Joke of the Day 2021

If I had to describe myself in three words, I’d say, “not good at math.”

3 Likes

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What do you call a cat that drives a taxi?

A Tabby Cabby

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Five years ago, I messaged a random woman on Tinder, asking her to go on a date with me. Today, I asked her to be my wife.

She said “No” both times.

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I came home drunk last night and didn’t want to wake anyone up so I just stuck two French pancakes to my feet and crêped up the stairs…

1 Like

Human: We have a color named after you!
Salmon: Really? Is it silvery blue like my skin?
Human: No, uh…
Salmon: Wait, why is it pink?
Human: …
Salmon: WHY IS IT PINK?!?

2 Likes

I saw a German man jump into a freezing cold pond to rescue a dog who was drowning.
He climbed out, handed over the dog and said, “Here is ze dog. Dry him off, keep him vorm, he vill be fine.”
“Are you a vet?” I asked.
He replied, “Vet?!? I’m fucking soaking!”

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My wife and I met on a website for dolphin impersonators.

We clicked right away…

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Are you just going through your “bumper book of stupid jokes” a page at a time here? :slight_smile:

I don’t get it

Must be a British thing… :grin:

I had a book when i was about 7 called the bumper book of fun, or something similar. Your daily jokes are very familiar :slight_smile:

what’s the punchline?

And the rabbit says, “I think I’m a typo.”

3 Likes

What do polar bears eat for fun?

Ice burgers

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I’m emotionally constipated.

I haven’t given a shit in days.

5 Likes

I want to tell you all about a girl who only ate plants…

You’ve probably never heard of herbivore

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Hey girl, your last name must be Pfizer, because you just made my heart stop.

?
Hey girl, your last name must be Pfizer, because you gave me the best boner I’ve had for years.

2 Likes

When I teach in person, students often laugh at my jokes. But when I teach the same students online they don’t laugh at all, so I asked them why.

They replied, “Because your jokes aren’t remotely funny.”

7 Likes

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