I just came across this thing I wrote for ExpoExtra a while ago. I thought maybe somebody would get a kick out of it…
Kung Fu is Kung Fu, It’s Not Child’s Play
The reasons why Western folks come to Asia are myriad (well, there’s at least three or four, does that count as myriad?), but one of the most interesting and pathetic reasons is to study martial arts. Unfortunately, inscrutable Asians rarely reveal their secrets to outsiders, and finding the right art and teacher can be as difficult as finding a clean shirt on laundry day. So to expedite you on your quest, Expo Extra offers the following as an introduction to the world of martial arts.
Aikido is the art of semi-circular dwarf tossing, except that regular sized people are used instead of dwarves. The art was created by Morihei Ueshiba after he became such a proficient martial artist that he declared, “I’m such a badass, I don’t even have to hit people anymore. I’ll create a martial art just to rub it in everyone’s faces.” Aikido became popular worldwide after Steven Segal hit the silver screen and threw more people than have been thrown since BA Barracus’ stint on the A-team.
This is a kind of kung fu where you “change palms” or something. One thing for sure, it involves a lot of looking very serious and walking in circles. I