Life Sentence on the Rock

Taiwan Living in Taiwan
1

Damn! I just had a sobering realization this morning that maybe I’m here for life, or at least till retirement. Not some silly joking around realization, but a real, honest, heart-stopping one.

Like everyone, when I arrived here I figured maybe it would last a year or two. But time went by, I got married, had a child, and now – in a flash – it’s been 11 years. At least twice I’ve made serious efforts to return to the States. Maybe 6 or 7 years ago I sent off 100 resumes to potential employers from San Diego to Seattle and out to Boulder, Colorado, followed up with a flight back there and a handful of interviews. Not an offer. A few more years passed, I made other furtive efforts, but I’m still here.

Recently I’ve been getting the itch again to return, because my parents are 81 years old, and just because California is beautiful notwithstanding all its problems so I’m keen to give it another try. So I contacted a headhunter in California who specializes in exactly my field and specialties and this morning we had a chat on the phone. No surprise (I read the news and know the US economy, California budget, unemployment, etc are all disastrous), but she didn’t paint a pretty picture. Very competitive job market she said. Lots of very good candidates trying to land better positions.

As for me – no one wants to hire someone with 20 years experience, she said. They’re afraid I’ll want too much money. And living in Taiwan – they’ll want to see committment. At least I’ll need to fly over for some interviews, but maybe I’ll need to move back without work and then seek a job. Acckkkk! (No way I’ll do that.) Anyway, she’ll try to help me out, she says my best odds may be with a company with close ties to Taiwan (duh). But it seemed clear I shouldn’t be holding my breath.

Then I spoke with my wife. She told me to just quit dreaming, to accept my lot in Taiwan. She said I’m a potted plant and am afraid to actually plant myself in Taiwan and let my roots grow. Not true, I countered, I’m very happy here, I enjoy life in the present moment; I’m just trying to explore, on the side, the possibility of returning to the States. I told her I’ll do my best not to get overly excited about returning, not to yank her expectations up and down, but this is like a side hobby for me: working towards a potential return some day.

But after the two discussions I started feeling maybe my wife’s right. 50 years old, 20 years work experience, 11 years outside the US – what are the odds someone would want to hire me back in the States? Wouldn’t they vastly prefer a 35 year old with 10 years relevant experience right there where the job is located? Of course they would. Maybe I should stop dreaming of an impossible escape and embrace and accept Taiwan.

I’m not down, I’m not blue, but I’ve just had this strange feeling this morning that – DAMN – I don’t know how that happened, I never expected it, but my 1 or 2 year visit first turned into 5 years, then 10 years, and now it really IS possible, or perhaps likely, it may be a life sentence. Weird. Nothing against Taiwan, but there’s nothing spectacular about this place. It’s not Sweden, or Switzerland, or Paris or, hell I don’t know. It just seems so random and arbitrary and odd to come here for a short stay and end up trapped for life. :idunno:

I take it a bunch of you probably feel similarly.

2

I feel the same way that you did when you came. And I’m trying my best to count to 1, 2, 3 years and move on.

3

No. You are alone. :neutral:

Actually, I know what you’re talkin’ about. The first time I came to Taiwan was as a tourist, and I couldn’t help comparing Taiwan unfavorably to some other countries in Asia . . . but that was through the eyes of a tourist.

I’ve also been here much longer than I had originally planned. I also love California, and if things had been a little different, I might have settled down there. Now, like you, I am old and unwanted. Thankfully, we still have our good wives, kids, and jobs that allow us a good life.

Have you checked out the Flora Expo? It’s not Yosemite, but still . . .

4

Well MT, somewhere around 10 years is where most people make the decision that they are going to leave or be in Taiwan for the long term. If it turns out that the decision is to stay in Taiwan, I think that after a while, you will find that you are allowing yourself to put those roots down and that you will focus on being here without the distractions of thinking about leaving.

But yes, I think you are coming to the point where you will be making that decision. Most people just have it made for them. It’s good that your are thinking about it.

It was right around 10 years that I realized:

  1. I’m really enjoying life here (I hadn’t always), and
  2. I’m probably not going to leave anytime soon.

It gave me a new perspective on Taiwan. I started thinking of it as home rather than as a place I was just staying in ‘for a while’.

5

I know we discussed this before, but start own business and build it up into a vehicle for moving back?

