I dropped a jelly bean in the urinal at the airport, there was a big line so with no time to fish out the delicious little devil, i politely stepped to the side and let the next person in line carry out their business…waiting patiently for the line to die down I could see my jellybean dissolving, shrinking with each pass of urine…in the end i was left with a pebble sized, colorless pellet of sugar…how do i fix this and who’s responsible?
[quote=“k.k.”]
He couldn’t even figure out which sport and team I was talking about.
Certainly not denying my being a fan of the Blue Jays. [/quote]
Dear Mr K.K.
I’m sorry, I was projecting far further into the future. I assumed that you knew that the Islanders are a bunch of crappy lard-asses and would never make the play-offs. Hence, my Oracle didn’t worry with that trifle, and instead gave me a prediction for the equally atrociously crappy Blue Jays. My apologies.
I’m sending an Ifrit to have a word with you concerning your negative attitude.
I dropped a jelly bean in the urinal at the airport, there was a big line so with no time to fish out the delicious little devil, i stepped to the side and let the next person in line carry out their business…waiting patiently for the line to die down I could see my jellybean dissolving, shrinking with each pass of urine…in the end I was left with a pebble sized, colorless pellet of sugar…how do i fix this and who’s responsible?[/quote]
Dear Mr analog
This is a tricky one, so let’s take things slowly. One step at a time.
The Genie advises that you NEVER eat jelly beans at airport urinals. Fish and chips is a far tastier option.
This was obviously not in Taiwan. Otherwise you could have lingered there for eternity.
Always take your time at the urinal. Perchance a previous diner has left a nice piece of fish there to supplement your meal.
Urine will do that to jelly beans. Something like a nice steak is far more durable. Try that in future.
You should be grateful. All of the artificial colorants and flavors were washed away, rendering your jelly bean tastier and more nutritious.
Nobody is responsible for your stroke of good luck. It was a group effort and you should thank all concerned rather than single out an individual for praise. It’s already fixed. You may now eat your jelly bean.
There! You see! There was a perfectly plausible explanation for it. Presley’s powers of prediction and prescience are even more prodigious and pronounced than previously presumed. :neutral:
Politely! Politely questioned! :no-no:
The bar is set at exactly 115 cms. Not too high; not too low.
You’d BETTER not! We’ve got links! :raspberry:
Not so sure we can be friends again until you apologize.
Still questioning . . . after all that evidence!
You’re saying “sorry”, but, sorry, I don’t think this qualifies as an apology. You don’t seem sincere enough.
Jimi Genie has put me in my place. I have nowhere left to go.
[quote=“jimipresley”]Dear Mr K.K.
I’m sorry, I was projecting far further into the future. I assumed that you knew that the Islanders are a bunch of crappy lard-asses and would never make the play-offs. Hence, my Oracle didn’t worry with that trifle, and instead gave me a prediction for the equally atrociously crappy Blue Jays. My apologies.[/quote]
I’m sorry genie. Could you grant me a sports championship at some point in the not too distant future? Any of the teams and sports I follow will do. Dare I mention the Winnipeg Blue Bombers and their 18 year Grey Cup drought?
I will repent.
The school where I live sometimes gives quite good approximations of Hitler’s Nuremberg rallies. A short man with black hair rants and raves through a loudspeaker at deafening volume, and the crowd reacts with cheers and cries. Sometimes he leads them into it, asking little series of leading questions to which the crowd roars back a pre-programmed response, each time louder than the last.
The problem is that their German appears to be a bit off. It’s almost as if they weren’t speaking German at all, though the accent is certainly harsh and gutteral enough. I’ve tried playing excerpts from real Nuremberg footage back at them at top volume, but they haven’t improved yet. Any ideas? I feel sorry for them. They always seem to have their Swastikas backwards too. I’ve tried telling them, but no avail.
My apologies. I have been feverishly masturbating all week and have not had time to attend to my readers’ trifling yearnings. I shall attend to your sad tales of woe and magnanimously grant favors over the weekend.
The school where I live sometimes gives quite good approximations of Hitler’s Nuremberg rallies. A short man with black hair rants and raves through a loudspeaker at deafening volume, and the crowd reacts with cheers and cries. Sometimes he leads them into it, asking little series of leading questions to which the crowd roars back a pre-programmed response, each time louder than the last.
The problem is that their German appears to be a bit off. It’s almost as if they weren’t speaking German at all, though the accent is certainly harsh and gutteral enough. I’ve tried playing excerpts from real Nuremberg footage back at them at top volume, but they haven’t improved yet. Any ideas? I feel sorry for them. They always seem to have their Swastikas backwards too. I’ve tried telling them, but no avail.
Hanz[/quote]
Dear Hanz
The Genie has of late also been perturbed by the lack of focus and moral fiber displayed by the local school fascists. I suggest that (whilst beating said perpetrators with a heavy cane) you force them to watch Leni Riefenstahl’s “Triumph of the Will” whilst repeatedly screaming “achtung”. Failing that, there are gulags in the USA specifically designed for re-education.
As far as the backwards swastikas are concerned, the Genie notes that it denotes some type of misguided vegetarianism. The Fuhrer himself, being a misguided vegetarian, would surely take affront. I suggest setting up mirrors all over the school to rectify this blatant slovenliness.