If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States
If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
This is not a political post, I just want to travel
It is now November 6th. I have seen a lot of hate spewed in recent days about a man who is a constant winner and overachiever, and that’s what the people who support him like about him. Yes, he’s been caught in some lies and maybe twisted the truth a little, but he’s still out there proving his haters wrong – time after time. Some people are just jealous of someone who is successful and has money. Throw in a hot foreign underwear model at his side and they hate him even more. You may not have wanted him in his role, but he’s there now and there’s nothing you can do about it. I know it’s possibly just going to get worse over the next several days, but like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa
I won the lottery today!!!
Well, I only got the first two numbers, but my lawyers are working on having them stop the count.
I bought a horse. Called it Mayo
Mayo neighs.
Cream colored, I hope?
i once had a horse called Meio neighs.
Neighbors loved it. Never made a sound.
If you notice cows sleeping in a field, does that mean it’s pasture bedtime?
My wife is leaving me because I keep forgetting to take the old coffee filter out of the machine.
She claims it’s grounds for divorce.
On the topic of horses
One day a bloke is sitting at the breakfast table reading the paper
wham his wife knocks him out wife a frying pan
when he comes around - “hey! what was that for?!”
“I found the note in your pocket”, she replies. “who’s Jennifer?”
“Oh uhh, oh right, that’s a horse me mates down at the pub tipped me off for”
“Oh alright. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have knocked you out” she replies.
A few days later the old mate is chilling out on the couch and wham his wife knocks him out with the frying pan
“oi! what was that for!” he says as he comes round
“your horse called” his wife replies
I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night.
I’m now in hospital, waiting to be seen…
My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.
I saw it coming from a kilometre away.
I don’t like to talk about my years spent working as a cinema usher.
I was in a dark place at the time.
My girlfriend broke up with me so I stole her wheelchair.
👩🏼🦽
Guess who came crawling back!
She was always jealous because she couldn’t do stand-up.
I was on a train and this woman opposite looked at me and said “Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place…”
I asked “Are you single?”
She replied “No, I’m a dentist.”
I saw a Scottish man carrying an enormous colander.
He said. “It’s massive.”
You know the problem with Thanksgiving is always too much damn food. Especially the next day, with all the leftovers and sandwiches. I dislike it since I am trying to quit cold turkey.
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?
The real question is: who broke the lightbulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
What do you call two heathens in a room together? an argument. What do you call ten heathens in a room together? a beer tasting!
How many vikings does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The light from the burning monasteries works just fine.
Sleepy J. is 78 today