I've killed a tree

Everytime I go in to Starbucks for a coffee-to-go I take two of those little wooden sticks. Why do I do this?

Is it like many other people that when I am bored I can build a stick house?

Do I just like chewing them?

They are good for cleaning holes like my earhole and nosehole.

They make good christmas presents.

I can use them as chopsticks.

I can use them as support if I break my finger.

They are good for getting dog poo off the sole of your shoe.

Quickly change the title to 101 things to do with a stick from Starbucks.

I just suck them. Kind of placates the weirdy oral fixation that makes me want to drink warm milky liquids through a plastic hole (latte to go) just a little bit more.

Starbuck is an adult pleasure palace/womb. It’s dark; turdy brown, comfy chairs, slightly dirty, distant chatter but nothing obtrusive. And the suckling of warm milk.

I rarely go there… Mainly because I hate the music (squirty McJazz; zzz) and because the people that work there are all MacDonalds/7-11 rejects. I don’t need an extra layer of annoyance to my day.

I knew I wasn’t going there for the coffee. You can’t call it a homely feeling because home isn’t like that. It’s like sitting on the toilet reading the newspaper having a crap feeling. Yes, a brown feeling?

Definitely brown. And corporate.

Hey, it beats eye-piercing yellow and a fog of suspended oil droplets.

Use them and then put them back.

Sigh. I WISH my parents had had more imagination when I was born.

Squarty McJizz?