It's Genetic, Stupid!

My cousin just sent me the following article showing that it is not a “choice,” but genetic.


The discovery that affiliation with the Republican Party is genetically determined was announced by scientists in the current issue of the journal NURTURE, causing uproar among traditionalists who believe it is a chosen lifestyle. Reports of the gene coding for political conservatism, discovered after a decades-long study of quintuplets in Orange County, CA, has sent shock waves through the medical, political, and golfing communities.

Psychologists and psychoanalysts have long believed that Republicans’ unnatural disregard for the poor and frequently unconstitutional tendencies resulted from dysfunctional family dynamics – a remarkably high percentage of Republicans do have authoritarian domineering fathers and emotionally distant mothers who didn’t teach them how to be kind and gentle. Biologists have long suspected that conservatism is inherited. “After all,” said one author of the NURTURE article, “It’s quite common for a Republican to have a brother or sister who is a Republican.” The finding has been greeted with relief by Parents and Friends of Republicans (PFREP), who sometimes blame themselves for the political views of otherwise lovable children, family, and unindicted co-conspirators.

One mother, a longtime Democrat, wept and clapped her hands in ecstasy on hearing of the findings. “I just knew it was genetic,” she said, seated with her two sons, both avowed Republicans. “My boys would never freely choose that lifestyle!” When asked what the Republican lifestyle was, she said, “You can just tell watching their conventions in Houston and San Diego on TV: the flaming xenophobia, flamboyant demagoguery, disdain for
anyone not rich, you know.” Both sons had suspected their Republicanism from an early age but did not confirm it until they were in college, when they became convinced it wasn’t just a phase they were going through.

The NURTURE article offered no response to the suggestion that the high incidence of Republicanism among siblings could result from their sharing not only genes but also psychological and emotional attitude as products of the same parents and family dynamics.

A remaining mystery is why many Democrats admit to having voted Republican at least once – or often dream or fantasize about doing so. Polls show that three out of five adult Democrats have had a Republican experience, although most outgrow teenage experimentation with Republicanism.

Some Republicans hail the findings as a step toward eliminating conservophobia. They argue that since Republicans didn’t “choose” their lifestyle any more than someone “chooses” to have a ski-jump nose, they shouldn’t be denied civil rights which other minorities enjoy.

If conservatism is not the result of stinginess or orneriness (typical stereotypes attributed to Republicans) but is something Republicans can’t help, there’s no reason why society shouldn’t tolerate Republicans in the military or even high elected office – provided they don’t flaunt their political beliefs.

For many Americans, the discovery opens a window on a different future. In a few years, gene therapy might eradicate Republicanism altogether.

But should they be allowed to marry?[/quote]

Guess this means we are going to have to start treating them like equals, and not second class citizens like before. :laughing:

The WSJ’s James Taranto has commented quite a bit on what he calls “the Roe Effect” – the tendency for liberals to abort inconvenient cell-bundles while conservatives don’t murder their babies.

One statistical-analysis piece he did indicated that Al Gore would have picked up enough additional votes in 2000 to tip the election – if only Roe v. Wade hadn’t thrown abortion clinic doors wide open.

Why change?? Give it time, the conservatives will outbreed you (well, especially YOU). Then you’ll really have some fun.



.[quote] Why change?? Give it time, the conservatives will outbreed you (well, especially YOU). Then you’ll really have some fun.[/quote]

My… aren’t we bitchy. :unamused: Don’t like having conservatives made fun of?

By the way, it is not that cut-and-dried. Not all conservatives are anti-abortion. Nor are all liberals pro-abortion.

Besides, the conservatives will never outbreed anyone. They are too busy killing off young people (and eligible voters) in ill-devised wars and occupations…

Take a look at how many since the oh-so-necessary war in Iraq started: Faces of the Fallen

My… aren’t we bitchy. :unamused:[/quote]
OOooooOOOOoooohhhh! Cat fight! Mreow! :smiley:

It’s cute the first few hundred times, but wears thin after a while.


It’s cute the first few hundred times, but wears thin after a while.[/quote]

Hmmm… funny you don’t think about that when you all make fun of liberals. You know… Do unto others and all that… Don’t you read the Bible? I thought you were a conservative. :wink:

But Liberals deserve it. :stuck_out_tongue:

No, just a warmonger.

But Liberals deserve it. :p[/quote] Dad? Is that you? :stuck_out_tongue: