Living with your girlfriends family

[quote=“Elegua”][quote=“Lappy”][color=#0040FF]Hi everyone, hope you guys are enjoying Taiwan as much as I am. :sunglasses:
Seeing that this is my first post on the forum since I joined, I thought I should make it count.[/color]
[color=#FF4080]Background:[/color]
[color=#0040FF]I’m a European in my mid-twenties that just moved to Taiwan (7 months ago), to live with my girlfriend’s family while I learn Mandarin. :slight_smile:
I’m from one of those cold countries in the north where you try to stay as far away from your own family that is physically possible (I moved out when I was 17). :eh:
I grew up on the countryside (my village had about 75 people in it). :astonished:
Keep this in mind as I get started on how it is to live in an “average” Taiwanese family in Taipei County.[/color]
[color=#FF4080]First impression counts:[/color]
[color=#0040FF]My GF gave me two rules before I got here, ‘eat everything they put in front of you’ and ‘look happy’. These has been two of the best advice I have ever had, anyone can get accepted in any Taiwanese family by just following these 2. But there are still a few things to get used to besides these.[/color]
[color=#FF4080]Day to day matters:[/color]
[color=#0040FF]*While you are off to school or work your room will be cleaned and your laundry will be done for you, which is great just remember, do Not leave anything incriminating out in your room. You will have your own room, don’t even think about sharing one with your GF until after you get married in fact be happy if you even get to live in the same apartment. :s
*Food is served at regular times, make sure to make those times or you need to tell them in advance that you will miss one, my tip be hungry. :neutral:
*Grandma rules the house, (if she is the oldest one) she gets her way, always, not much point in trying to argue, you’ll just get in trouble for trying. :no-no:
*If you are unlucky enough to have kids in the house (I got 4 under the age of 3 here) buy earplugs and watch where you step. (This is where the separate rooms come in handy, have a couple of kids screaming in the apartment, and you no longer want to produce any yourself). :cry:
*Never ever again sleep in the buff [nude], everyone has access to all places in the house, without knocking, also there might be an earthquake in the future where you have to run out of the room fast (I have to admit I have still do not understand why I have to run out of my room incase of an earthquake???). :no-no:
*Great activities to do during the day while you are staying away from the apartment, coffee shops, (you can spend hours there drinking coffee and watching people walk past…), shopping, go to a bookstore find a book you like sit down on the floor and read the whole thing time will fly past, you don’t even need to buy it. (Just make sure that there are already people in the store doing this…)
*Driving, don’t do it. (No more needs to be said on this topic.) :ponder:
*Being a passenger, here is an interesting one; if you are in the back seat the driver will be offended if you put on the safety belt.[/color]

[color=#0040FF]That being said, living with her family is survivable if you have a favorite hideout (preferably one that serves beer) outside of the apartment.
If you have any tips for me feel free to post them here :smiley: [/color][/quote]

Don’t forget to send us 囍貼 when its time; 'cause that what living with family, even in a separate room means.[/quote]

Yep, that is right, you better start checking the price of china and find a nice sugar cane and red ribbons to attach on your car or motobike

And if you’re living there already before you’re married, don’t hold onto that hope of moving out after the banquet! Ha! You’ll be raising your own kids in that house. Speaking of that, how’s it working out learning Chinese with ear plugs in?

Does her family run a duck farm by chance?

Thanks for your support guys, although I have to admit I don’t quite understand the duck farm comment… :eh:
Also I’m sure that every angle of driving in Taipei has been discussed at least 10 times within this forum, so no matter what I say on that topic I will not be able to change anybody’s mind… It is one of those dead topics to discuss where both sides have their firm believs and nothing will be able to change it, like religion, politics or who should really win the soccer world championship…

[quote=“Lappy”] although I have to admit I don’t quite understand the duck farm comment… :eh:
[/quote]
Ever hear of the “search” function?
search.php?keywords=Duck+farm&terms=all&author=&sc=1&sf=all&sk=t&sd=d&sr=posts&st=0&ch=300&t=0&submit=Search

or go to this thread
viewtopic.php?f=92&t=43378&hilit=duck+farm

Lol, OMG
So does anyone know how it went for him in Kaoshong???
Did he make it there???
Is he still there???
Most importantly: Does the members of forumosa have a discount on ducks???

