Making of a narcissist:me, dad, and jimmy swaggart

Discussion Open Forum
1

reflecting somewhat on my own fucked upness this morning (and sort of missing mom- that’s a southern boy for you):

my dad worked for the lake charles musc company as a piano salesman/tuner. that was when the first “fun machines” (organs with auto-accompianment) came out. dad demoed these machines at the parish fairs and i went with him. i wanted to do that when i got big.somtimes my mom took his place.i remember walking into the store and seeing pianos all around me.
dad was raised assembly of God and mom was raised baptist. the two are totally different musically. grandma always thought my dad was a bad influence on my mom because those pentacostals are “too sexual” and jump and jive.
mom had a good ear. she took piano lessons as a child and the teacher refused to play the songs for her first because she’d learn it by ear and pretend to read the notes. her dad was a coonass fiddle player who could play behind his back i’m told. mom loved elvis and to my memory, grandma told me she went all the way up to sherveport to see him on the louisiana hayride, but he had to cancel. mom always played Elvis in the house. it was either elvis or floyd cramer.
i first saw the osmonds when i was six. it was from that time that i knew i wanted to be a musician. i started begging grandma to go down to the record store and have them order LPs for me and started playing drums with osmond records.i wanted to be donnie. i used to lipsync donnie. i once lipsynced donnie to impress the girl i liked, my childhood sweetheart since 7. i practiced his vocal style too.even now i can mimic donnie pretty close singing.
mom taught me to play piano when i was 8. it was from that time on that my head began to get filled with bullshit. this mindjob made me into the narcisstic person you now know.
growing up in the church, i constantly heard “GOd is going to use you mightly one day” God has a purpose for you and your music" blah blah. dad filled my head with this kind of bullshit too. dad was a real player. women loved my dad and still do. dad wanted to be like his uncle, a real bonafide (but unlike him RESPONSIBLE) preacher. dad got saved numerous times. the last time was when he left mom for our next door neighbor. even thru all this i still love my dad. he actually worked for jimmy swaggart for a short time in the 80s.
when i was 18, i had my own revival tour in the baptist church. i wasn’t a holy roller, but i also got my head further filled with bullshit that i was “special”. all this time i thought i didn’t have an ego, but narcissist traits were developing without my knowledge. the belief that “God has a plan for me and my music” has been the theme of (yet to see, maybe) destruction all my life.

"i once was lost. was blind but now i see. "

do people REALLY know what they’re singing? since coming to taiwan, and ESPESCIALLY since coming to forumosa, i think i do. the interaction on this site has brought a lot of truth to my life.to realize life after the mindjob downfall. to realize maybe “there is no great plan” may be the greatest thing of all. to just be.

just free associating many thoughts. the lousisana i knew is long gone. you can’t go home again even if you go home again.

2

God’s avatar on earth is Jerry Garcia. That’s all you need to know and understand. :beatnik:

3

i totally agree.

do you see any similarities between tent revivals and The Dead concerts? i’m interested in this from a sociological standpoint.

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[quote=“theposter”]i totally agree.

do you see any similarities between tent revivals and The Dead concerts? i’m interested in this from a sociological standpoint.[/quote]

They are both full of believers. :rainbow:

5

Blasphemy! It’s Elvis, unbeliever! Persecute the heretic!

(Wow…so this is how schisms start!) :rainbow:

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[quote]i first saw the osmonds when i was six. it was from that time that i knew i wanted to be a musician. i started begging grandma to go down to the record store and have them order LPs for me and started playing drums with osmond records.i wanted to be donnie. i used to lipsync donnie. i once lipsynced donnie to impress the girl i liked, my childhood sweetheart since 7. i practiced his vocal style too.even now i can mimic donnie pretty close singing. [/quote]ohhhhhhh-KAAAAAAAY.

7

But why would you WANT to? :laughing:

8

i now use mimics as a kind of vocal-“Ease”/warmup to get over problems in certain ranges. for instance, a john denver mimic helps me get the nasal/chest resonance right. doing (trying to do)russell hitchcock from air supply helps me get my “little boy yell” (crucial for entrance into the mid upper register at middle C to E as well as my high register, F to A) on track. donnie also helps because he put a good “bite” into his vocal attack which makes the vocal cords work properly. sometimes i even try to do karen carpenter in a low register. her vocal bite is right on.
of course i never really sound like them. but it’s an approach that has worked for me. i also use micheal macdonald to learn how to cover the mid high and high range. him and rick astley are good examples of this.

9

My honey’s roommate can mimic Pearl Jam pretty well. I have considered having someone send me a gun.

I totally feel you on your Louisiana being gone. Mine is too.

10

which part of louisiana are you from?

11

Provencal, Natchitoches, and Holy Beach.
I would have called Provencal my Louisiana because I loved it so much. But I spent more time in Natchitoches.
Then again, looking at this historicnatchitoches.com/ makes me remember how much I love Natchitoches.

12

It took ME fifteen fucking minutes to find this fabulous BOB quote:

Now, bow down in awe of my mighty, magnificant magnificence… Please? I’ll do anything you like, bitch.

13

Here is a link to book by Alexander Lowen.

amazon.com/Narcissism-Alexan … 0684842998

I only mention it because I actually met him about thirty years ago. He told me that I needed to breathe more slowly and relax my anus.

Here is a quote from wikipedia.

[quote]Narcissistic Culture

Historian and social critic Christopher Lasch (1932—1994) described this topic in his book, “The Culture of Narcissism”,[3] published in 1979.

He defines a narcissistic culture as one in which every activity and relationship is defined by the hedonistic need to acquire the symbols of material wealth, this becoming the only expression of rigid, yet covert, social hierarchies. It is a culture where liberalism only exists insofar as it serves a consumer society, and even art, sex and religion lose their liberating power. See Decadence and Determinism.

In such a society of constant competition, there can be no allies, and little transparency. The threats to acquisitions of social symbols are so numerous, varied and frequently incomprehensible, that defensiveness, as well as competitiveness, becomes a way of life. Any real sense of community is undermined – or even destroyed – to be replaced by virtual equivalents that strive, unsuccessfully, to synthesise a sense of community.

Contrary to Lasch, Bernard Stiegler argues in his book, Aimer, s’aimer, nous aimer: Du 11 septembre au 21 avril (2003), that consumer capitalism is in fact destructive of what he calls primordial narcissism, without which it is not possible to extend love to others.

Meredith Black[citation needed] has said that narcissism can not only be detrimental to one’s health, but also a symptom of psychological problems that have decided to express themselves through a greater focus on self.

It has also been claimed that narcissism is linked to other areas of relating such as sexual expression and promiscuity.[/quote]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism

14

[quote]He told me that I needed to breathe more slowly and relax my anus.
[/quote]
Dare we ask what he was doing to you at the time?

15

Standing above like a guru proctologist on Zanax. It was in a gymnasium where there had gathered a crowd of new age hippy types for guided practice in something or other with the god of bioenergetics ALEXANDER LOWEN. Studied with Frued or some fucking thing. He had us strip down to our ginch, get down on our hands and knees and breathe, slowly in and out, being particularly attentive to the out part. Some guy next to me farted of course but that was to be expected given the heavy fat diet of the time.