[quote=“pissedpookie”]ago that some spouses deserved to get beat. This is something which some of my other relatives backed up. I’m not sure if this is a widespread belief among the older crowd or just something limited to some members of my family.
[/quote]
Never right. Not under any circumstances. The Chinese have a great saying. “If you hit your children, you are hitting your grandchildren”
If wife beating is practised in a family then it is probably tacitly approved because its something everybody grew up with.
I used to get the crap beat out of me by Gods little helpers. I never thought it was wrong.
Never right. Not under any circumstances. The Chinese have a great saying. “If you hit your children, you are hitting your grandchildren”[/quote]
Not defending the practice at all. I don’t think violence between a married couple should be tolerated at all. However, that saying does little to explain the ridiculous amount of corporal punishment that exists in Taiwanese society.
[quote=“Ironman”]
If wife beating is practised in a family then it is probably tacitly approved because its something everybody grew up with. [/quote]
Hopefully, it isn’t something which permeates the entire society. I guess I’m glad for that and a little sad for my relatives and their beliefs.
[quote=“Ironman”]
I used to get the crap beat out of me by Gods little helpers. I never thought it was wrong.[/quote]
Say whatever you like about her brother next time she asks you to do new chores. When she comes at you with the punches, subdue her. Don’t hurt her at all, but firmly subdue her. Hold her down for a minute or two, let her gnash her teeth and curse, let her see what a pscyho she is, and then walk out. Make sure you have your passport, bank book -all the important stuff, in a place that’s easy to grab, then go to Thailand for a week. She’ll come crawling back. But when you’re in Thailand, enjoy yourself. If it happens again after you return from Siam, it’s “game over.”
There is common couple aggresion, then there is high conflict. Then there is abuse, batterting and terrorism. The difference being in the first two there is no fear. People don’t get along, can’t resolve conflicts, and still can feel remorseful and not as entitled to control.
When you get to abuse, battering, and terrorism, then you start getting into areas where you see the heavier stuff. Mindfuck is right. It could happen to anyone.
Without knowing more, it’s impossible to know where you and your wife fall in the spectrum. Get help, and get help now. Isolation only adds to self-blame, self-loathing, and strips you of your power.
Act now. Surf online and read up on domestic violence. Educate yourself. Call a counselor. Tell a friend. Baby steps, and you can empower yourself.
So next time you two are enjoying a romantic evening at a nice restaurant, she will smile at you and you might think Oh, I’m so glad we came to this restaurant, because otherwise she might punch me and scream at me.
Realize that divorces are joyous occasions. When I heard that my cousin was getting married, I felt happy for her. When I heard that she got divorced a year later, I was overjoyed.
It sounds like she really wants to get a divorce, but she doesn’t want to come out and say it. Just realize that this divorce will make your next marriage a lot stronger.
[quote]she started calling me a liar and all. I told her I’m not like her brother and bending over backwards for her. then she threatened to punch me if I ever bring her brother into an argument. she started crying and screaming and it looked like she was going to start punching. i warned her that she needed to back down and calm down. then she went nuts and was on the verge of punching. she scream
ed at me til I was scared. I swear she is possesed.[/quote]
Wispy swiller gave good advice on this one.
Maybe she is a spoiled brat. Did you see Madonna in “Swept Away”?
I had a neighbour comment once that he couldn’t understand me and my wife. We were always either fucking or fighting he said. Our relationship has “cooled” quite a bit and we now know how to avoid setting each off. That and the fact that the basic affection (and now respect) is there make it something extremely valuable to both of us. A good marraiage is composed of thousands and thousands of small acts of kindness and consideration IMHO. It’s not possible if you don’t have the patience and intelligence to understand another person. If anybody had observed my wife and I on one of our bad days I doubt that they would have concluded that we possessed much of either one.
Rantherman, dude, try to be honest with yourself. If you can’t be honest with yourself, how can you be with someone else? If you won’t face things head-on with your semi-crazy woman (I’ve been there, I know, and it’s not so easy to just break up and walk away), then how will you be able to face more serious things in the future -like turmoil when there’s a little mixed-blood spoiled brat running around? Really. However bad it is now, it won’t be NEARLY as bad as it could be. Stick to your guns. Be honest with yourself, always.
pretty simple problem. Women test men to see if they are wusses. A wuss will accept almost any behaviour. You have apparently been a wuss for a long time so the behaviour has grown increasingly bad. She is just being normal. The problems you are experiencing are all your fault. What kind of man would rather get along than stand for something? How can you ask people to respect such a man. Grow a pair. BTW, violence and/or getting angry is just more wuss behaviour. Never compromise on what is acceptable behaviour or what is important to you. Compromise on everything else.
Well you could always pull one out of the “Taiwan marriage playbook”
Drop her off at her parent’s house and tell them you don’t want her back until she’s more mature.
You have to find out what the girl wants in a relationship. Some girls want to be your equal in life. Some girls want to be bossed around. Some girls want to boss you around.
I’m sure you have considered the get-out-and-run-like-a-bastard-option many times already. Seriously mate, I remember your previous post along the same lines. I feel for you mate… I honestly don’t know how I would have handled it.
thank you all for your comments. AC said something about 'wanting equal". she is obssessed with “equal”. and she’s like a tape recorder. she will remember stuff i said from months before and bring it up to show me that my opinions are wrong, ba da this ba da that.
my fear this week is that she will know that i ordered one more book than i promised from Amazon. when that book comes in it’s gonna hit the fan.
she has no levels. i mean ordering one more book is not the same as say humping her best friend. but she has no levels of anger, everything is the same as if i had really had a good time with my badness and was getting what i deserve.
taiwan and the US don’t clear their debt why should i? yeah it would be good to clean all 80,000NT off my AMEX but it’ll be right there again in Sept when i have to go vist my family in the states.
I think we may be getting closer to the heart of the matter now ran. Some women go into a panic stricken rage when they begin to realize that their husband is an ineffectual dreamer who spends all their money (and perhaps chases other women around). That can really set them off for awhile. Just keep catering to her needs and gradually she’ll adjust. This dynamic is fairly common to the Taiwan experience I think so perhaps others here can confirm that what I say is true.
bob has a point, girls usually act less crazy if the guy their with has finacial responsibility. If your income allows you to carry NT$80,000 on revolving credit that’s fine.
Sometimes money can buy love.
I guess you can take her to the States to meet your family, it will preoccupy her so you can do other things without her cramping your style.
I think we may be getting closer to the heart of the matter now ran. [quote]
Maybe you could just find a job in the US and stay there for awhile… chill out let let some of the anger and hate go.
I think you need a break to really determine if you can keep going like this. My ex was bitching and moaning everyday how she wanted to live in Australia and do further studies… so we got divorced…
But where does she live now… back in Taichung :loco: :loco: :loco:
I’m an Old Testatment gent and believe in equal treatment for the sexes in all areas. I believe in the “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” ethos. If your wife physically abuses you – hit her back! Apart from a few bar fights, I’ve never hit anyone in my life and definitely I’ve never hit a woman. But if your wife is doing this to you and you are taking it, she views you as weak!!! This situation needs to be rectified and you have to show her that you won’t take it – that you will fight back.
If I were you, I’d pull a “Sean Connery” on her and hit her with a golf club. Sometimes you have to respond to violence with violence. In military terms, its what Israel has done for years with its “massive retaliation” policy.
I don’t know if hitting back is such a great idea. Just something about violence and escalating and all that.
Why don’t you go to couple’s counseling? Is there something that stops you from finding a safe space to work out this stuff? Or do you feel like it’s not possible to work it out?
been there, done that.she’s like a punk that never learns. and all it’s doing is setting the limit on how much she can get away with before i won’t take it anymore. when i fight back, it’s threats of divorce. and i feel worse about myself. but she won’t stop til i crack. it’s wierd. a lot of people don’t know what a scrappy little mother fucker i am. and she’s pushing buttons on a maniac like me? strange.
