sandman is not a loser. That Almas John on the other hand… :whistle:

Guys, be realistic about it. People like to hang around the circle, and if you don’t move out of the circle, you’ll never to get see a different society.

I am an asian bloke, and I usually get a long better with cocasian women than asian women, never dated an asian women before. The other thing is, I live in taichung and there is no cocasian women here, so i don’t know what to do here apart from my ice hockey that i go there on the sundays and do my swimming sessions after work. So, it’s not fair to say that no taiwanese guy would date a cocasain woman. There are more local girls dating the americans here from what i’ve seen, so if the numbers increased, then there will be more trend of taiwanese guy dating a cocasian woman.


Where are all these purported COCASIAN wimmen anyways?

Kay, this is the second time. I gotta help you out.
(Perhaps you should widen your dating pool and not be so restrictive.)

[quote=“kage”]Kay, this is the second time. I gotta help you out.
(Perhaps you should widen your dating pool and not be so restrictive.)[/quote]
Yeah, I don’t really get restrictive dating. I love women. Period. Asian, Caucasian, whatever. I can’t imagine living in my own country and restricting myself to a minuscule percentage of all foreign women, who are (Foreign Women) a very small percentage of all women in my country. And then not knowing how to approach or where to meet them. I mean, what percentage of white women in Taiwan go to ice hockey practices?

Section61 may as well restrict himself to African American women, and only ones who bear a resemblance to Halle Berry whilst exclusively hanging out at online gaming conventions.

Makes no sense. What’s the point of hanging out at ice hockey on a Sunday and the pool after work bleating, “Where all the white women at?” And I’m sure there are ample Caucasian women in Taichung, but I’m willing to guess very few, if any, hang out at ice hockey on a Sunday except the one or two loyalists there to watch their bfs play.

ice hockey = :canada: = loads of Caucasian women?
Wouldn’t be my strategy, but…good luck with that.