If the concept of the “one” is true, then the odds of you bumping into him/her are probably just slightly better that one in the population of the entire planet.
Of course there is no “one.” There are many.
And, incidentally, there are also “ones” that are “ones” in the beginning, but eventually cease to be so. So in that sense, you can never be sure that you had found one of the “ones” until you are on your deathbed.
(Sort of like having SARS; you only know you have it after you die, before then you only “probably” have it.)
PS. Iris and I are having a wild and crazy love affair and I no longer care who knows about it!
Ain’t that the truth! Just try to open a joint bank account, or purchace a home with both names on the deed… and watch the expressions you get from the bank officials or the real estate agents.
After 14 years of marriage, my mother-in-law still advises my wife that she should have her “own” money and property and job, “just to be secure”.
After 14 years of marriage, my mother-in-law still advises my wife that she should have her “own” money and property and job, “just to be secure”.[/quote]
She should. All women need to have some independence. Nothing wrong with that.
After 14 years of marriage, my mother-in-law still advises my wife that she should have her “own” money and property and job, “just to be secure”.[/quote]
She should. All women need to have some independence. Nothing wrong with that.[/quote]
Only women? Tut… tut…
[quote=“fredericka bimmel”]I met the last one in a pub, and the one before that, and the one before that. And the one I was married too once…
Maybe I need to go to church or somewhere to find the “real” one. [/quote]
I believe in ‘the one.’ Here, pretty much, is my story:
Until about nine years ago, I was a single woman’s nightmare. I didn’t realize it at the time but I was. I thought I was a decent enough guy but all I really wanted out of a relationship was sex and fun. I didn’t understand all that carrying on about ‘the one’ and wanting to get married. I spent most of my personal time escaping the clutches of situations like that. ‘The one’ concept wasn’t even on my radar. ‘The babe’ or ‘the next one’ were my targets.
Then one morning I woke up feeling a new sensation. I suddenly wanted to get married and settle down. It was a strange sensation maturing almost overnight like that and I really liked the feeling of having a bit of emotional depth about myself for the first time. I found I even wanted to have kids. Man, what a strange – and even wonderful – few days those were when I turned into a man almost overnight. I realized then what I’d been missing out on and what all those movies had been about.
I started watching how dads behaved with their kids when I was out in public, making mental notes about what kind of dad things I wanted to get good at and others that I didn’t think too highly of.
The next order of business was finding ‘the one.’ As a rational guy, I recognized how looney the concept of ‘the one’ was in a world full of the wreckage of failed relationships. It seemed even more looney when I looked around me and saw the situation I was faced with. There wasn’t anyone around me who who I felt was even remotely the one for me. When I occasionally saw someone who I felt could be the one for me, she was already married and so unavailable. Still, something inside me gave me the unwavering belief that, no matter how irrational a concept it seemed to be, ‘the one’ for me was out there somewhere and I just had to find her.
Now even though I’m an emotional lightweight and obnoxious wiseguy, I do have one personal virtue: I’m hardcore. When I decide to do something I go to the ends of the earth to get it done. I made a sweeping recon of my immediate environment where I lived (and had my job) in the States. Not there. I got a transfer to another city and did another recon. Nope. Bad move. I didn’t even belong in that city.
I asked for overseas assignments and got them. France for a couple of months. Nope. Not there. Portugal. Interesting and I thought once maybe I’d found her but came up empty in the end. Then my boss starting sending me to Asia. To make a long story short, on one of my trips here six years ago I met my wife one night while playing tennis with some business friends. I – now this is true even though it sounds like a dumb cliche – knew I wanted to marry her the moment I saw her. I’d never felt that way about a woman before. It took me another year to convince her to feel the same way.
Now to the present. I wake up every morning these days – like I did just this morning – and stare at her and our seven months old son lying in bed asleep and smile to myself as I think about us growing old together someday. I have no doubt in my hard, selfish little heart that she’s the one for me and all I had to do was go to the ends of the earth to find her.
I have never meet the one. I believe that the one you love is not necessary the one you marry. Yes, you can make anyone the “One” if you want to, as miltown pointed out. The Chinese however believe in
That said, when I met my wife, I was more determined that I wanted to get to know her than I ever had been before. It was almost ‘love at first sight’ (for me that is). Within a few months we both knew that we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives. It wasn’t even a question of want really. We were bound together and there was no way it would change. There is also an amazing chain of coincidences that led to us getting together, but I expect the same could be true of most relationships.
I don’t know if I believe in THE ONE, but after hearing all your posts, kind of makes me want to find The One for me…
I though both of my exes were The One, but guess not. Yet, I want to know, how do you know if He/She is the one?? What does it feels like? What gives it away that your SO is the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with??
[quote=“wolf_reinhold”]If the concept of the “one” is true, then the odds of you bumping into him/her are probably just slightly better that one in the population of the entire planet.
Of course there is no “one.” There are many.
