Lost a close friend this summer

Discussion Open Forum
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During regular work days I still thrive. What sucks is the dead space of time between too early to sleep and too late to go out, especially Sunday nights. It comes to mind every now and then, or all of a sudden an anxiety attack slams right into the body like a freight train. Sometimes the mind has a mini crisis meltdown just before bedtime. Sometimes the attacks make it hard to breathe.

For the first few weekends partied to the point that an IV drip was breakfast. Dig the convenient delivery of electrolytes, vitamins and minerals. The needles sitting in there for extended time, less of a fan. Then some buddies and I almost couldn’t remember where we parked our cars. I ordered a 4 pack of AirTags and dropped one in my center console, this was when I also decided to take a break from those parties in the Hills.

Among everything else, including pushing through an impending career change and whatever shit storm that’s currently happening in the world. Pile all that onto each other… For over a month now I’ve been lacking appetite and as a lifelong foodie, found a new annoyance for even the act of eating. I’m quite sad about this and want to enjoy a good steak again. Had to order meal replacements to provide easy sustenance and nutrition for my body. Two scoops powder, water, shake, drink. That’s 2/3 of my daily meals.

You guys know how La Croix sparkling water tastes like vintage TV static while someone in the other room whispers a flavor at you? Huel tastes like dirt water while your downstairs neighbor murmurs “cinnamon rolls” or “cookies and cream” or “chocolate?” Sigh. At least you don’t gotta chew.

Anyway, how’s everyone else doing?

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Totally. :grin:

Better than you apparently. Hoping those rolling blackouts don’t head in your direction. :crossed_fingers:

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Funny you mention it; earlier a phone call was disturbed by what I at first thought was a loud ass Amber alert, turns out:

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Sorry to hear about your loss. Your alert is in California? Getting some mixed signals from there, “Buy an electric car by 2035” and by the way “power outages coming your way”. I’m sure they will figure it out, 2035 is a long way off.

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Nah, we can keep listening. Food is the usual replacement for alcohol. But you’re not eating. That’s a bit concerning.

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I’m really sorry to read about your loss.

Do take care of yourself. That’s the baseline for connecting with others who may either need you, or simply appreciate you being around.

Guy

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I’m coming up on the one year anniversary of the death of one of my closest friends. It sucks. I got drunk last night. It didn’t solve anything.

You are not alone.

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A close friend found great help in a grief support group if you can find something similar. Wish you the best with such a difficult situation to navigate.

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Wish you all the best @Rockefeller , I can only imagine what you’re going through.

I know you’re not asking for advice on what to do, but have you considered exercise to get your mind off things?

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I lost 1 close friend and 1 parent, who was a very close friend to me.
The former was over 30 years during college (he had an unknown health issue), the latter only a few years ago. Both pop into my mind off/on, with the latter nearly on a daily basis. I cannot hide from it. I accept it and do a few things personally on their behalf, with a lot more for the parent, naturally. Yes, bedtime is also usually when things pop into the head as am also dealing with the other parent slowing dying (nothing can be done; just a matter of time, which is unknown), but then I start my general SOP to handle those times.

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Dam !

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Went to one of my fav cafes in Taipei and the manager said there is an American in the basement playing the Pac-Man machines This was the early 80s. Manager said go over and say hi

I did and we became fast friends and great buds
Jon was a blast
He was on a hiatus from life in the east coast with some dollars from his grandpas passing left to him

He just landed in Taiwan a few days ago and already found himself a girlfriend. The girl working at the pub decided to take him under her wings and boy was she something else

Their relationship was anything but stable

Days after I met John as an example he was in a panic because he said his girl had been taken to the hospital and he had no idea which hospital to go to so we were just going around on our motorbikes just going around every single hospital in Taipei to find out where his girlfriend had been taken to . She had called him saying she had swallowed a bunch of sleeping pills

Well it was just a hoax to get his attention

Like I said she was a piece of work

Anyway Jon hung around Taipei for a few years drinking down most pubs while doing smuggling runs of luxury goods to South Korea

Monkey runs they called it

You get to carry luxury goods to Korea with tickets and cheap hotels paid and a few hundred dollars thrown your way when you get back

It wasn’t anything serious
I went on one myself and got caught and had to stash all the goods at the airport and take them
Back to Taipei with me

So pretty innocent even if Midnight Express was on my mind the one time I did it

Jon was the guy who went missing for a week and when I reconnected with him

He said he had gone to a pub and he was chatting up some gangster doll and the gangsters took some exception to him and beat him up outside the pub but felt sorry for him because he was in a drunken stupor and he said that they decided they had better take him home so they drove him around using John as a navigator to his own place but of course John couldn’t find where he lived so they decided to take him with them on their round the island debt collection tour that they were on

He got dropped back to taipei a week later having spent the week going around the island with these gangsters wining and dining and going to nightclubs and it was a nonstop party it was absolutely incredible he said He was able to communicate by using his broken few words of Chinese and finger pointing and generally just smiling the whole time

Didn’t cost him a cent

Jon got married to the girl from the pub( I was his best man ) and went back to the east coast USA but we hung out again in San Francisco one time when I came for a visit

He was a good blackjack player we went to Reno and every time he got 100 bucks he would give it to me and say please please do not ever give that money back to me no matter how hard I begged and once I hit 700 I’ll do a Hawaii trip with you. Because I was on Singapore Airlines and we had a stopover in Hawaii and in those days they didn’t charge for stopovers and the plan was John could take world airways from Oakland and we can meet up in Honolulu. But he needed 700 to fund the trip

He ended up with 2k in winnings

On the day of our departure my dad drove Jon and I to Oakland airport for his morning flight to Honolulu on World Airways and myself on the evening flight from SFO on SQ. No cell phones in those days but Jon was going to leave a note with the airline what hotel he managed to get us and I can take a cab there. The plan worked and we did ten days in Hawaii as two bums looking for good drinks and cheap chicks (no luck on the chicks or cheap drinks but there was a few stories for another day) Night clubs till the sun came up then snooze till noon then lunch then PM at the beach then dinner and back to clubs. Afternoon live jazz at the Hyatt and disco nights with Billie ocean and Carribean queen

Later years Jon got divorced (like most of us from our first wives) and went to China and we kinda lost touch but he would send an email every now and then

Cept I hadn’t heard from him in a few years and had no mutual friends to ask

Typed in his name in google and found an obit !!

He had passed a year ago from the time of my search

I heard myself say JON !! I always thought he would resurface as he always did.

God speed buddy you are missed

I hope you have some good memories of your bud too

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Yeah, a lot of folks on social media are like “I’m still charging my Tesla anyway” which, I can’t blame em, gotta get to work in the morning. I’ll bet the mansions in the hills with 17 bedrooms probably don’t give a shit though, which is who the message should really be for

Surprisingly, held strong and there wasn’t much alcohol consumption (doctor’s orders, unrelated), probably because there are… Other available substances lol. Truly appreciate your concern, I def still do get the calories, vitamins and protein in. Just in a chalky shake.

Thank you. Thankfully I do still have the good sense in tending to my responsibilities, work is still at a high level.

Yeah, chemicals just put it off, but sometimes thats the most one can hope for. I am sending well wishes your way as well.

Thank you, I’ve been going to therapy for even prior to this and just met with a substitute therapist while my regular guy goes on vacation. But this sounds like something to look into.

Thank you. Indeed I have been regularly exercising just as part of my lifestyle anyway, usually 5 times a week. I give the body a couple of days to repair and recover. My workouts have become the little bright spots to my days. Unfortunately muscles need time to recover otherwise someone would have to drag me away from my Bowflex. That just reminded me that my buddy was my workout buddy lol. I guess I’m now on a quest to acquire a new workout buddy

Appreciate the share. I think I may steal your idea of doing things on their behalf. I am sorry to hear about your living parent’s condition, I hope you can both create rich memories for each other before that time. What is your SOP to handle those times, if you don’t mind my asking? My therapist has suggested certain grounding and thought stopping techniques, which I’ve deployed to limited success.

Thank you for sharing. I’m avoiding any memories, at least for now, since they feel like stabbing into fresh wounds. I hope you are at a place now where you are able to cherish your memories with Jon.

Can’t thank everyone enough for sharing your own stories or just leaving a nice comment. It’s so f*cking stupid and I’m mildly embarrassed to even feel regret for my way-too-honest-OP because it’s the internet and who cares.

But I woke up to these messages and you guys have definitely made the morning just that little bit better for at least one other soul, which is just disgusting because now Imma boutta bawl like a baby on my lunch break, so I’m gunna stop now before that happens.

—R

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It’s my pleasure. Yer a good egg and grief sucks when you can’t share it.

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This is one of those situations where reposting is allowed.

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Care Bears 1

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What’s this about?? :hushed:

Will we still get to see you at the Oscars?

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I don’t have much in the way of suggestions like everyone else but I still wanted to say I’m sorry to hear about your friend. We get to keep our memories of them so in that way they live forever.

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Aww thanks alien.

You will, just that you may see me at the Primetime Emmy’s first… Although as I type this it seems there may be a chance that Oscars comes first after all… Ah entertainment industry, you fickle fiend.

Btw, one of my mentors has a movie out at TIFF this month, apparently it’s quite good, based on a true story. Head over to check it out if you can :slight_smile:

This alone means more than you know. Appreciate it, Dan

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It just makes you human to have to take a break from exercising 5 days a week. :laughing:

Of course, I struck a nerve with my advice. Finding a work out buddy may be helpful, but maybe finding a new sport/form of exercise? I was never a gym rat, but I can only imagine the bond that work out buddies have.

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:face_vomiting: