If you want to ride a scooter in Kaohsiung, don’t think that a Taiwanese scooter license or experience in Taipei riding count for anything. Take the Kaohsiung Scooter Driving Test to see if you have what it takes to ride a scooter in Kaohsiung.
- If your scooter is a 25-year-old 2-stroke scooter that emits more pollution than a steel factory and the government is offering a $20,000 incentive to trade that pile of junk in for a new 4-stroke scooter, you:
a) You can’t take advantage of the offer, because you would never ride a scooter past a decade.
b) Don’t trade it in… after all, it still gets you from A to B, even if your trail of smoke can be seen from space.
c) Definitely take advantage of the offer; it’s a great deal and you needed a new scooter for a while.
- If you come upon a red light and it seems that there are no vehicles coming, you:
a) Stop behind the solid white line.
b) Slow down a little, but otherwise go through - nobody’s coming!
c) Stop with your front wheel just a tad over the solid white line.
- If you come upon an amber light, but then it turns red before you’re anywhere near the intersection, you:
a) Well, you already stopped.
b) Blast through the intersection, beeping your horn to warn others that you’re coming. Maybe beep, maybe not.
c) You blasted through while it was amber and by the time it’s red, you had almost cleared the intersection.
- If you have to stop for a red light (because the intersection is much too busy to just proceed), where do you stop?
a) Behind the white stopping line.
b) As far into the intersection as possible. Maybe on the zebra crossing, maybe in the two-step turn box, and if the intersection is small enough, right in the middle.
c) With one wheel over the white stopping line.
- If you’re waiting at an intersection and you know the light is about to turn green, what do you do?
a) Wait until it turns green before going.
b) Start going, of course. Doesn’t matter if perpendicular traffic is known to run solid red lights.
c) Rev your engine, it’s time to go!
- Traffic is quite heavy, but it looks like there’s no one on the sidewalk.
a) And your point is?
b) Ride onto the sidewalk… even if there are people there, they won’t say anything.
c) Only ride onto the sidewalk if nobody is there.
- You need to go 250 metres down the street, on the same side of the street, but the direction is opposite to traffic flow.
a) Make a left turn, and ride on the correct side of the road, making another left turn to your destination.
b) Ride down the wrong side of the road… not on the sidewalk, on the street. Maybe, also on the sidewalk.
c) Only ride down the wrong side of the road if your bag of Betel Nut is securely in your pocket.
- You’re riding 20 km/h in the scooter-only lane.
a) You wouldn’t ride that slow.
b) Ride right in the middle, making it impossible for others to pass.
c) Ride to one side, letting others pass.
- You’re a really old lady and never ride faster than 20 km/h. How do you make sure to get to your destination smoothly?
a) Take a taxi.
b) Just ride really slowly, running every red light you come across. Make sure that you re-pass other vehicles waiting at the red light that passed you earlier.
c) Get your son to ride you places.
- You’re just riding in a straight line.
a) Your line is very straight.
b) Slowly drift from left to right in an incomprehensible pattern.
c) Cut other scooters off suddenly and without warning.
- It’s time to park your scooter. Where do you park?
a) In designated parking spots.
b) In the most convenient place for you. Doesn’t matter if your scooter is blocking the main entrance or a fire exit.
c) On the sidewalk, as long as there are other scooters doing the same.
- Your scooter makes a loud squealing noise every time you brake.
a) That wouldn’t happen, because you get your brakes serviced regularly.
b) Good. It took forever for that noise to develop; it’s a good audible warning that I’m coming and anyway, I’m used to it.
c) Change your brake pads when the squealing is unbearable.
- How do you make a left turn at a two-step left-turn intersection?
a) Proceed right, into the two-step turn waiting box.
b) Proceed left, to the nearest street corner so that you can go when no cars are coming and can block right-turning traffic at the same time.
c) Maybe use the waiting box, maybe just turn left like a car.
- What kind of helmet should you buy?
a) The best helmet you can afford, but surely not something below a certain safety standard.
b) More than NT$100 is too much… heck, the helmet doesn’t even need to be Styrofoam-lined - a plastic shell will do.
c) An NT$650 helmet is good enough.
- How should you wear your helmet?
a) Make sure it fits properly and strap it on tightly.
b) As long as it doesn’t fall off your head. It might fall, but just pick it up and slap it back on top of that non-functioning noggin’.
c) Strap it up, but only very loosely. You don’t want the slightest amount of discomfort, after all.
- It’s quite dark out, what do you do?
a) Turn on the scooter lights.
b) Nothing. Why are you asking me this?
c) Maybe turn on the scooter lights… if they work. If they do work, high-beams!
- It’s getting quite hard to start your scooter.
a) Take it to a mechanic to get the problem resolved.
b) Spend a progressively longer and longer time trying to start your scooter each time. Only take it to a mechanic if it takes longer than 20 minutes and 15 attempts to start.
c) Take it to a mechanic when the problem gets more than inconvenient.
- Your tires are getting bald.
a) Wouldn’t happen. You changed those things as soon as the grip wasn’t optimal.
b) Bald is not any reason to change a perfectly usable tire.
c) I’ll change it when it’s smooth.
- Some of your lights don’t work.
a) As soon as a bulb goes out, I get it changed.
b) In fact, none of them work!
c) I’ll change it when I have the time…
- You’re a teenager and want to buy a stylish scooter.
a) Choose one that I like.
b) Choose the Kymco Many; all the other douchebag teenagers are riding it. If you can afford the bling-bling Swarovski Crystal package, all the better.
c) Get one of the “racing” scooters. This is the most excitement in your daily life, anyway.
- What is the first modification on your scooter?
a) Better tires. Otherwise, a scooter is only an A-to-B type of transportation; modifying it would be simply embarrassing!
b) Stick-on plastic diamonds from the $10 store and a high-pitched horn; like the horns used on tour buses in China.
c) A really loud exhaust pipe; the louder the better. People don’t need sleep and I don’t need my eardrums.
If you answered mostly:
a) - You’re not suited to riding in Kaohsiung, much less Taiwan at all! Go back to your neat-and-organized traffic system. GTFO!
b) - Congratulations, you passed the KSDT with flying colours. You can start riding immediately, but you’ve probably been riding for years already.
c) - Unfortunately, it seems you’re only suited to riding in Taipei. Kaohsiung and other cities are not suitable for your type of riding habits.