[/quote]
Well said! There are many that could be and many more that couldn’t.
For me, I found the one 12 years ago and never looked back!
SHOCKING! What a cad! Only twisted pycho ax-murderers think like that. I thank Jesus that you found the one and true path. A born again monogamist; praise the Lord. Let us all pray for Gavi and his family.
I like all the posts here. They are interesting; some of them are very amusing! I will send the link of this thread to my single female friends. Hope they find this thread interesting and helpful too.
Zen:
Thank you for sharing your wonderful and sweet story. Wish you the best and CONGRATUATIONS!!!
Maoman:
I was moved by your first post, especially the last sentence… Haha, just joking!! We don’t know each other but you’re just like a caring friend. Thanks a lot. Oh, I like your self-help guideline for single people!!
Gavin Januarus:
That was really an encouraging story. You made it because of your steel-like will and your power to put your will into action. You deserve that!!! You said “I knew I wanted to marry her the moment I saw her.” Wow, I never believe love at first sight. I had a boyfriend whom I thought ugly and obscene at first sight but later on I found sexy and handsome. Anyway it would still feel good if someone said this to me. Hm! Women!!!
Many years ago a boyfriend told me (not complainingly) that I did not understand men. Indeed, I didn’t. Many years on, hopefully having accumulated more maturity and wisdom, I still can’t say I do. I guess things between the two sexes are a constantly learning and exploring process. I feel so much better after reading all your thoughts or experiences.
Please do post more if you guys/gals have more to say and share!!!
After 14 years of marriage, my mother-in-law still advises my wife that she should have her “own” money and property and job, “just to be secure”.[/quote]
She should. All women need to have some independence. Nothing wrong with that.[/quote]
Believe me, I’ve seen tons of divorce cases where I wish the wife would have been more secure.
But from my personal perspective, I truly believe that as the married couple is a single unit, they should function to improve the state of the unit rather than of any one component thereof (unless that improves the state of the whole). I know I am looking at this as an idealist…
I believe that no matter what the partners decide the roles will be, whether the husband or the wife stays home or whether they both work, the funds they bring in should be comingled as the marraige forms a single unit rather than two independent parts. And if one partner stays home, his or her contribution to the betterment of the family should be valued as equal to the income earned by the working spouse. This I believe firmly, regardless of the amount of income the working spouse brings into the unit.
I can’t help feeling, despite what I have seen, that if the partners both truly functioned as parts of a single whole, and were not so worried about what is mine and what is his/her’s, the union would stand a much better chance of success…
I am interesting. I race sailing boats. I scuba dive. I have contested elections. I climb mountains. I speak three languages. I’ve been all over the world. I go to concerts. I learn TaiJi. I have been chased by Komodo dragons in the wild. I have seen whirling dervishes. I wrote the official entry on hitchhiking for the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. I can be pretty damn eloquent if I’m talking to someone interesting. I have a joke for almost every situation. I know enough about most things to hold an intelligent conversation with just about anyone capable of doing the same.
I have no problem meeting people, but there don’t seem to be a lot of female people able to keep up. I have yet to meet a girl here (except for the lovely Russian lady I had lunch with yesterday) who really has a life. I am so sick of hearing about parents, work, shopping, sleep and fantasies about doing something interesting - from people who lack the strength to step outside their mundane little lives.
In the wider (outside Taiwan) world I have no trouble meeting girls with some sense of real adventure, but I’ve spent too long becoming interesting for any of them to hold my attention for long. I’ve had 3 girls apparently fall hopelessly in love with me so far this year, but none of them come close to being ‘the one’ for me, and as I get older the chances of finding her seem to recede.
I’m not trying to paint myself as some super-hero who is vastly superior to everyone he meets, but the fact remains that most people’s lives are pretty routine and once you start being ‘interesting’ you run the risk of distancing yourself from normal people.
eg I met a girl once who taught English in Asia and (at the time) that seemed like an amazingly exotic exciting thing to do. She really got my attention, but was I prepared to leave what I knew and head east to stay with her? No.
Likewise, my ex-wife was really stressed at the idea of loading the truck and heading into the mountains outside San Diego for the weekend without a plan. The fact that I do stuff like that is what attracted her to me in the first place, but only in the abstract sense. Actually giving it a go herself? No way.
So I guess I’m now agreeing with the quote I started out disagreeing with.
But I think the point is that when you find your one, you have to be sure that you are really compatible or else you are just falling for some romantic ideal that sounds great but is not really right for you. All this googly ‘love at first sight’ crap is just wishful thinking and I side with those who have told stories about long term best friends that have become ‘the one’.
I’m on safer ground with this one:
Speak for yourself, lardarse. I have had a 28" waist for the past two decades, and other people’s weight problems are up there with shopping as my least favourite topics of conversation.
PS. Iris and I are having a wild and crazy love affair and I no longer care who knows about it! 
