Iran captures sean penn; u.s. unwilling to negotiate

Well…it had to happen…

Tehran — Actor and activist Sean Penn was captured by Iranian Revolutionary Guard forces in the Persian Gulf Friday while on a mission to rescue 15 British sailors and Marines. The White House is refusing to initiate any diplomatic or military efforts for his return.

“Although Mr. Penn is an American citizen, we will take no action to have him returned,” said White House spokesperson Alex Conant. “As far as we’re concerned, Mr. Penn is Iran’s problem now.”

Penn began his mission in the Persian Gulf last week on the same day Iran decided to release the captured British sailors and marines. He was riding in the same small boat he used to rescue people in New Orleans in 2005

“Sean was able to rescue thousands and thousands of people in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina,” said his publicist Eric Bright. “He decided to get on his boat to go to Iran and save those British crew members. He’s just that kind of heroic man. Unfortunately, he was unaware that Iran had decided to let the sailors go just as he began his voyage in the Persian Gulf and crossed over into Iranian waters. We had no way of reaching him.”

“From what we understand, Mr. Penn has been blindfolded and is being isolated in cold stone cells,” said Conant, the White House spokesperson. “We would suggest that he should be bound and gagged, especially the gagged part, and we’re trying to get that message through a third party nation since we don’t make any direct contact with Iran.”

Penn has been a fierce critic of President Bush and the White House. Several weeks ago, he spoke at a town hall, antiwar meeting in Oakland, California, saying that President George W. Bush had “become our country’s and our Constitution’s most devastating enemy.”

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad went on Iranian state television to talk about the capture of Penn, two weeks after the British sailors and marines were captured in the Persian Gulf.

“It is only come to our attention now that we are holding the great Jeff Spicoli,” said President Ahmadinejad. “I loved the scene where he ordered pizza in Mr. Hand’s classroom. This man is an icon.”

The realization that they’re holding Penn, a major critic of the Bush administration, may bode well for the actor.

“Our biggest fear at this point is that Iran may soon release Sean Penn,” said Conant. “We are currently attempting to pass a resolution through the U.N. Security Council threatening sanctions if they don’t hold him in custody and torture him.”

Asked about the situation, President Bush made a brief comment to reporters while heading to Marine One on the White House lawn.

“I can’t really talk about it right now,” said President Bush. “Although I can tell you that I really, really, really enjoyed the movie ‘Dead Man Walking’ where Sean is executed. I recently sent a copy to President Ahmadinejad as a gesture of international good will.”
Dateline Hollywood[/quote]

I thought sending the movie was a nice touch. Shows compassion.

This photo/press release just in…

Still no negotiations.

Ok, what’s up with all the lampoon news items from the Right these days. When Colbert, Stewart or the Onion do it, it’s hilarious. When you guys do it, I just keep thinking, which conservative think-tank got diverted from its normal spin-engineering to come up with this? They should stick to what they’re good at, which is generating source-material for Colbert, Stewart, and the Onion.

Really. Other than PJ (and what has he done for us lately?) these days conservative humour is pretty much an oxymoron. I used to appreciate the pricking of liberal/left gasbags, but, c’mon, Sean Penn? What’s next, Barbara Streisand jokes?

Now, funny is the entire British contingent in Iraq rushing to the the Iranian border to be taken hostage by Iran so they can cash in on it.

Its funny when - oops!,edit - “liberals” get pissy…:smiley: … etable_for

Bush Refuses To Set Timetable For Withdrawal Of Head From White House Banister

[quote]The few supporters Bush has left are privately concerned that he will go down in history as the president who wedged his head through a banister and refused to take it out despite widespread negative public sentiment and political pressure for him to do so.

For his part, Bush has scoffed at such suggestions and accused his critics of exploiting the issue without providing any viable alternatives.

“I hear a lot of criticism from the other side of the aisle, but what is the Democrat plan for victory here?” Bush said. “Some suggest rapid withdrawal, but that will most likely hurt my ears by bending them the wrong way. Others have suggested turning my head from side to side and slowly working my way out, which we all know is a recipe for failure.”[/quote] … pared_down

Bill Of Rights Pared Down To A Manageable Six

[quote]The Fourth Amendment, which long protected citizens’ homes against unreasonable search and seizure, was among the eliminated amendments. Also stricken was the Ninth Amendment, which stated that the enumeration of certain Constitutional rights does not result in the abrogation of rights not mentioned.

“Quite honestly, I could never get my head around what the Ninth Amendment meant anyway,” said outgoing House Majority Leader Dick Armey (R-TX), one of the leading advocates of the revised Bill of Rights. “So goodbye to that one.”

Amendments V through VII, which guaranteed the right to legal counsel in criminal cases, and guarded against double jeopardy, testifying against oneself, biased juries, and drawn-out trials, have been condensed into Super-Amendment V: The One About Trials. [/quote]