By definition are all of these quotes really ironic???
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively-saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale.
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. A shame, as he had merely been listening to his walkman.
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.
And the last & best …
Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with “return to sender” stamped on it. You guessed it, he opened it and said a fond farewell to his face.
“I expect to win it. Sit back, put your feet up in front of the TV, relax and enjoy it. Let me do the worrying - that’s what I get paid for.” - England manager Graham Taylor before the 1992 European championships. England didn’t win a game.
“I have always found strangers sexy.” - Hugh Grant, six months before he was arrested with stranger Divine Brown.
“I would not wish to be Prime Minister, dear.” - Margaret Thatcher in 1973.
“That rainbow song’s no good. Take it out.” - MGM memo after first showing of The Wizard Of Oz.
“You’d better learn secretarial skills or else get married.” - Modelling agency, rejecting Marilyn Monroe in 1944.
“Radio has no future.” “X-rays are clearly a hoax”. “The aeroplane is scientifically impossible.” - Royal Society president Lord Kelvin, 1897-9.
“You ought to go back to driving a truck.” - Concert manager, firing Elvis Presley in 1954.
“Forget it. No Civil War picture ever made a nickel.” - MGM executive, advising against investing in Gone With The Wind.
“Can’t act. Can’t sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.” - A film company’s verdict on Fred Astaire’s 1928 screen test.
“Very interesting, Whittle, my boy, but it will never work.” - Professor of Aeronautical Engineering at Cambridge, shown Frank Whittle’s plan for the jet engine.
“There will be one million cases of AIDS in Britain by 1991.” - World Health Organisation in a 1989 report. It over-estimated by 992,301 cases.
“The Beatles? They’re on the wane.” - The Duke of Edinburgh in Canada, 1965. They went on to produce a string of No 1s.
“The atom bomb will never go off - and I speak as an expert in explosives.” - U.S. Admiral William Leahy in 1945.
“All saved from Titanic after collision.” - New York Evening Sun, April 15 1912.
“Brain work will cause women to go bald.” - Berlin professor, 1914.
“Television won’t matter in your lifetime or mine.” - Radio Times editor Rex Lambert, 1936.
“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” - director of the US Patent Office, 1899.
“And for the tourist who really wants to get away from it all, safaris in Vietnam.” - Newsweek magazine, predicting popular holidays for the late 1960s.