Met the parents, and they didn't approve

If you do want to have a serious, life-long commitment with this girl, start thinking about doing it in an overseas, secret location. Like I said, they are going to start demanding money soon.// Just for the record, in case there aren’t too many posters from South Taiwan on this board, I have seen caucasian boyfriends get beaten up or threathened by hired men, I have seen people deported on purpose re: relationship stuff, etc. etc. I hope for your sake these people have no connections, but you never really know.

This has to be the 100th “My girlfriend and her family are raging psychos, what should I do?” post on this forum. Life’s too short for this kind of crap, even if the sex is mind boggling. Don’t even bother with helping the damsel in distress, because it will never end. Run…for your life…now. I can’t believe people are actually suggesting you stop your life and try to help this person or somehow continue a relationship with her. There are soooo many fish in the sea.

THis doesn’t sound so “Traditional”[/quote]

i don’t see the problem with being traditional AND a drunk, or devoutly religious, or abusive, or kind etc…

Yeah, but in the end you’re gonna marry someone for them not their family. you just have to decide if it’s worth it to you knowing there’s gonna be headaches. one or two questions for the op that may shed a little light on the psychology of the situation. was your inability to come up with the red envelope met more with annoyance or understanding by your gf? how did she react to the threat of being “beaten to death”? more fear or flippancy?

[quote=“Huang Guang Chen”]
Personally I’m extremely intolerant when it comes to anybody’s family, including my own or my extended family. Basuically they get the slack I’d cut for a friend and no more. If they cross that line then they’re out

HG[/quote]

Disowning a member of your family for crossing some imaginary line is just plain wrong.

hahah. Yeah, one comes up about every six months! hahaha.

THis doesn’t sound so “Traditional”[/quote][/quote]

I don’t see the problem with being traditional AND a drunk, or devoutly religious, or abusive, or kind etc…

My grandparents are considered “traditional” , but they’re not drunks, devoutly religious, abusive, or too sick to drink, but it doesn’t sound like these people are.
I really wouldn’t put a devoutly religious person in the same grouping as a complete drunk and abusive person…think about it

You’re a Catholic too?

To each their own. Works for me, but then I happen to have a pretty fucked up family.

HG

[quote=“bon2h1”][
My grandparents are considered “traditional” , but they’re not drunks, devoutly religious, abusive, or too sick to drink, but it doesn’t sound like these people are.
I really wouldn’t put a devoutly religious person in the same grouping as a complete drunk and abusive person…think about it[/quote]

i thought about it and i still don’t see the problem. to me, traditional or modern attitudes are exclusive of other factors like the ones i mentioned.

I’m going to go against the general current of advice in this thread and advise not to worry excessively about what the girl’s parents think, nor let them and their bigotry ruin the relationship. Parents often act negatively whenever their grown up child comes home with a partner from another race or culture. This is the case in most countries in the world.— My gf once told me of the rift created when she broke off an engagement with a Chinese guy her parents approved of and began dating a white guy. Her father didn’t talk to her for a very long time. My gf was born and raised in Canada.— If the relationship is strong, the parents likely will come around eventually. If they don’t, they can be sent cards at holiday times but otherwise not receive much attention apart from that. Taiwan is a society in rapid transition, I have found. Young people are not necessarily ruled by their families anymore. Similarly, your relationship’s destiny need not be affected by her parents’ prejudices. I’d say minimize your contact with them, forget about them and let them come to you when they are ready to behave like adults.

I thought about it. People who considered themselves religious are just as likely or perhaps slightly more likely to be abusive as people who aren’t religious, in my experience at least. The drunk part is a bit more unusual from a western perspective perhaps, but here religion amounts mostly to a fear of ghosts, and drunks are more likely to be afraid of ghosts in my experience than people who aren’t drunks. That religious faith, abusivness and alcoholism could exist in the same person comes as no surprise to me.