6

The same thought occurred to me this morning. Will definitely consider it further. :slight_smile:

7

I think Feiren is correct that the problem is you don’t feel this place is home. But being stuck here you look for external reasons why you don’t want to settle: it isn’t spectacular enough, it isn’t special. All of which are highly subjective statements which don’t really matter. I lived in Banff in the Rocky Mountains for 2 years. About as beautiful an area as you can get but it isn’t home and never will be. Spent time every year growing up in California and even lived in the San Bernadino mountains for 6 months in my late 20s. California isn’t home, and while it may seem blasphemous to you, isn’t at all special to me either. :wink:

Three places have felt like home: Vancouver, the Yukon and Taiwan. I am happy to consider living in any of those.

I think you have to accept that your working life is here, but you will retire in California. So just make the best of things knowing that at least your end days (decades) will be spent somewhere you truly love.

Either way, chin up.

8

There’s a good support network here of people who have done it either part time or full time at your disposal if you want people to talk to. The group has more than happy to help each other, from what I’ve seen in experience.

9

The ROC isn’t a prison it’s a launching pad. I’ve been able to visit most areas of the world because of my salary and life style in Taiwan. I’m living a stone’s throw from the largest economy in the world in a place that likes foreigners and is relatively safe and honest. If I want more cash, my resume is going in the other direction not to broke-ass California. I don’t want to live in China it’s even more fucked up than California. I want to live here where there are beaches, hot springs and decent food.
I’ve got friends from all over the world who are interested in many different fields and have so many varied experiences. I’ve stopped thinking about swimming back to shore long ago.
Eyes to the horizon, nose to the wind.

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Thanks mabagal. I’ll consider that, too.

Mucha Man, I suppose my inability to fully relax, let my roots grow deep in Taiwan and accept it as my home for another 10 years without hope of moving back to the States in that time stems partly from the fact that (a) if I ever hope to return to working in the US I’d better do so now, because the longer I wait the more impossible it will become and (b) I’ve always been slow to accept committment, having first married at age 40. Besides, I still have a storage locker back in the States waiting for me; isn’t that proof I’m destined to return?

11

Like you, I came to Taiwan for the short term – 6 mos, initially. Like you, 10 years in – married and kids – it suddenly hit me that I had turned into a lifer without my ever having made a conscious decision about it. It left me with a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach – something between mild panic and mere anxiety – am I doomed to live out the rest of my days here, kind of thing.

Now, 12 years even further on, I am happy to be here. I made a few trips back to the States in the meantime, and from what I saw and felt I really have no desire to make a permanent move back (it’s a great place to visit… ). As someone pointed out, above, your perspective kind of changes once you get over the initial gulp, and you come to appreciate what you have here, rather than pine for what you think you are missing over there. In my experience, it’s never as good as the way you remember it, anyway – especially after something like 10 years.

Living here, I have managed to have a wonderful family, buy a house, save enough for my retirement, live more than comfortably, travel to interesting places, etc – none of which I ever came close to doing when I was living back in the States.

12

I’d rate this as a maybe, sir. Actually, waiting a couple of years may not be a bad idea, however, my gut feeling is that a lot of those jobs gone up in smoke are not coming back. But I related to your dilemma, MT, with a mile-long list of what I miss about SFCA. My folks are the same age as yours and I’ve come to realize that aside from the one-week-a-year visit, one of these times I’m coming back for a funeral. But I guess it depends on how close you are to them. Me, not so close. At any rate, it took me three years to realize (read: accept) that I may never live in the U.S. again.

I like to say (1)if I hadn’t waited until 2010 to get married, I’d already be divorced (a couple of times) by now, and the one that makes Ms. super_lucky happy (2) it took me 40 years to find a woman who I wanted to marry.

Yeah, to clean it out and get rid of whatever is in there (since you obviously don’t need it) and ship the rest back to Taiwan. I got me a U-haul storage room in the Mission and it fucking kills me that I’m wasting $100 every month. And this coming spring I’m going to do what I just mentioned.

Meanwhile, I was thinking about your sitch (read: my wife and I were talking about the kid, in our case, we’re still in the conception stage) and maybe it’s something you could consider. My lot is cast in the Philippines, which is where I’ll retire, and pretty damn stoked about it, too. But I also know at some point, the kid is going to graduate H.S. and go to college whether he/she likes it or not, and since I’m paying for it, why wouldn’t they? I strongly believe that the kid should spend at least one year at a North American university, if not all four or five or however long it takes him. However, there’s no way in hell I’m sending him over there alone. My wife has no intention of ever living in the U.S. but she’s onboard with the plan. So come 2028-29-ish, me and the kid will go live in the U.S. – and you can bet I’m already lobbying for a California university! He/she will go to college and I’ll get my medical marijuana card and everybody will be happy.

I gotta say, I love Taiwan, but I’m on borrowed time here. In line other posts, this isn’t home and never will be.

13

Your wife is correct, quit thinking. I havent even visited the country I was raised in for nearly 14 years, let alone lived there fo so long I cant remember where it is anymore. I have visited Australia for a total of less than 8 weeks from leaving for Taiwan in 1988 - 1997 and havent been back since.

22 years in Taiwan and doing fine for me. First 25 years in Australia last 25 years in Asia.

Now all you have to do is renounce your US Citizenship and become a citizen here. Then you will know you are a lifer. :smiley: :smiley:

14

Do you know anyone that’s done something like that, Satellite TV?

15

Do you know anyone that’s done something like that, Satellite TV?[/quote]

Yes I know a lot of people who have done it, plus many more that are currently in processing.

16

[quote=“Mother Theresa”]I’m not down, I’m not blue, but I’ve just had this strange feeling this morning that – DAMN – I don’t know how that happened, I never expected it, but my 1 or 2 year visit first turned into 5 years, then 10 years, and now it really IS possible, or perhaps likely, it may be a life sentence. Weird. [color=#FF0000]Nothing against Taiwan, but there’s nothing spectacular about this place. It’s not Sweden, or Switzerland, or Paris or, hell I don’t know. It just seems so random and arbitrary and odd to come here for a short stay and end up trapped for life.[/color] :idunno:

I take it a bunch of you probably feel similarly.[/quote]
I know what you mean. It’s like when you’re a teenager and you think that by 30 you’ll be a millionaire married to a supermodel. Then one day you wake up and you’re lying next to a rather plain looking bird, with a mortgage and car payments. And the odd thing is you’re happy, even though she isn’t, well Halle Berry, and you don’t drive a Ferrari.
Sometimes life works out in strange ways that you would never have guessed at, but as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters. It’s only if you’re unhappy that it’s a problem.

17

That’s what EYE’M talking about.

18

Yowzers - try living in Taiwan and moving on and then wishing you were back there but there is absolutely zero work for a foreigner in your field in Taiwan.

I hope to retire in Taiwan, and would be happy not to go back to the UK at all. We will go for 3 years when Junior is 15 so he gets his university at local rates and then we’ll high tail it back to the South of Taiwan and kick back and relax. :slight_smile:

19

im the opposite , im stuck in california and i want to get back to the rock…its not that its terrible here, but…not a day goes by I dont think of the rock…and i fear i may be facing a life sentence here! So there. Same shit, different bottle.

20

[quote=“bismarck”][quote=“Mother Theresa”]I’m not down, I’m not blue, but I’ve just had this strange feeling this morning that – DAMN – I don’t know how that happened, I never expected it, but my 1 or 2 year visit first turned into 5 years, then 10 years, and now it really IS possible, or perhaps likely, it may be a life sentence. Weird. [color=#FF0000]Nothing against Taiwan, but there’s nothing spectacular about this place. It’s not Sweden, or Switzerland, or Paris or, hell I don’t know. It just seems so random and arbitrary and odd to come here for a short stay and end up trapped for life.[/color] :idunno:

I take it a bunch of you probably feel similarly.[/quote]
I know what you mean. It’s like when you’re a teenager and you think that by 30 you’ll be a millionaire married to a supermodel. Then one day you wake up and you’re lying next to a rather plain looking bird, with a mortgage and car payments. And the odd thing is you’re happy, even though she isn’t, well Halle Berry, and you don’t drive a Ferrari.
Sometimes life works out in strange ways that you would never have guessed at, but as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters. It’s only if you’re unhappy that it’s a problem.[/quote]

You could do worse. You could just wake up next to your cat. But at least you woke up, thats always a plus really. :slight_smile: