To answer your question, it is apple-solutely normal. Anyone who comes to Taiwan and meets a lady and DOESN’T fall in love is abnormal. They must be gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that) or something.
You should move to Taiwan as soon as possible or else the time and distance just will pull you two apart more and more. Take up any job, and learn the Taiwanese way of life. You can get everything you want at 7-11, no need to ponder what to pack.
Food here is abundant and just as artery-clogging as western fare. There’s TV, beer, good transportation. Your life is set.
Cultural schmultural differences. Ack! Baloney! We’re all people under the same sky. Love is the shared culture. That’s all you need. Don’t worry so much. You love her, she loves you. You don’t need more than that.
Brush up on the usual Prada and Gucci shit, know who Jolin and Ming Dao are, know where all the foreigners hang out (you’ll need it), and remember, every Engrish mistake your lover makes is cute.
You are the normal one, everyone else is abnormal. Come now. Come. Come. Taiwan’s calling you. Your woman needs you NOW.
Pedantic Mode On . . . (actually, that’s pretty much the default state with me anyway, rambling, pedantic, and rambling incomprehensibly most of the time) . . .
There were a couple studies on relationships that examined “like” versus “love” and how folks choose mates. They found that women could distringuish more clearly than men the difference between liking someone and loving them. For women, they said it was perfectly possible for them to be “in love” with someone they did not “like” - that is, someone they did not respect or did not see a future with - but men were not able to make that distinction. Most men could not fathom loving someone they didn’t like . . . so, if they loved someone, they assumed they also liked the person. While stereotypically, we think of men as being rational and logical and women being all girly and soft and driven by emotions, studies have found the opposite to be the case when it comes to selecting a mate.
Men select a mate based upon emotions . . . logic goes byebye. They assume that because I love this person I must be with her and marry her but women can love someone and realize that person would not make a good mate and more easily move on and marry someone else. This makes sense in that men’s emotions and attraction are based upon different attributes than women’s. Women are much more practical when deciding upon a partner or mate (the ol’ evolutionary psychology folks would jump right in on that one, as they would say women have to be more selective than men, given the consequences of a poor choice).
One of my reasons for coming to Taiwan . . . seventeen-odd-years-ago was because of a girl I had fallen head over heels obsessed with. I thought at the time I was in love with her . . . despite all the warning signs (among them, but not the only one, she was and probably still is the absolutely worst cook on the planet, hands down awful) . . . eventually, I came to my senses . . . and eventually I met my wife (who is without question the world’s greatest cook . . . when I was a kid, I thought my Mom could cook, then I met my wife and realized my Mom’s cooking was on the wrong side of extreme mediocrity).
My original plan of being here for a year morphed into something else . . . you never know what life will bring . . . sometimes it slams a door in your face while opening another, be open to whatever comes around and see what happens but don’t get stuck in one rut, try a few other grooves on the way . . . if you are at a point where an overseas sting is appropriate, then give it a go . . . but don’t hang all your bannannannnanna on one monkey.
I suppose in my metaphor (or analogy? I often get the two confused) the shit is the linking thing throughout the different piles. Piles have different shapes (colors, smells, etc. ), but they’re made of shit. Sort of like different areas of expertise or whatnot (soccer, swimming, painting, quantum mechanics) look different, but they’re all tied together with knowledge/experience/something. Like with all things you start knowing nothing, then you know something, then your a [insert activity] black belt 10th degree ninjitsu grandmaster.
Anytime I face a new situation/whatever that I know nothing about, I think “same shit, different pile.” (so like it’s new and old at the same time or something)
That explanation may have made 0 sense, but I tried.[/quote]Is that shit really necessary ? Isn’t there a nicer metaphor you could have used that didn’t involve shit ?
914 & meiguolangren thanks for your input.
It’s interesting reading that men supposedly choose women based on their feelings, but I guess it kind of makes sense.
Yes, I’ve fallen head over heels for her, but as I’m not that close to her at the moment, things are progressing in a rather sensible way. We’re talking about stuff and what we want in life and really building a friendship this way. It’s actually quite cool as I learn new things about her pretty much every day.
I already know she can’t cook, but that is not a concern as I can at least get by that way, not that I’m a gourmet cook or anything, but I really don’t mind doing that kind of stuff.
She’s also being careful since she’s been badly burnt in the past, by some ex Canadian boyfriends of hers.
I mean, I’m not the most romantic guy in the world, but none of her ex boyfriends have ever bought her flowers, which just sound plain mean to me.
The cool thing is that we have a lot of common interests and common tastes etc. which I think will make getting along quite a lot easier.
I guess there’s times in life when you have to take a chance and this is one of those times.
I have no idea what the future holds, but hey, it might just be the best thing I’ve ever done in my life, who knows.
Oh, and I know where the foreginers hang out, right here
swede,
you need to get the upper hand in this relationship. if you love her, conquer her. by that i don’t mean bitch slapping. i mean make her love you more than you love her. make her do the chasing . be a challenge. women lose their minds for that. learn this and all the females under heaven will fall at your feet.
[quote]theposter:
you need to get the upper hand in this relationship. if you love her, conquer her. by that i don’t mean bitch slapping. i mean make her love you more than you love her. make her do the chasing .[/quote]
exactly how can the OP make her do the chasing? by playing cold and then watch her walk out on him?
Well, I’m looking for jobs out there as well and I’ve found some quite interesting jobs that I would considering doing. Yes, it might not be the most sensible way of doing things and I’ve done it once before - that’s how I ended up in the UK 8 years ago - but hey, I don’t have anything better to do in my life right now.
And no, it wouldn’t happen in Las Vegas, I can’t stand American women, sorry…
I can’t say a I know her, but we talk on MSN every day and we’re taking it slowly.
Sure, it might not work out, but that doesn’t mean I will regret moving to Taiwan as she’s not the only reason I would go there.
I have actually grown quite fond of the place in a funny way, but maybe I’m clinically insane
I’m just at one of those points in life when it’s time for a change and Taiwan seems as good of a place for that as anywhere else right now.
Besides, I’ve always had an interest in Asia, or is that supposed to read Asian girls
Hehe…
Well, we’ll see how things goes, but I’m going to try for this one to start with and if it doesn’t work out, well hey, at least I know there’s a selection
Btw, if anyone spots any IT related marketing or journalist jobs, give me a heads up, as that’s the kind of thing I’m trying for. I’m not one for saying where I work normally, but for anyone interested in reading the crap I write check out www.reghardware.co.uk
you know hearing about this girl pisses me off a little. i hate her nonchalant, cavalier attitude. make her suffer and beg to be with you. don’t let these girls get away with this because once you bring her to the west, she’ll think her value has tripled with all the westerners oggling for her favor. she should be more than happy to do anything for you. put her in her place and she’ll love you more. look at other women when she’s around. scare her. let HER do the chasing. works for me.
The whole thing sounds… dumb to me, but if it feels right go for it I say. Beautiful things will happen, or you’ll learn a lesson (which I think is a beautiful thing.) Just be sure that you do learn a lesson (any lesson) if things don’t work out.[/quote]
Nice advice MTK. Yeah, if you are the kind of person who takes risks - then do it. It is a risk, however, and you need to know how much risk you are capable of assuming - you, know, what level of risk can you handle? How much will you lose if things don’t work out? Can you deal with that? If the answer is yes, then go for it. If you go for it, and it doesn’t go as planned - try to get some kind of learning out of it, so the next time you make better choices or the choices that you make (if the same) are more informed.
[quote=“JOHN MOSS”]well, it may sound “dumb” to some,
but hey, we only get one chance at life.
if something/someone grabs your fancy, why not go for.
yes, it could be beautiful.
life is too short.
who cares if he gets a lesson out of it.
it seems like it will only be a lesson if it fails.
a lesson in what though?
not to try?
not to hope?
not to seek something real?
if it works, then it’s a lesson in what?
something you already knew?
that’s not a lesson.
that’s living life.[/quote]
If I may . . . speak for MTK . . . maybe a better choice of words would be wisdom rather than lesson. Whatever you do, make sure you gain some wisdom. You’re right, JM, living is about making choices - some end up working out well if though the result might be something we didn’t imagine, and others don’t end up well. Hopefully, when we make choices that turn out negatively, it’s not so extreme or so bad that we are horribly injured or god forbid killed, right?
I’m thinking of a personal example. I lived with my lover, briefly. During that time, I toyed with the idea of purchasing a new car. I needed a commuting vehicle since I drive 104 miles to and fro each day (and gas prices SUCK!). Both of our vehicles were 5 years old or more, and major repairs were starting to be needed on both. I had a 4x4 that I really liked, and didn’t want to give up. She had a Saturn coupe (worth less than mine). I thought about maybe trading her car in rather than mine. Because I have exceptional credit and she has bad credit, I’d have had to be the person assuming the loan. We broke up (a good thing). But, sometimes I ponder how bad it would have sucked if I’d have used her car to trade in, and assumed the loan. Being all financially entangled - yuck! I was glad to break up and have it be done and over with, ya know? But if the car situation existed . . . how much longer would I have to deal with her? I guess all you folks who have gone through a divorce know how bad this can be. I learned a lession here or gained some insight/wisdom: I am willing to take risks for the sake of love, like letting a lover move in with me, but I am not willing to get deeply financially entangled (like buying a car, or putting their name on the title to my home) until the relationship has been established for much much longer time. I also learned that it sucks getting involved with insane people!!
TLS
i’d like to give you another view,
my advice,as some said already,is,go for it,life’s too short
i have a similar experience to yours
after 10 years in UK,i met my wife (philippines)
and after 5 days of intense chatting thru yahoo,i knew i couldn’t let it pass me by.
so,i quit my job and went there,because the only way to know if your feelings are right,is by being together physically
we often laugh while Reminiscing the beginning of our relationship,i did daft things,things that put my carreer,even life on the line just because i was crazy for her,but if it was all to be done again,i would
Well, I’ve been married with a woman that wasn’t honest with me and I have had my share of bad experiences in life. I have explained all this to the lady in question and she’s ok with what’s happened in my life. You live and you learn I guess…
Now I’m fully aware that things might not work out as I’ve said before, but I have to at least take the chance and besides, Taiwan really looks like a neat place to live.
theposter, she has no intention to move to the “west” and frankly, I’ve had about enough of this part of the world at the moment.
She has no attitude and she’s been nothing but honest and open towards me and that means a lot to me.
I’m not just going to rush out to Taiwan and screw things up, as that would just be plain stupid, I’ve managed to calm myself down that much
But as soon as I’ve found a decent job, I’m heading out.
Girl or no girl, I want to give it a go!
Well, we hooked up a few times, but it didn’t really head the way I hoped for, but we’re still friends.
I meet another couple of girls that wasn’t really keepers but then I meet my current GF and we’ve been together for over 2 years now and it’s mostly all good
My GF is very un-Taiwanese for lack of a better way of describing her and imho that’s a very good thing.
But at least the girl I meet back then got me out of a relation ship I should’ve gotten myself out of a very long time ago. She was sort of the wakeup call I needed to realize what an idiot I was for staying in a relation ship that was built in lies upon lies.
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), but they’re made of shit. Sort of like different areas of expertise or whatnot (soccer, swimming, painting, quantum mechanics) look different, but they’re all tied together with knowledge/experience/something. Like with all things you start knowing nothing, then you know something, then your a [insert activity] black belt 10th degree ninjitsu grandmaster.
check out 