Is there a certain age to be successful?

Talking with an old acquaintance today who is down and approaching her 33rd birthday is comtemplainting suicide. I listened, as I thought it would be against her benefit to lecture her about suicide.

She shared with me that her life is not satisfiying. I know that she has done many things well, and is a firm believer in God. She just feels that life isn’t measuring up that what she wants it to be. On top of that, she is very very lonely. I know she is good person, does right if she can but frustrated by the lack of love, family connections and friends in her life. IMO I think she’s done the best that she can, from what she knows as I consider her to be rather wise. But I was lost as to what to say and do.

The converstion left me feeling helpless in the sense that what can you say to someone who you can empathize with about these situations? She is contemplating killing herself on her birthday as she will have no one to spend it with(remember no friends).

Is it wrong/right to say enough is enough and check out because you’ve done all you thought you could? I realize that suicide is selfish, but is it that selfish to keep on living when it’s painful?

Thoughts please because I would love to give her some other point of view. I guess I’m a sucker for hope.

Thanks

Viktor E Frankl, a doctor stuck in a Nazi work camp would often ask his patients who described unbearably painful lives, “How can you NOT have killed yourself by now?” or something like that. This begged the patient to think of the few things in life worth living for.

The fact that your friend wishes to wait until her birthday to kill herself proves that she still has hope that something will come up that might change her mind. Or that’s how it looks to me.

There is far too much comparing done in this world. Too many ugly people, who are wonderful, who have no one, or fat, or ditzy, or poor, or whatever. Your friend has to understand that she is not in competition with anyone. There is no time limit to “being successful.” And sadly, there are few rewards for living a pious goodhearted life.

BTW, she should seek professional help to talk about her suicidal thoughts. They’re not helpful in any way. These thoughts by themself are not a huge deal, but these emotions mixed,say, with 17 pina coladas and a rash violent outburst can end the game. And really, that hurts us all.

jdshrink

[quote=“jdsmith”]

There is far too much comparing done in this world. Too many ugly people, who are wonderful, who have no one, or fat, or ditzy, or poor, or whatever. Your friend has to understand that she is not in competition with anyone. There is no time limit to “being successful.” And sadly, there are few rewards for living a pious goodhearted life.[/quote]

I agree that the is too much comparing in the world. I just listened to what she had to say, as that often I wanted to say, “well be grateful that you aren’t with children who are xyz and all that yadda yadda.”

There isn’t a limit to being successful but it’s hard listening to a person’s story that you can empathize with on some level. How can I tell her, to wait or hold out for that someone special and so forth when I dont’ even know if it will really happen. She’s done all the therapy as she’s rather wise and responsible, but I think she’s just at the end of her rope. Frustrated with it all and just doesn’t see another way. Arrrrgh. As I know how that feels.

If she feels that she is at her last straw, then she should go off and do what she wants to do, her dream…whatever. Following one’s bliss is never as hard as it seems.

Join the Peace Corps. Learn to SCUBA dive. Vote Republican. Go to Taiwan and teach English. Whatever. Her life sucks? Well, BFD. No one can change it but her. She wants to take control over her life by killing herself…but has she tried the other options yet?

Empathising is nice (albeit, IMHO not helpful) however, if she has the willpower to kill herself, surely she can max out her credit cards first and take a trip around the world.

Anyway, I’m out for the evening. Good luck.
:rainbow:

There are certain ways to speak to people in certain situations. Doesn’t necessarily take a professional. Just a certain type of person.

Ask her to watch this…

rtsp://streams.omroep.nl/tv/rvu/vergezi … 0040607.rm

I agree with the sentiment expressed here. Tell her to book a trip to India for a few weeks. Or Costa Rica. Or Kenya. Or any place in the world where people keep going, some with smiles on their faces, even when there is no reason for living that is apparent to an outsider. It might put things into perspective, help her figure out why people in such circumstances keep going.

I’d also tell her that the surest road to misery is a focus on the self. She seems to be locked into a miserable cycle of thinking about what she wants, needs, and doesn’t have. Keep up that sort of thinking, and it ain’t going to get any better. Tell her to take a stack of fivers out of the ATM, head around town looking for hungry people, and buy each one she sees a sandwich and a Coke. Things will start looking up real fast.

You might preface your comments with: “You can always choose to kill yourself. I’d be sad to see you go, but you certainly have the freedom to do so. Before you do that, though, why don’t you try a couple of things…?” Then encourage her to get out of her rut.

As for the title question, certainly success should be defined by the individual, not by society. That’s very difficult to achieve, since we’re conditioned from birth to adhere to a societal definition of success, and very few people are able to break free of that. I’d advise her to stop with all of the self-judgment. Certainly, whatever God she believes in isn’t that harsh.

Yeah, do that. Whatver. She needs the right person to talk to.

Sorry to be so harsh. The others are trying to help. It’s just so hard.

You just need the right person to talk to J99. :slight_smile: :wink:

Tell her to wait until she’s 33 and a 1/3, if after that is she’s still not pulled off a miracle she’ll never be any match for Jesus.

More seriously, tell her to speak to a cognitive therapist. If you want to stop the suicide nonesense, then tell her you’ll have her committed for threatening her own life.

HG

[quote=“Namahottie”]Talking with an old acquaintance today who is down and approaching her 33rd birthday is comtemplainting suicide. I listened, as I thought it would be against her benefit to lecture her about suicide.
[/quote]

I was 35 before it all came together into a success package. My Uncle was 35. My brother was 35. My sister finally achieved her ambition and became a reporter at 35.

Tell her to wait a bit.

Success needs to be quantifed as well. What is it?

In my mind it is what makes you feel good about yourself today and you can pretty much count on it making you feel good again tomorrow.

[quote=“Ironman”]
Success … In my mind it is what makes you feel good about yourself today and you can pretty much count on it making you feel good again tomorrow.[/quote]

Holy cattle, Ironman, that’s good! :slight_smile:

A lot of people don’t hit thier stride until later in life. Maybe no the best example but Dwight Eisenhauer was a semi-washed-up mid-rank, mid-rated army lifer until WWII started.

Life doesn’t work that way except for maybe maths savants.

It seems to me, that just staying in the race counts for a lot of success.

Something to think about!

  If Earth's population was shrunk into a village of just 100 people - with all the human ratios existing in the world still remaining - what would this tiny, diverse village look like?  That's exactly what Phillip M. Harter, a medical doctor at Stanford University School of Medicine, attempted to figure out.  This is what he found:

  57 would be Asian
  21 would be European
  14 would be from the Western Hemisphere
  8 would be African

  52 would be female
  48 would be male

  70 would be non-Christian
  30 would be Christian

  30 would be white
  70 would be nonwhite

  89 would be heterosexual
  11 would be homosexual

  6 people would possess 59 percent of the entire worlds wealth, and 5 would be from the United States.

  80 would live in substandard housing

  70 would be unable to read

  50 would suffer from malnutrition

  1 would be near death.

  3 would be pregnant

  1 would have a college education

  1 would own a computer

  The following is an anonymous interpretation:

  Think of it this way.  If you live in a good home, have plenty to eat and can read, you are a member of a very select group.  And if you have a good house, food, can read and have a computer, you are among the very elite.

  If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation.... you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

  If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death,... you are fortunate, more than three billion people in the world can't.

  If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep... you are richer than 75% of this world.

  If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace... you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

  If your parents are still alive and still married.... you are very rare, even in the United States.

  If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful.... you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

  If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder you are blessed because you can offer a healing touch.

  If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world.. that cannot read at all.

  Have a good day, count your blessings.

I too at times am not satisfied where I am at this stage of my life. I have spend my money on having a good time mostly and basically live from day to day.But I know I can change that even at the age of 39, I feel it’s never to late.

I met this guy in a pub a few weeks ago.A 65 year old Canadian teacher in Taiwan stuggling to find work in Taiwan.He had little to no money to his name but seemed quite content with his life. It made me feel that I have 26 years on this guy,26 years is a lot of time to save money and do the things I’ve always wanted to do.

Your friend in her eary 30’s has her whole life in front of her.She just needs the motivation to do it. >

[quote=“gomerpyle”]
I met this guy in a pub a few weeks ago.A 65 year old Canadian teacher in Taiwan stuggling to find work in Taiwan.He had little to no money to his name but seemed quite content with his life. [/quote]

Was an 18-year old girl sitting on his lap? :smiling_imp:

I haven’t reached my peak. I hope I never reach it, cos it really would be downhill from there.

Life is a struggle, but Tom has been given a wonderful opportunity to struggle. 103 years of pain, preceeded, and suceeded by an eternity of floating through the ether. Possibly.

Your friend needs external professional help. Also a trip to the gym. I can’t stress enough how much going to the gym has helped me shrug off feelings of depression. (Even though it is sooo boring.)

I am 32 and I feel very young. In comparison I also have a friend who is 32, and is pretty down in the dumps and feels like he has seen all that life has to offer. My advice to him is to stop looking at things as though they are black and white, and start to see they world as being full of ‘grey’ areas.

Don’t advise her to read 'Prozac Nation, ’ by Elizabeth Wurtzel. I hold that book responsible for my moods when I was 19. :smiley:

TomoftenmoodybutwouldnevertophimselfHill.

Was an 18-year old girl sitting on his lap? :smiling_imp:[/quote]

No way,ya think I was going to give her up to him?

I’ve read all of your posts. Quite good. She’s not depressive just frustrated I would say is more like it. You’re right if you focus on yourself then it does seem to get you further and further into the blues, especially if you are focusing on what’s not there and not right.

But she’s been my inspiration for a lot of things. She’s got more balls than me and a very big heart. She gives money all the time, does volunteer work when she can. Overall just a great person in my book. She’s travelled, we met when I lived in Japan. I think she’s just a powerful person, who feels bounded and needs more freedom to express, but just hasn’t figured out how to do it.

I just can’t figure out why she doesn’t have any friends. She is funny as hell, honest and so forth. I don’t see anything in her personality that would be a real source of conflict. She’s a bit guarded like me, which is probably where I can get where she’s coming from on some levels. The love life I can relate to because we all have that trouble finding someone to sync with. Arrggh, I’ll just think some more on it. And pray. There’s got to be answer around the corner. Or at least “ah ha” moment there.

[quote=“Huang Guang Chen”]Tell her to wait until she’s 33 and a 1/3, if after that is she’s still not pulled off a miracle she’ll never be any match for Jesus.

More seriously, tell her to speak to a cognitive therapist. If you want to stop the suicide nonesense, then tell her you’ll have her committed for threatening her own life.

HG[/quote]

:roflmao: :roflmao: I think having her committed for threatening her own life is such a waste of time. Giving her the space to say what she needs to say is better. IMO. Like I’ve said she’s done the therapy route. It’s done some good but there’s only so much a therpist can do for you.