Know of any successful mixed couple marriage?

Life Dating & Relationships
21

tw.news.yahoo.com/article/url/d/ … 135ox.html

整體而言，國人和外籍配偶的離婚率為千分之二八．四，其中和外籍新郎分手的離婚率為千分之四四．七，外籍新娘為二七．二，為國人有偶人口中男性的四倍、女性的三倍之多（加上和外籍通婚案例，國人男性離婚率為千分之一一．四一，女性為千分之一一．八一）。

Divorce rate for mixed couple = 28.4 out of 1000
Divorce rate for foreign men = 44.7 out 1000
Divorce rate for foreign women = 27.3 out out 1000
Divorce rate for men (overall) = 11.41 out of 1000
Divorce rate for women (overall) = 11.81 out of 1000

I agree that marriages to foreign women may not be a good match from the start for the reasons mentioned by sandman. However, the marriages to foreign men have a even higher divorce rate. Althought the article (and related articles) mentioned about difficult marriages to a Japanese man and a Korean man, there should be a much higher percentage of the marriages to non-Asian foreign men.

It is too bad that the stat doesn’t list the divorce rate for foreign non-Asian women. The number of such marriages should be much lower than marriage to foreign Asian women. I wonder what the divorce rate would be like. From my experience, it is not very good. So far it is 1.8 out of 3 - one is possibly on its way out (for AM-WF couples, locally educated). Of the 3 other mixed AM-WF couple whose marriages are OK, the men were educated abroad (me included).[/quote]

What happens to those numbers when you screen out people over 40? The divorce rate for locals in that age group is quite a bit lower. We should look at buckets of age grops as it would seems the divorce rate among young local couples is also quite high.

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The article doesn’t such numbers, unfortunately. Maybe some can write a master/doctor thesis paper:-)

23

The article doesn’t such numbers, unfortunately. Maybe some can write a master/doctor thesis paper:-)[/quote]
I have several on my hard drive, but I’d need the writer’s permission before letting you see them. I’ll ask her, though – she’s the head of counselling at Shida Uni and is widely published in this field.

24

The article doesn’t such numbers, unfortunately. Maybe some can write a master/doctor thesis paper:-)[/quote]
I have several on my hard drive, but I’d need the writer’s permission before letting you see them. I’ll ask her, though – she’s the head of counselling at Shi-Da Uni and is widely published in this field.[/quote]

Well…can you give us something directionally correct?

25

[quote=“netuser”]Do you personally know of any successful mixed couple marriage in Taiwan where the woman is a non-Asian westerner and the guy is a local Taiwanese who has not lived abroad?

Most relationship talked about in the forum is the other way around.[/quote]

I know of a few but their privacy means not passing out info.

26

Yes, I know several. My own doesn’t count because my husband went abroad to study in his 30’s.
I am also interested, though - what’s your definition of a successful marriage? And, do you think actually never having lived abroad will make someone less likely to have a successful marriage with someone from another country?

27

[quote=“Thaiexpat”]I’m not surprised that the divorce rates seem pretty high. I haven’t seen very many Asian/caucasian relationships truly go the distance in all my years of living in Asia and the U.S. I know of exactly two mixed couples that have grown kids who haven’t divorced.

The most successful mixed married couple I know is a WM/AF couple in Thailand. The WM is almost a fully assimilated thai passport holder and a western executive. The woman comes from a very good family. They weren’t looking for a foreign relationship but it just happened and it worked out very well for them. My American born thai friend is dating their mixed daughter (who is gorgeous) and the parents are some of the most open minded people I’ve met.

Both couples were very successful people so that might have had something to do with it. Neither got involved for “fetish” purposes or reasons that were completely skewed in one direction economically or socially.

I really do think the reasons behind getting into these mixed relationships has a huge effect on their longterm success. If you just want an “exotic” relationship then I don’t expect it to last very long and that’s when people become jaded.[/quote]

I don’t think many foreigners living in Taiwan would get married for exotic reasons. The foreigners living in Taiwan are a bit different than foreigners in Thailand, in general. Whereas I get the impression many foreigners are in Thailand for retirement, nice beaches, running away, cheap sex aswell as people like upstanding citizens like yourself. Taiwan’s foreigners are usually quite young when they arrive and tend to have to adapt more and also are younger so can adapt more if they stay long-term.

The second and major point is the INCOME GAP factor. If the wife is from a very poor background it may create pressure on the relationship through family demands, also EDUCATION GAP, will create a difference.
I don’t have set standards regarding background of spouse but she should have at least a half similar educational background and understanding of the world, otherwise the relationship may not have much commonality (note I don’t say her background needs to have lots of money).
It doesn’t require that your partner has lived abroad, but it is much better if your partner has known and had friends/bf/gf that were foreigners before.

I agree and know from experience that it’s important to live with people first to figure out compatibility.

If indeed the divorce rate is higher among mixed couples it wouldn’t be a complete surprise since two families are living in different parts of the world and sometimes there are income gaps and somebody has to make sacrifice on where they want to live usually. The other reason that may be is just that foreigners including westerners are more used to divorce in general, don’t need to save face and have better divorce laws, whereas here many women would not get much or any alimony post divorce.

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I am a foreign woman married to a local guy who has never studied abroad. we’ve been married six years and counting. I’m not sure what the intrest is for you though?

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headhonchoII, I think you have a very odd view on how things work. From what you wrote it sounds like the first thing you ask a girl when you meet her is where she went to school and what she studied, I don’t think that’s a great pickup line. I’m not married, but my GF (who is a local) has much higher education than me, makes more money than me and even owns her own place here, but that has never caused any problems between the two of us. We’ve lived together for over a year now and the one thing she in generally gets annoyed with when it comes to me is that I have a hard time making my mind out where we should go and eat…

As long as it works and you have similar interests, I don’t see the problem. At the end of the day, the key thing is that the two of you have similar targers in life, as otherwise things will end up going awry quickly. Love and respect is always important, but I don’t think the level of education matters as long as both people have a similar understanding of the world. You really just have to give it a go and see how things work out, although getting married is a big leap of faith as well, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. I know that, as my old man has been married way too many times… but at least he found someone he’s still with in the end.

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You just confirmed my point, your gf is earning more than you. If your gf was very poor she may need your financial support sometimes and that would create a lot of tension. Even if she didn’t ask for it it would be there in the background eating away. You by definition are not poor because it is very hard to be a real poor person in Europe now with good social welface and education. It sounds like your gf is from a well off family. The truth is that in Taiwan there is very little earning power of young adults and to get earning power you need a foreign education so in reality upward mobility is difficult here.

I was never concerned about asking them their educational background, economic background. But INEVITABLY these things are very important in creating common interest between individuals.
I have dated women from many different countries, they all had the commonality of being university educated…so they could speak English and support themselves etc. Due to globalisation many of the interests are similar…it wasn’t a conscious decision but later I realised that no matter where I was the girls I was dating had a certain background that kind of matched with mine.

I have personal experience of dealing with financial problems from partner’s side and it puts massive pressure on relationship. A lot of westerners don’t really get the tightrope most of the world’s population live on with no social welfare. You have a debt in Taiwan and you go to jail/run away and your family don’t have any income. Your friends/relations desert you. You get chased by gangsters and the debt gets passed down to the next generation. Do you know the suicide rate in Taiwan for debt? I saw a story last year where a family of four jumped off the same bridge (the flyway over Bitan) two months apart , first the father and one daughter, then the mother and the other daughter. They had no way out and that is the truth. The father was the breadwinner and they had debts and lived in a shack. There is no magic carpet for economic problems.

I would guess it’s the same story across a large swathe of the world. Imagine that your gf was from a low income family, had no chance to get 3rd level education and never met other foreigners before. This is a big risk, because if you want to move to the west she will find it very hard to get a job and will be a massive adjustment. Now if she came from a rich family who can send her to the US to study for a couple of years and went to buxiban she has the experience and skillset to at least cope a bit better and even get a decent job if lucky in the foreign country. Then she will be happier and you don’t have to cover all the expenses on your own. Would you be prepared to pay her expense to go to university if she wanted, or to help her family cover their debts to make her happier?

If there is a big gap this can create huge tension/hindrance in creating a mature adult relationship between relative equal partners.

31

Confirm your point? Uhm… no… I still help her pay for stuff, as she gives a chunk of her wages to her parents every month and she’s not from a well off family, you’re just making a lot of presumptions. She’s worked her ass off to get to where she is today and when we meet she used to work 12-14h a day and I mean really work, not just sit arround in the office.

Where I come from, at least when I was growing up, most people didn’t go to uni, it wasn’t considered a key factor of getting a job and it has never held me back. Normally you spend 12 years in school in Sweden and then you go out and find yourself a job. Besides, what I do for a living has nothing to do with what I studied at the time. She on the other hand works in the field she chose to study and she worked and saved up her money and borrowed the rest from the bank to be able to finishe her studies. I didn’t say I was bad off either, but she makes more money than me, yes I pay my fair share of everything, so no, I don’t confirm your point.

Our education and economic background has nothing to do with how we feel for eachother, nor does it have anything to do with our relationship as a whole. Sure, neither of us are stupid people and I guess it helps that she speaks great English, as my Chinese sucks. But then again, she also know a fair bit of Japanese and a bit of this and that. Our background doesn’t have a whole lot in common, but we still get along great, sure, we don’t share everything, but we’re both aware that we have different backgrounds and as such allow for flexibility to accomodate for that.

I guess you’re very concerned about money and who pays for what, I’m not and neither is my GF. Sure, there are problems in this part of the world that doesn’t happen in the west, but there are other types of problems there. I don’t know where you’re going with that though, but you seemed overly concerned with things that I think most people would notice after a short while with someone. I’ve meet other girls here before here that weren’t well off, but it didn’t mean that they or their families had debts or any such problems as what you’re talking about. My GF didn’t go to buxiban’s and she paid on her own for her year abroad, not her parents and she has paid off all her debts through hard work.

Besides, I don’t think either of us are in a situation that we would meet someone like who you’re describing, as we don’t “hang out” in those circles, well, at least I don’t. Most people aren’t what I’d call well off here, but they make do with what they have and try to make the best out of it. I think you’ve got some issues you need to work out.

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[quote=“headhonchoII”]Due to globalisation many of the interests are similar…it wasn’t a conscious decision but later I realised that no matter where I was the girls I was dating had a certain background that kind of matched with mine.
[/quote]

I can see how two university graduates would have more in common, or more shared interests than if one partner wasn’t tertiary educated. But what does inter-connected global trade links have to do with having shared interests?

EDIT: To thelostswede - Awesome post!

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Dude, I don’t have any issue I have to work out!

Sorry if I assumed a bit that’s she from a well-off family but Taiwan is very stratified now, it’s rare to find people in good positions who didn’t get a helping hand. It’s almost impossible to get a job in an American or Japanese foreign company in Taiwan without studying overseas, even if your English/Japanese is good or your work experience or attitude is good. They also pay you more if you have a foreign degree (but only a few 1000ntd/mth). You didn’t go to uni. but at that time finishing high school was probably not much different, or else Sweden is different than a lot of countries in Europe and N.America (you can’t get a visa to work in Taiwan very easily without a degree, so it also filters out a lot of people, supposedly).
Your gf is university educated and can speak English and Japanese…of course people can succeed on their own steam, it’s tough working in Taiwan I know and she has at least as much money as you, she’s from the same socio-economic background as you. You have a better chance of making a success of it because you can fit in each other’s worlds better. If you think money and economic background doesn’t come into it you would be mistaken… family loyalty and relationship loyalty.

To Bismark: inter-connected global trade has A HELL OF A LOT to do with it. Think about it, you and partner are used to western/asian food, you can see English movies here, read English papers, use the internet, ideas of democracy and speaking up, education levels improve along with GDP, business drives Asians to study in foreign countries and learn English, meet foreigners etc, visa regulations get easier, more mobility, barriers and distrust of other races drops. The world is shrinking and fast!

Due to globalisation cultures can mix more easily, my main point is that now it could be more important as to their socio-economic level than what culture your partner is from. Perhaps one reason mixed-marriages break up more is because of this different socio-economic background, more common in SE Asia.

34

She’s not from a poor family either, but looking at the place her parents live in, I wouldn’t go as far as calling them well off. She’s been helping out getting her brother though Uni here and he’s about to ship off to the army in a month or two. She’s a hard working girl and she’s finally caught a break with this new job, but she’s still working hard, as she wants to be the best and that will hopefully help her get a better job in the future.

I make quite poor money here compared what I made at my last job in the UK, BUT, my living expenses here are about a quarter of what they were there so I shouldn’t really be complaining. I guess I’m not as concerned as you when it comes to these kind of things, I think it’s more important that you find a person that you like to be with, as at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how much your level of education is similar or how much money the two of you make, if you can’t stand eachother after six months.

With regards to my education, I left college some 14 years ago, so it might be different these days, but it’s still very possible to get a job in Sweden once you finnish college, as a lot of the college educational programs have a very pratical approach and you’re being trained into a certain job. Many of my college class mates got jobs with Volvo, Scania, ABB etc. right after college, as I was studying robotics, automated production systems and computer programming. It wasn’t really what I wanted to do in life, but it was good fun. Somehow I managed to get myself into IT journalism while living in the UK, based on self taught skills and although I’d admit I’m not the best writer in the world, I know my stuff when it comes to my line of work.

It’s all a little bit about luck and taking a chance, I didn’t really know what to expect when I moved out here and initially I was quite lost, but things tend to work out if you give them some time. I have had my fair share of sucky relationships as well, they happen, but sometimes you get to the stage where you realise that it’s not going to go any further and you have to end it. I hope things won’t go that way this time around, as I’m really crazy about this girl almost a year and a half on since we meet. Sure, we have our ups and downs, but I think this is quite normal. I get along with her parents and her brother and they’re all a really nice bunch of people. It turns out that I’m the first boyfriend that she’s ever really brought home to her parents place, which I guess means something.

I wouldn’t call my girlfriend typically Taiwanese by any means, she’s very outwards going, she has a great personality and she doesn’t mind getting a tan… We also like a lot of the same things, which I guess makes life a lot easier, but both of us are also willing to make sacrifices at times to make the other person happy, although not to the extent that one of us ends up feeling misserable. Saying that, I have attended a wedding or two too many, but at least the food was good at the last one :smiley: I’ve accepted the fact that things are done differently here, even though I don’t always like it, but I’m a guest here and I’m sure she wouldn’t care for how we do everything in Sweden. I don’t think we’ll stay in Taiwan for the rest of our lives, but right now this is a pretty good place to be.

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[quote=“netuser”]

tw.news.yahoo.com/article/url/d/ … 135ox.html

整體而言，國人和外籍配偶的離婚率為千分之二八．四，其中和外籍新郎分手的離婚率為千分之四四．七，外籍新娘為二七．二，為國人有偶人口中男性的四倍、女性的三倍之多（加上和外籍通婚案例，國人男性離婚率為千分之一一．四一，女性為千分之一一．八一）。

Divorce rate for mixed couple = 28.4 out of 1000
Divorce rate for foreign men = 44.7 out 1000
Divorce rate for foreign women = 27.3 out out 1000
Divorce rate for men (overall) = 11.41 out of 1000
Divorce rate for women (overall) = 11.81 out of 1000

I agree that marriages to foreign women may not be a good match from the start for the reasons mentioned by sandman. However, the marriages to foreign men have a even higher divorce rate. Althought the article (and related articles) mentioned about difficult marriages to a Japanese man and a Korean man, there should be a much higher percentage of the marriages to non-Asian foreign men.[/quote]

There might be another reason behind the higher divorce ratio for marriages where a foreign man is involved.

The local women married to foreign men is usually the less traditional ones, IE women more likely to take the divorce way out, in case the marriage turns sour. Coming from the west, the men are also more likely to break out of an unhappy marriage than a purely local man would, Ie divorce is still very much frowned upon here. A local woman marrying a foreigner has already shown a willingness to break out of the mould, so it should be expected that in case the relationship turned out not to work, she would be more willing to break out of it than a traditional local woman married to a local man.

That intercultural challenges might play a role makes an lot of sense, however a fair bit \of the time reasons for breaking up might not be cultural. Love and mutual understanding should mitigate if the will is there.

36

:astonished: Might make her jealous.

37

Did we ever get to the bottom of why the OP posted the question?

38

Western Man + Asian Woman = generally stable
Asian Man + Western Woman = generally unstable
ABC + Western man/woman = generally stable (varies)

Asian culture tends to produces women who fit into the range of acceptable/preferred behavior favored by western men.
Asian culture tends to not produce men who fit into the range of acceptable/preferred behavior favored by western women.
ABCs are compatible with westerners dependent on their degree of cultural hybridization.

39

One more case to put into the statistics database:

Western Female divorced from Asian Male.

Same old boring story, stewed in Taiwanese sauce.

Happy ending?

Oh yes, Western Female escaped to Korea and remade her life, and Korea is a much better fit for her! Should have done the move years ago. Lives permanently on a kimchi induced buzz that makes her smile when she walks down the street, whilst enjoying the total absence of comments like ‘ni kan wai guo ren’ or the pointing from the local population. Ahhh!

Asian Male is miserable and wonders why o why the Foreign Bride didn’t like being married to him and his omnipresent family… Mother of Asian Male is not loosing time and is already insisting on him finding a ‘good bride’ this time!