Hmm… That certainly adds an interesting wrinkle to the question doesn’t it?
Is the application for divorce irrevocable, or can you withdraw your request at any time during those two years?
What if their spouse is missing and presumed dead, but they have to wait the prescribed seven years before the spouse can be declared dead in the eyes of the law?
It’s not always as simple as “if they are married then they should be off-limits” because it’s not as easy to get a divorce if the other person makes it difficult.
You can’t really expect someone to avoid relationships for what could be years, can you?
[quote=“Hobbes”]…Perhaps I’m reading these posts wrong. [color=green]914[/color], [color=darkred]sandman[/color]: when you say [color=green]“If you love me, you will sign that divorce paper and face the music”[/color] and [color=darkred]“If you truly love someone, you’ll find SOME way of freeing yourself from a bad marriage”[/color] are you just saying that you shouldn’t have sex with someone until they get divorced? Is even sex okay as long as you put a time limit on the affair (“Get a divorce within 6 months or I’m outta here”)?
Neither of these sounds like a very “old-fashioned” position, and neither of them sounds like “off limits” truly means OFF limits.
Perhaps if the married person falls in love with you “at first sight”, or if you are a platonic friend of the married person… But this seems like an unlikely interpretation of what you were saying, since it would not apply to the vast majority of cases (i.e. few married people are likely to contemplate leaving their spouse in order to get together with someone they have no reason to believe loves them in return.) Absent these rare circumstances, what it sounds like both of you are saying is [color=blue]“No, married people are not off limits. But I’m only willing to go so far until the married man/woman agrees to get a divorce.”[/color]
Am I reading you wrong?[/quote]
Hi Hobbes,
I see what you are saying. Rereading my first post carefully, I can see what you mean. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.
Say we both like each other. Even though I like you, I will not act on those feelings because you are married. So by “off limits” I mean it in the strictest physical sense. After all, how can there be “love” if there are no “feelings?”
[quote=“Mother Theresa”]
I was correct that their marriage was over. She had no intention of reuniting with him and eventually they did divorce. But what I didn’t realize was that, despite his neandrethal behavior, he somehow stupidly believed there was still some hope. I found that out one day when we walked out of my house and he was there in the street, furious, red in the face, pissed off that I was screwing his wife, and wanting to fight. I felt terrible. I honestly did not expect such a reaction. I had no idea he was following us and I honestly did not believe he still cared about her. But I was wrong. Somehow I was able to avoid a fight and I then backed out of that relationship as gracefully as I could. [/quote]
Im old fashioned…Married,seperated,etc. No divorce papers, no love. End of story. Marriage has many conatations in people’s minds, carrying alot of weight. It’s a major milestone in our lives, where we placed a lot of our expectations on them. So, if a seperated man came to me talking about ‘he was in the process’ blah blah blah, i would be like get back to me on the relationship thing when it’s final. Cause even in that period, people can have second thoughts. If i have learned anything, it’s when a man has a history with a woman, that woman is gonna take precedence until he has declared it to be over.
MT, sorry but that guy didn’t really love her, sounds more like that was still ‘his’ until someone declared otherwise and he wasn’t havin it until the fat lady sung on that one…
i agree that if a person is married, whether its loveless etc that they are off limits. if its loveless then they should get out of it or stop complaining. if the person is going through seperation, i dont think its a problem. these things take time to finalize, so why should someone suffer even more. chances are they got divorced because things werent working out with thier spouse. so then when they finally do something about it, get a divorce, they are to be punished further by being off limits because the paperwork hasnt come through yet even if they have found someone good to be with? for example, what if its a woman getting a divorce from a man because he abused her. so now she has to wait months, or years to be with someone else because he doesnt want to sign the papers? i suppose there is always the chance the person could get back together with their ex during the seperation process, but that doesnt seem to happen too often. there is a chance they could chose to be with someone else instead. think of it as the same situation as if they werent married. when a non married couple breaks up, thats it. no need to get paperwork to tell the world its over. so then why is it that a married person should be off limits when the relationship is done?
[quote=“914”]I see what you are saying. Rereading my first post carefully, I can see what you mean. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.
Say we both like each other. Even though I like you, I will not act on those feelings because you are married. So by “off limits” I mean it in the strictest physical sense. After all, how can there be “love” if there are no “feelings?”[/quote]
Yeah, it is possible I was looking at it as being a little more black and white than it really is. There is probably a grey area where two people can feel some kind of “spark” that remains unspoken and un-acted-upon. This is probably the area that you are talking about where you would say “Okay. Let’s just stop right here until you get a divorce.”
Some of the exceptional cases raised by Iris (divorce takes 2 years to go through in Germany) or Omni (the Tom Hanks/“Castaway” scenario) do complicate the picture though. To me, their scenarios get at the question: “Do I follow the letter of the rule, or the spirit of it?” In my opinion, these cases are much more difficult.
Trust best is I am not adding anything to this topic! 
saying naught you say so much 
Off limits? No, and here is why. If that person is in a love-less marriage and has been seperated for an amount of time, why wouldn’t it be ok? If there was a chance of him getting back with his wife it would of happened. You can’t punish someone for a mistake they made in their life and not give them the chance to find another love. If you got caught doing something bad such as stealing a candy bar when you were 7, got arrested and it was put on your record thereby preventing you from getting a job or getting in a school you want would that be fair? Don’t persecute people for mistakes they made in the past without giving them a chance to redeem themselves. If people never got that chance how many of you would be in Taiwan right now?
Off limits… oh yeah…
Just wait until the husband has you photographed in bed together.
There are laws against adultary here. So regardless of being separated… the law’s on his side if he sends out some goons to get you busted.
here is something along the same lines. what if the person is in a relationship, not married just seeing someone. personally iam totally against it, cheating is cheating. i wouldnt get involved with someone who is in a relationship, or cheat on someone iam with. however there are lots out there with out the same sense of morals. just this weekend i met some girl who spent many hours that night with me leading me on, never once letting on she had a bf till much later. if you are in a relationship whether you are happy or not, you shouldnt be feeling up someone else and leading them on. its wrong to lead someone on and its wrong to be doing things like that if you are seeing someone, even if you are unhappy with them. treat others as you would want to be treated.