I agree with Toasty. There’s no need to kowtow to her ghastly parents. You’ve made a reasonable effort, and if it wasn’t good enough, then that’s just too bad for them. I’d suggest you let your girlfriend know that you’re not interested in having anything to do with any members of her family who behave like that, but that needn’t affect the relationship between you two. If she likes you well enough, she should be willing and able to go along with that – and there are certainly plenty of Taiwanese girls who would (as I know from my own experience). If she can’t accept it and insists that you should go on trying to ingratiate yourself with her folks, then you’d probably be best off sticking to your guns and letting the relationship expire if it must.

I second this opinion, and would add that perhaps having kids might speed up the “coming around” process. Deny time with the grandkids if they can’t behave.

I have no anecdotal evidence that this strategy works, but it’s the best I can hope for for myself, knowing my parents. :pray:

I thought about it. People who considered themselves religious are just as likely or perhaps slightly more likely to be abusive as people who aren’t religious, in my experience at least.[/quote]
That’s your experiece with a select amount of people. Could you also be projecting your own person thoughts on to people who are religious or follow a dogma? I’m rather offended by your post. Religious people are not just as likely or slight more likely to be abusive. People who come from abusive situations tend to carry on the abuse patterns unless they are veryaware of the impact of that behavior. You statement is almost akin to William Bennet saying that if we aborted all black babies, then the crime rate would go down (sic).

[quote]
The drunk part is a bit more unusual from a western perspective perhaps, but here religion amounts mostly to a fear of ghosts, and drunks are more likely to be afraid of ghosts in my experience than people who aren’t drunks. That religious faith, abusivness and alcoholism could exist in the same person comes as no surprise to me.[/quote]
Should be no suprise to you that a person could also have a multitude of beliefs as you should realize that people are multi dimensional. And as for religion here it doesn’t amount to ‘fear of ghosts’. That my friend is superstition which isn’t a religion at all.

aprimo wrote:

[quote]I second this opinion, and would add that perhaps having kids might speed up the “coming around” process. Deny time with the grandkids if they can’t behave. [/quote] Hope this is tongue in cheek. Having kids here IMO wouldn’t make the situation better. As from what i’ve heard and had to deal with in my school, this would make the situation worse, as Grandma would ‘move’ in to tell her and him how to raise the kids. Oh VEY, what a headache that would be :astonished: :noway:

Omni has it totally on the head. "I’m in love with YOU, not your family. I want to make a life with YOU, not those fucked-up nasty motherfuckers who raised you. If that’s good for you, I’m yours. If you want me to pretend to be nice to those drunken fucktards, forget it. Your choice. But remember, I really love you.

You bought her parents a heating fan?

a heating fan?

a heating fan…

[quote=“Booger Digger”]You bought her parents a heating fan?

a heating fan?

a heating fan…[/quote]
You mean you haven’t seen a heating fan yet?

Next time you go visiting, bring a couple of liters of Kaoliang, and you will be their favourite for ever (or until they finish the booze)…

also, I second Sandman’s comment.

You really have strong feelings for Omni, don’t you?! :slight_smile:

You really have strong feelings for Omni, don’t you?! :slight_smile:[/quote]
What can I say? He’s a nice guy. You jealous? :laughing:

Not all of them are like that; some of us still follow our own thoughts and wishes. Parents are important, but what is really important for my own life is what I really want…[/quote]

My thoughts exactly. Well said D-babe.

My SO loves her parents but also recognizes their shortcomings, Her mother hates the age difference between us and her fatehr, while very kind to me, has indicated that he would not approve a marriage. The DNS has repeatedly said that she will ignore her parents wishes but still wants me to carry through with the tradition of asking for her hand formally. If and when I decide to ask her, I will grant her wish, mostly as a formality. But, regardless of the outcome, I am confident in the DNS’ independence to make her own choice.

Nama, I am sure you didn’t mean what you said to come off all racisty, but sweeping generalizations such as the one you’ve made upthread often are. Let’s check that shit at the door, mkay?