A man is returning from Switzerland by train. If he had been in a non-smoking car he would have died.
Was there a crazed, ax-wielding Phillip-Morris (now Altria) executive on the train who went beserk after the latest multi-billion dollar judgment against his company and went on a rampage, chopping everyone in the non-smoking compartments into little pieces? Did I get it? Do I win a prize? 
Where there is smoke, there is fire. The man was actually Flame from the avengers and needed to smoke to survive.
The non-smoking cars are at the back of the train, and they all fell down a ravine when an avalanche hit it.
Smoking is good for you when the train you are travelling on is involved in a head-on collision and you, as a smoker, are seated in a the last car–the smoking car.
Oooh, ooh, ooh, I missed a clue, can I guess again. He’s coming back from Switzerland where he purchased a swiss army knife whose corkscrew he is using to open a bottle of bordeaux, but he pulls too hard and accidentally punctures his aorta with the nail file which he had carelessly left open. The blood spurts from his neck and he would have died in a matter of seconds if hadn’t been for the smoker sitting next to him who cauterized the wound with his ciggie, thereby stopping the bleeding.
Haha close, but not good enough.
Ans:
The man used to be blind – he’s returning from an eye operation which restored his sight. He spent all his money on the operation, so when the train (which had no internal lighting) goes through a tunnel, he thinks he’s gone blind again and decides to kill himself. But before he could do it, he saw the light of the cigarettes people were smoking and realized he could still see.
Heres another one:
A man is driving his car. He turns on the radio, listens for five minutes, turns around, goes home, and shoots his wife.
[quote=“thechu17”]A man is driving his car. He turns on the radio, listens for five minutes, turns around, goes home, and shoots his wife.[/quote]There was an Enimem song on the radio.
[quote=“thechu17”]Haha close, but not good enough.
Ans:
The man used to be blind – he’s returning from an eye operation which restored his sight. He spent all his money on the operation, so when the train (which had no internal lighting) goes through a tunnel, he thinks he’s gone blind again and decides to kill himself. But before he could do it, he saw the light of the cigarettes people were smoking and realized he could still see.
Heres another one:
A man is driving his car. He turns on the radio, listens for five minutes, turns around, goes home, and shoots his wife.[/quote]
that is some crappy ass train. don’t think i’ve heard of trains with no lights indoors… hell not even in third-world countries. those damn swiss. they may be good at chocolate, glockenspiels and watches and hoarding other people’s gold…
i dunno. he turns on the radio to hear some gossipy channel. hears some story about his wife, some starlet, having an affair…
subliminal voices on the radio show tell him to murder his wife.
nuclear war is announced. or his entire life savings goes down with MCI, or an entire platoon in some foreign expedition is massacred, his son and only child being among the dead, so he goes home to put his wife out of misery, then shoots himself.
he was on his way to kill his wife already, he gets sidetracked, forgets momentarily, a song playing on the radio reminds him of his original task. he goes home and finishes the job.
The man is deaf. A near collision so shocks his system that he regains his hearing. He turns on the radio and hears someone tell the story of how, a month ago, a blind man, who had recently had his sight restored, nearly killed himself when the train he was riding on went through a tunnel and convinced the man he was blind again, that is, until he saw the light from a burning cigarette. The man is so inspired by the story that he decides life is too short to waste on going to work, so he drives home to make love to his wife. When he gets there, he finds her in bed with the previously blind man, smoking cigarettes. Etc.
The radio announced it was going to rain, the man went home to get an umbrella or cancelled a walk in the park outside, found his wife in bed with someone and shot her?
freddy
Ans:
The radio program is one of those shows where they call up someone at random and ask them a question. The announcer states the name and town of the man’s wife as the person he would call next. He does so, and a male voice answers. From this, he gathered his wife was having an affair.
A man goes into a restaurant, orders albatross, eats one bite, and kills himself.
I don’t understand why this is supposed to be “lateral thinking.” All the answers given are every bit as good and plausible as the ones you’re claiming to be the “correct ones.” It would be better to title the thread “Guess What I’m Thinking.” 
Here’s one: A man plants a tree, then sits down and clips his toenails.
He was making the ultimate sacrifice for the food chain, but forgot that something has to want to eat him in order for him to die.
The man chokes on an albatross bone, but refuses to receive the Heimlich maneuver from the big hairy guy at the next table because he’s got some issues ergo he kills himself by choosing pride over help.
The guy’s wife is a vegan and knows that she’d kill him if she knew he was eating meat so he decides to beat her to it.
The first bite was so good that he could die happy, so not wanting the second bite to bring him down, he did the deed.
I know the albatross one. I like these puzzles, but the problem with doing them online is you’re sposd to be able to ask loads of yes/no questions.
Brian
Very true Bu Lai En. Ok no more lateral thinking puzzles. Or no more ‘guess what Im thinking’ puzzles. 
Answer to Albatross:
The man, his wife, and a second man were in a ship that was wrecked on a desert island. The man’s wife died in the wreck. When there was no food left, the second man brought what he said was an albatross but was really part of the dead wife. Later they were rescued, and at some point, the first man decides to order albatross at a restaurant. It tastes nothing like what he was told was albatross on the island, which makes him realize he really ate his wife. Unable to cope with the realization, he kills himself.
Oh come now, thechu17, the answers to these are pretty good. How about everyone post the most inane answers you can come up with…
Here’s one:
Anthony and Cleopatra have been discovered lying dead on the floor of a villa in Egypt. Nearby is a broken bowl. There is no mark on either of their bodies and they were not poisoned. How did they die?
They were doing one of those asphyxiation sex deals, passed out and fell and cracked their heads on the floor, killing them instantly. The bowl was already broken.
That was easy.
[quote=“ImaniOU”]Here’s one:
Anthony and Cleopatra have been discovered lying dead on the floor of a villa in Egypt. Nearby is a broken bowl. There is no mark on either of their bodies and they were not poisoned. How did they die?[/quote]Anthony are Cleopatra are really space aliens from the future who crashed their bowl-shaped spaceship. Their alien healing powers cured any injuries. They died because they couldn’t breathe oxygen.