Ha, I know 3 other dudes, 4 including me, who are no longer with the girl after living at the in-laws. I wish I didn’t live there when I first came over, things may have worked out differently, but it seemed the right thing to do at the time. I moved out of the in-laws and took my son with me when my wife/ex-wife now said she was going back to Australia to study. Oh, she is Taiwanese and she wanted me to just give up my job that I had worked so hard to work my way up to a good position with a comfortable salary and follow her. I said no as I already had given up what I had built in Australia to go to Taiwan to be with her and now she wants me to do it again. So she left for Australia and I left the in-laws who have never bothered to come see their grandson in more than 7 years now, even though we live less than 10km away. No calls, nothing for Chinese New Year or birthdays… I guess they were pissed now that they weren’t getting the NT$20,000 a month that my wife said we had to pay her parents to babysit our son on top of the NT$15,000 we were paying for rent at ther place. I moved out into a nicer 2 bedroom apartment that I could call my own and have full run of for NT$11,000 and I had a work friend’s mom who was also babysitting her granddaughter at the time babysit my boy for NT$9000 and month. So by moving out I was feeling much more comfortable in my own place and saving NT$15,000 a month, too.
With the other dudes I know, 2 of them were pretty simple break ups and the dude just left, but the other one was even a worse story than mine, It had a kid involved too and the family even held him prisoner, locked in the apartment for 4 days, but he managed to escape and hid out in a hotel for a couple of days before he came into work and asked me to help him. I just gave him the name of my divorce lawyer who worked wonders for me.

But anyway, thinking back and if I had to do it again, I probably would have stayed at the inlaws again upon arriving to Taiwan just for convenience sake, but then would have also been checking things out get my own place as soon as possible. A couple of the biggest draw backs I feel were that, even though I was studying Chinese, I didn’t do very well as I could always rely on the Mrs to take care of the talking no matter where we went, and I had fewer friends (foreign friends) as compared to my work mates as I always went home straight after work to see the Mrs and then would spend time with her also on weekends, not necessarily a bad thing, but all my work mates would be going out and having fun together. I would get stuck at family meals which were pretty boring as no one could speak English except my Mrs and my Chinese wasn’t that good at the time. When I finally left to be by myself after 3 years there, I felt like I had just arrived in the country again and was pretty helpless at doing stuff without help. So that was a quick learning curve, so I was thinking, I should have just lived by myself when I had first come here and maybe things would have worked out differently… but things are OK now.

:roflmao: Same thought ran across my mind when I read the title.

Dont live with her parents if you can help it . Be a man.

Living with your girlfriend’s family? That is sooooo wrong on so many levels…

I just have to ask why?

When I first visited Taiwan, my GF’s parents just accepted me how I am - a white guy having no idea of this culture…
I cant really talk with them because they dont speak English. But they have always been kind to me.
When I lived there, her father took a day off and showed me all around Taiwan. (I stayed there for about 2 months)

Last Chinese New Year her grandparents insisted on giving me a red envelope :astonished: (although they’re not really wealthy) - I really didnt know how to react. Feeling a bit strange about that, but hey… noone ever talked about marriage / any ‘obligations’ :slight_smile:

Am I just being lucky?

Last Chinese New Year her grandparents insisted on giving me a red envelope :astonished: (although they’re not really wealthy) - I really didnt know how to react. Feeling a bit strange about that, but hey… noone ever talked about marriage / any ‘obligations’ :slight_smile:

Am I just being lucky?[/quote]

some old people would give you a red envelope to see how you’d react. in most of the case, if u r old enough and you work, you shouldn’t take it. kids give their parents red envelopes after they start to make $$$…

but if they are nice, why not take the money :laughing:

I just have to ask why?[/quote]

Because it makes you utterly dependant on the family in an unhealthy way ?

[quote=“mimiwawa”]

some old people would give you a red envelope to see how you’d react. in most of the case, if u r old enough and you work, you shouldn’t take it. kids give their parents red envelopes after they start to make $$$…

but if they are nice, why not take the money :laughing:[/quote]
Thanks for your comment on this. Well, I dont have an income, Im a university student. I refused it a few times because I dont really need it but … eventually accepted.

@Frenchguy:
dependant? ok maybe, but at least in my case I could have moved out any time to stay at a cheap hotel (as I was there for some WEEKS, not months), and I did that a few times when travelling around.
My point was just that not allTaiwanese parents are ‘control-freaks’ / over-caring of her daughter.

As you say, you are in a different case than the OP. When visiting the in-laws it is OK to stay there. But living with them 24/24 just isn’t.

Then it’s not wrong, it’s evil.

BZZT wrong answer :doh:

You are supposed to take the envelope, store it away somewhere, then at the next opportunity give back the money or preferably a bit more. Rinse and repeat. Red envelopes are lucky, dontcha know?? :discodance: