I left my TW girlfriend last year because I wanted her to find someone who loves her enough to marry her. Sounds funny doesn’t it? But I knew that I would not be marrying her because, even though I really like her and we were a pretty good fit, I searched feelings and realized I did not love her enough to marry her.
We had been together for almost two years and I thought leading her to believe we would soon get married would be deceptive and selfish on my part. She’s a great girl and we’re still good buddies (now), but she’s not going to be my wife. At first she was very upset at my honesty and I was also miserable about the the whole thing, but now she’s fine with it and realizes I was right to let her go.
However, since then I’ve had only superficial relationships almost purely for sex and haven’t found a gal anywhere nearly as good as her.
I left my TW girlfriend last year because I wanted her to find someone who loves her enough to marry her. Sounds funny doesn’t it? But I knew that I would not be marrying her because, even though I really like her and we were a pretty good fit, I searched feelings and realized I did not love her enough to marry her.
We had been together for almost two years and I thought leading her to believe we would soon get married would be deceptive and selfish on my part. She’s a great girl and we’re still good buddies (now), but she’s not going to be my wife. At first she was very upset at my honesty and I was also miserable about the the whole thing, but now she’s fine with it and realizes I was right to let her go.
However, since then I’ve had only superficial relationships almost purely for sex and haven’t found a gal anywhere nearly as good as her.
Hmmmmm [/quote]
I think thats pretty normal though right? Its hard to find someone new when you first break up because you are too picky, looking for a replacement, or you just feel jaded in general. For me that usually doesn’t last too long because I get bored and want to find a gf who i can hang out with as a friend and all that. Seems like it’s easy for you to feel you made the wrong choice at first, but like you said, there was no future in it.
Sorry but this logic is full of holes, even though the poster’s intentions are good. If anything, you’ll be pining for your American gal even more.
Aisan girls have much different dating habits and the “getting to know you” part is sometimes ridiculous. And let’s not forget the language barrier no matter how good her English is. Most Asian gals, young or old, take weeks or months to stop being coy and get on with really getting to know you.
You’ll have to make your decision without having any thoughts of replacing your American girl with a Taiwanese girl, unless that’s what you want to do from the start. And you might not even like it here. Unbelievably, some people don’t.
Come here for the job, get to know your fellow expats, and then find a gal.
Sorry but this logic is full of holes, even though the poster’s intentions are good. If anything, you’ll be pining for your American gal even more.
Aisan girls have much different dating habits and the “getting to know you” part is sometimes ridiculous. And let’s not forget the language barrier no matter how good her English is. Most Asian gals, young or old, take weeks or months to stop being coy and get on with really getting to know you.
You’ll have to make your decision without having any thoughts of replacing your American girl with a Taiwanese girl, unless that’s what you want to do from the start. And you might not even like it here. Unbelievably, some people don’t.
Come here for the job, get to know your fellow expats, and then find a gal.[/quote]
The OP is dating an Taiwanese girl IN AMERICA. Maybe you should re-read the OP.
Sorry but this logic is full of holes, even though the poster’s intentions are good. If anything, you’ll be pining for your American gal even more.
Aisan girls have much different dating habits and the “getting to know you” part is sometimes ridiculous. And let’s not forget the language barrier no matter how good her English is. Most Asian gals, young or old, take weeks or months to stop being coy and get on with really getting to know you.
You’ll have to make your decision without having any thoughts of replacing your American girl with a Taiwanese girl, unless that’s what you want to do from the start. And you might not even like it here. Unbelievably, some people don’t.
Come here for the job, get to know your fellow expats, and then find a gal.[/quote]
The OP is dating an Taiwanese girl IN AMERICA. Maybe you should re-read the OP.[/quote]
Yeah - this is actually my second girlfriend who is Taiwanese. The first had come here at age 16 and we started dating in college so she was somewhat americanized in a lot of ways. My current gf is 22 and just arrived here this summer for grad school.
I’m 23, I don’t have any debts, or responsibilities to worry about. I was living with my gf during college, now I’m living with my dad and driving my moms old car, working 40 hours a week and saving up just about all my money in the hopes of moving to Taiwan eventually. Before I met the gf I was hoping to go this summer (august) or this winter (dec 07 - jan 08). But if I want to stay with her I’d have to stay here a while longer since she has to go through school and get some work experience.
I guess I feel I should continue saving up, keep going out with her and when the summer and winter come, I’ll assess the situation and see if I’m ready to go or if I want to stay. I just feel rotten about planning this way of thinking…
Sorry but this logic is full of holes, even though the poster’s intentions are good. If anything, you’ll be pining for your American gal even more.
Aisan girls have much different dating habits and the “getting to know you” part is sometimes ridiculous. And let’s not forget the language barrier no matter how good her English is. Most Asian gals, young or old, take weeks or months to stop being coy and get on with really getting to know you.
You’ll have to make your decision without having any thoughts of replacing your American girl with a Taiwanese girl, unless that’s what you want to do from the start. And you might not even like it here. Unbelievably, some people don’t.
Come here for the job, get to know your fellow expats, and then find a gal.[/quote]
The OP is dating an Taiwanese girl IN AMERICA. Maybe you should re-read the OP.[/quote]
OOPS! Guess I’ve got egg on my face.
Either way, she’s Taiwanese in the United States and all that goes with it, meaning it’s not Taiwan and because of that, the scenario is much different from meeting and dating a TW gal in Taiwan.
But after reading the OP’s latest post, it seems as though he has thought this thing through, at least more than others do.
I’ll never forget arriving in Taiwan from Korea and immediately comparing these gals with Korean gals and beginning to date.
[quote=
It’s so cute that you think like that now![/quote]
{JDsmith}
I think you are jaded. You are a wondeful poster but I think you should be the posterboy for not getting married. (seems to be a common thread with u).
I believe it is a big step to move to another country but you have to be secure with yourself and “know” that you are going to make it work. I figure, I am going to move to Taiwan and hate it. I might ask myself why I left the girls and the job. I will make it work. Move to Taiwan if you are thinking about it. Don’t hold yourself back for anyone. If the island is calling you. I will help you out (after I move) and I am sure others will too.
Everyone seems to agree that a short term relationship is not worth giving up a big opportunity to travel, get a better job, or some other self-improving experience. I have only been dating my current GF since Christmas, so here are my options:
Leave for Taiwan this Summer, or Winter, by myself. This will result in a breakup with the GF.
Stay in the US with my GF for 2 more years, then go to Taiwan.
Stay in the US at my current job, get promoted, stay in the US while my GF goes back to Taiwan.
What I’d really like is if my GF and I could both go back together this summer but theres no way thats happening- she needs to finish school - its her own self improvement plan that she is following, just like I feel I need to do.
It just sucks when you want two different things that contradict.
I guess I’m not really expecting some amazing advice or anything - just feel like talking about this stuff- thanks!
[quote=“Ian_Alexander”]Everyone seems to agree that a short term relationship is not worth giving up a big opportunity to travel, get a better job, or some other self-improving experience. I have only been dating my current GF since Christmas, so here are my options:
Leave for Taiwan this Summer, or Winter, by myself. This will result in a breakup with the GF.
Stay in the US with my GF for 2 more years, then go to Taiwan.
Stay in the US at my current job, get promoted, stay in the US while my GF goes back to Taiwan.
What I’d really like is if my GF and I could both go back together this summer but theres no way thats happening- she needs to finish school - its her own self improvement plan that she is following, just like I feel I need to do.
It just sucks when you want two different things that contradict.
I guess I’m not really expecting some amazing advice or anything - just feel like talking about this stuff- thanks![/quote]
[quote=“housecat”][quote=“Ian_Alexander”]Everyone seems to agree that a short term relationship is not worth giving up a big opportunity to travel, get a better job, or some other self-improving experience. I have only been dating my current GF since Christmas, so here are my options:
Leave for Taiwan this Summer, or Winter, by myself. This will result in a breakup with the GF.
Stay in the US with my GF for 2 more years, then go to Taiwan.
Stay in the US at my current job, get promoted, stay in the US while my GF goes back to Taiwan.
What I’d really like is if my GF and I could both go back together this summer but theres no way thats happening- she needs to finish school - its her own self improvement plan that she is following, just like I feel I need to do.
It just sucks when you want two different things that contradict.
I guess I’m not really expecting some amazing advice or anything - just feel like talking about this stuff- thanks![/quote]
If it’s right, the timing has to be right, too.[/quote]
It really sucks - her birthday is this weekend so I am just going to try to make that really fun for her. I guess we both know now that things won’t work out in the long run but we can ignore that for now and have fun. I mean its not like I want to find another girl here before I leave, and I dont think she is in a rush to find a guy either. I hope we can enjoy our time together until we need to split up - but maybe she will feel too sad and want to break up right away - I don’t know.
My only advice to you is to explore your independence. I can only say that because I am a very independent person, and I love it. I only have to worry about myself and what I want in life.
I have travelled to Taiwan 3 times now. Once a year since '05, and I will return in Sept. '07 for my fourth trip.
I keep returning because I love it. I love the people, the food, the museums, the temples, the hugeness of the bustling city, the incredibly gorgeous women, the noise, the bustle, the anticipation of what is around the next corner, the sub-tropical environment and its’ accompanying flora and fauna, the fact that I am on the other side of the globe, the language (which I struggle with but get better each year), actually I love it all.
Live your life for you. You can break up, but don’t feel you have to cling to someone else right away to be a full person. Enjoy yourself. Explore life on your own. After all, the only one we can truly depend on is ourselves.
This is my view, as a habitual loner, single, and happy. Try it. You’ll learn more about yourself from yourself than you will from someone else.
Best to you, and enjoy Taiwan for all its’ beauty and character and charm. Oh, and don’t forget to try the cho dofu.
If there’s any doubt in your mind that she ain’t the girl for you - then she ain’t the girl.
True love means loving her no matter what. I don’t believe in true love. I believe that there are many different girls or guys that you could go for, and be very happy with. No such thing as “true” love. There’s many kinds of love.
Haha, sorry to tell you but I am seriously allergic to legumes - this includes dofu. And before anyone asks - Its only the proteins that get me so I can still have Soy Sauce and I can pick the bean sprouts out of my food without getting sick.
After dating a couple girls for a couple years I have to agree. There are plenty of compatible people and we have to look for the most compatible, I don’t think you can get someone who is 100% compatible, and if they seem to be maybe that will make you feel bored.
The only thing you seemed to see in my last thread was about the cho dofu. This was only in passing.
Seriously, try to see things from the eyes of an Independent person. Try to let go of your Codependent ways for at least a brief period.
The main point of my last thread was not about cho dofu (though I do love it). It was about encouraging you to explore life on your own, as an individual for awhile.
You stated that you hate being alone. That may be true. But try going it alone just to see what you can learn about life and about yourself from your own perspective.
Get out there and see what the world has to offer. Try doing it by yourself. Try being single, alone, one.
It’s not that bad. It’s quite fun, and invigorating actually.
You’re too young, and have too much living ahead of you to think you always have to have someone by your side to enjoy life.
Now get your ass out there and feel life. Your life.
The only thing you seemed to see in my last thread was about the cho dofu. This was only in passing.
Seriously, try to see things from the eyes of an Independent person. Try to let go of your Codependent ways for at least a brief period.
The main point of my last thread was not about cho dofu (though I do love it). It was about encouraging you to explore life on your own, as an individual for awhile.
You stated that you hate being alone. That may be true. But try going it alone just to see what you can learn about life and about yourself from your own perspective.
Get out there and see what the world has to offer. Try doing it by yourself. Try being single, alone, one.
It’s not that bad. It’s quite fun, and invigorating actually.
You’re too young, and have too much living ahead of you to think you always have to have someone by your side to enjoy life.
Now get your ass out there and feel life. Your life.
JM[/quote]
Haha - actually I did think u made a good post, and this one too. I know I need to be more independent but, well, its just not my comfortable nature so I have to work on it, and I know it’ll be good for me, and probably a lot less difficult than I make it out to be.
Relish the self for awhile. You just might like it. Companions are great, but to just enjoy life on your own, with only your schedule, your preferences, your desires, your whims,…it’s great too.
Companionship will show itself when you are ready to be a part of an equation. Try walking in your own shoes for a good spell. The number one is fun too. You are in control, you are the one deciding what is best for you at any given moment in time.
It’s time to learn about Ian for Ian.
Maybe it’s just me, but being independent is superb. I have been part of a couple, and that was great too, but I never learned so much about me and what I want in life as I did while being single. Single and able. Single and free. Single and eyes wide open.
