Long distance relationship

My bf and I have known each other for an year and we’ve been living together for 6 7 months in the U.S. Lately I came back to Taiwan due to the visa expiration. And I’ve found a pretty good job here.
Actually I planned to go for advanced study next fall, but now I am kind of changing my mind. Since I already got a bachelor degree in Taiwan and I enjoy working more than studying. But once I focus on working, we can’t meet as often as before…(I was in airline before so we could meet up once in a while, but in this job I probably can only take a few days off every 3-4 months) And he also gets good pay there so it’s not possible for him to come.
Can anybody tell me what to do in this situation or anyone has this experience ever? I need some advice if I should go for study and staying there for longer or I should just wait and see what’s gonna happen???

My ex is currently in Peru.

A bit too long distance for me.

It can work if you want. A lot of weekly long distances phone calls. Not to mention the plane trips. It really depends if the both of you are committed to the relationship.

I remember my girlfriend’s dad would scold her about wasting her salary making weekly overseas phone calls to me. The days before free internet phones. :laughing:

I didn’t have a lot of money back then either. Looking back I think we made the right choice being committed to each other.

The long distance relationship lasted 2 years before we could be together again. When you’re young 2 years seems like an eternity.

These days I commit to 2 years projects/commitments like they were nothing.

[quote=“hhohho91”]My bf and I have known each other for an year and we’ve been living together for 6 7 months in the U.S. Lately I came back to Taiwan due to the visa expiration. And I’ve found a pretty good job here.
Actually I planned to go for advanced study next fall, but now I am kind of changing my mind. Since I already got a bachelor degree in Taiwan and I enjoy working more than studying. But once I focus on working, we can’t meet as often as before…(I was in airline before so we could meet up once in a while, but in this job I probably can only take a few days off every 3-4 months) And he also gets good pay there so it’s not possible for him to come.
Can anybody tell me what to do in this situation or anyone has this experience ever? I need some advice if I should go for study and staying there for longer or I should just wait and see what’s gonna happen???[/quote]

long distance relationships are tuff and if they carry on too long they FAIL 100pct of the time. There is no substitute for someone being with you physically and mentally and spiritually and all that.

love him? get together with him and soon. forget bout your job and what not. WORK together to be together.

remember when the cat is away the mouse will play !!!

overseas phone call is ok. Now it’s very cheap (NT$1/per minute).
But I already gave up my job once, I don’t hope to take the risk again.
Although it’s very easy to be a simply housewife, but I also want my own finacial status.
I am just wondering if it’s worth to go study and stay longer with him
(cuz it can’t guarantee that I can get a job right away after graduation, right)
or I should keep working here and visit him once in a while…

[quote=“hhohho91”]overseas phone call is ok. Now it’s very cheap (NT$1/per minute).
But I already gave up my job once, I don’t hope to take the risk again.
Although it’s very easy to be a simply housewife, but I also want my own finacial status.
I am just wondering if it’s worth to go study and stay longer with him
(cuz it can’t guarantee that I can get a job right away after graduation, right)
or I should keep working here and visit him once in a while…[/quote]

it all depends on how much you love him. My guess is “not enough” from your answer

[quote=“tommy525”][quote=“hhohho91”]overseas phone call is ok. Now it’s very cheap (NT$1/per minute).
But I already gave up my job once, I don’t hope to take the risk again.
Although it’s very easy to be a simply housewife, but I also want my own finacial status.
I am just wondering if it’s worth to go study and stay longer with him
(cuz it can’t guarantee that I can get a job right away after graduation, right)
or I should keep working here and visit him once in a while…[/quote]

it all depends on how much you love him. My guess is “not enough” from your answer[/quote]

What Tommy (and the others above) said. Also, unless you really love him and he really loves you here’s the cynical generalised break down.

You’ve known each other for a year and lived together for 6 to 7 months.
WOMEN’S MIND: We’ve been intimate and lived together. I love him and (surely because we were intimate and lived together) he truely loves me. We’re meant for each other but, we have some long distance hurdles. It’s so hard to decide what to do, because I really love him but we are seperated by so many obstacles…
MEN’S MIND: Wow! What a great time! What a beautiful sexy woman. Man, it was great living with a woman and getting all the (physical) lovin’ that goes with it. I really gotta do something like that again. [Note: besides the excited feelings going along with living with a woman and all the other “good” stuff. After 6 or 7 months guys generally get bored with whomever they’re having sex - UNLESS the REALLY love the person and envision her as the mother of his children]

So, basically, there are so many variables that, we as strangers, really don’t know about you and him and your relationship, not to mention your true feelings and committment to each other, that you are really the only one in a position to know what the best thing to do is. Sometimes one should just take a chance on love. We only live once. You can always find another job, but no two people are the same. On the other hand, if you (alone) make the sacrifices necessary to be together and it doesn’t work out, or he’s moved on emotionally, you may find yourself feeling very dejected and regretful.

As an objective observer to a situation that I really know almost nothing about (not to mention that I don’t know you nor him from a loaf of bread), I would suggest a cautious approach. Give it six months to a year before you make any life changing emotional decisions. See how it all pans out over the next six months to a year. If it’s really true love and meant to be, that’s not too long a time. If it bombs in that period, well, then just cherish the experience you had.
Six months to a year from now you should be able to guage your and his feelings much more accurately from an objective point of view.

Good luck with everything, your career as well as your love life.

Well, in a way I packed up my life here in the UK for a girl I meet in Taiwan, although the added attraction of living in Taiwan and doing something completley different where strong factors as well.
As the previous posters have said, it all comes down to how much the two of you love eachother, but a job is just a job, it’s not your life.
I gave up a damned good job, but it really doesn’t bother me and I’ve already got a decent job lined up which will be a new experience for me.
I have not idea if things will work out or not, but we’ve been talking on MSN and the phone for about 6 months and it feels really good. However, if it doesn’t I’m not going to sulk forever over it, it’s a chance and I’ve got to take it to see what can come of it.
Life will always be changing and with the way the world are these days there’s no reason to stick to one job because it’s a good job, there’s always something better or at least something as good around the corner. Consider what you want out of life and go from there.

[quote=“tommy525”]
remember when the cat is away the mouse will play !!![/quote]

very true…

but…

if the cat comes back, the mouse will die for sure!!! :smiley:

If you really love someone and want to be with them, you will make it happen. If you are seriously considering staying at a job overseas rather than physically being with your SO, then you have already prioritized what you care about most, and it ain’t your SO.

humm…in my opinion,it depends on u.In my case,i think my ex didn’t LOVE me too much,so,when i came back here,the relationship is over…(i met him in Au)it doesn’t matter how much do i love him lo.

hi kate, welcome to forumosa! :slight_smile:

Personally i think LD relationships can last longer than they used to. Get a PC with a camera and microphone, and youve got face to face contact daily, and for cheap.

However, you still must get together physicaly to, er, bond…yeah, bond. :wink:

Of course I love him, otherwise I dont have to struggle for so long and post a question here.
I just can’t really work with him in the States unless I got a student visa (tourists should not work illegally)
I didnt prioritize anything ahead of him, just it’s hard to get together often under all the regulations…

To me, a LD relationship would be pointless, unless you both are working together on concrete plans on sharing your life on every level.

I’m in a LD relationship with a Taiwanese woman at present and we are working together to create a future together here in the UK. As I am Danish, I have a lot of paperwork to sort out to make this happen successfully, dealing with the authorities in Copenhagen, two Danish ministries, the Taiwanese representative office in Copenhagen and in London, as well as the UK authorities, both on her behalf and my own. In addition, finding out about the options for a decent job for her, and the best way for her to successfully start at UCL to do her second master degree. All very time consuming and sometimes difficult, but indefinitely worth it! But, only because we truly want to share our lives together and we are working together to make it happen.

Another aspect is that it certainly has not been an easy decision for her to decide to give up her career in Taiwan; it will take some time for her to stand on her own two feet in the UK. I really admire her for her courage to make this decision. If our combined prospects would have been better in Taiwan, I would have moved there, without doubt!

It’s a very clear cut commitment issue. Either you want it to happen, or you don’t. It’s about your willingness to create the life you want together. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Trying not to be facetious here but, I thought that the point of good pay was so that you could do what you want. I think good holiday is also part of a good package, to be balanced against other factors - allowing you to get what you want out of life.

So it comes down to what you want - money, freedom, security, stability and ease of life in your home country, fulfilling career (not the same as money), seeing the world, etc.

Hi… just to share my story:

I met my this Taiwanese guy during 3-months study in Taipei (Feb-May 06).
We had so much fun together and without realizing it… I’d fallen in love with him.
But I’ve had plans long before… and I had to return back to Australia.
He was really sad and all… we promised to keep this relationship & to see eachother again as soon as possible.
We talked on the phone a number of times for the first month I left Taiwan.
Fast forward: NOW, he doesn’t even say “Hi” when we’re both on MSN.
I had seen it coming…
But yeah, this LD relationship still hurts me bad.

I met a new friend last night,her story happened from the LD relationship,well…the happy ending.
It is life,it happens… :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

well, my shelf life with girlfriends seems to be about 3 years then i get kicked out !! so maybe a long distance relationship will prolong the 3 years?? :slight_smile::slight_smile:

but in all seriousness. After world war two many people got married and STAYED MARRIED, because people who went thru the war realized that there are things more important then just money or position or a JOB!! And people understood commitment and understood the VALUE of another human being.

this human value we are losing in our throwaway society today. People are becoming just a commodity and replaceable. Fact is , NObody is replaceable. If you love the one you are with, make that commitment and stay together with each other . If you dont? You should set him/her free to be with someone who will appreciate him/her. And you should realize that everything else you want IS there with the one you love.

I bet a lot of people on their deathbeds dont miss that jaguar or that mercedes or porsche or that big house in spain. If they have regrets im sure its not being able to spend more time with the ones they love.

My grandfather’s very last words was his wifes name !