Money money money

Life Dating & Relationships
21

I know that the vast majority of TW colleagues have a second “expenses” account.
I know guys who hide their 50K Bicycles at their freinds home- as their wife would go bezerk.
I know a few TW women whom still are not married as they reflect as a mirror to your GF (not finding a guy who is crazy enough to put his money (and faith) in the sole hands of a chick.
I know that there is nothing worse than a TW female saying “coz it is the way in Taiwan, so you need to do the same”
I know I got married (today :smiley: ) after a 3 year probation period with clear rules.

  • seperate accounts - I pay a monthly “housing budget” salary which allows the wife even to put money aside on her saving account
  • her mother does not move in - unless I am dead. And I do not need to pay the bride tressor.
  • I buy what I want - I do not hide anything and even has to force the wife once and a while to accept a gift.

Well, love is blind, but hell, you need to put your act together. it starts like that and then you end up in another thread here somehwere where a wife refuses to sign the divorce papers…

Last point … “you do not understand yet Taiwan culture” :laughing:

Damn, I am starting to feel better
:discodance:

22

I have never really cared much about money. Its nice and all that, but I like to think it doesn’t control much of my life.
It does bother me when my son needs more for schooling and I can’t provide enough though.

In Taiwan and indeed many other places in Asia, social benifits are largely poor and the subject of saving for one’s future is a serious one. When you realize what little support there really is from the government, including unemployment support, health service support, education cost support and so on then you will know how these costs add up. Coming from a Taiwanese background your girlfriend probably understands this a lot better than you do, and you should ask her more about her specific concerns and make a financial plan for the future that will satisfy both of you. You may not help make her feel safe by just ignoring the subject of your finances or that of saving, but by putting money aside for emergencies, future education funds, retirement etc, you may help your relationship a lot.

I was glad that my wife takes these things seriously, as I by nature don’t at all. I don’t mind her controlling my income as she does an excellent job of it and we are both saving very nicely towards our retirement. Its good to have a pillow to fall on when times are hard, and it also lets you take time off when you need it.

I tell you what though, its amazing how little money you have left when putting it into all the right areas and in all the right accounts to plan for one’s future. If you actually sit down and work things out, you might even start wondering whether or not you should be controling your money much more wisely.

Trying not to preach here, but try seeing things from her angle and just enforce her confidence in you as a good money manager. You probably gave her quite a jolt after you spent a lot in Holland and perhaps she’s starting to wonder if she should take over the planning.

23

[quote=“sulavaca”]I have never really cared much about money. Its nice and all that, but I like to think it doesn’t control much of my life.
It does bother me when my son needs more for schooling and I can’t provide enough though.

In Taiwan and indeed many other places in Asia, social benifits are largely poor and the subject of saving for one’s future is a serious one. When you realize what little support there really is from the government, including unemployment support, health service support, education cost support and so on then you will know how these costs add up. Coming from a Taiwanese background your girlfriend probably understands this a lot better than you do, and you should ask her more about her specific concerns and make a financial plan for the future that will satisfy both of you. You may not help make her feel safe by just ignoring the subject of your finances or that of saving, but by putting money aside for emergencies, future education funds, retirement etc, you may help your relationship a lot.

I was glad that my wife takes these things seriously, as I by nature don’t at all. I don’t mind her controlling my income as she does an excellent job of it and we are both saving very nicely towards our retirement. Its good to have a pillow to fall on when times are hard, and it also lets you take time off when you need it.

I tell you what though, its amazing how little money you have left when putting it into all the right areas and in all the right accounts to plan for one’s future. If you actually sit down and work things out, you might even start wondering whether or not you should be controling your money much more wisely.

Trying not to preach here, but try seeing things from her angle and just enforce her confidence in you as a good money manager. You probably gave her quite a jolt after you spent a lot in Holland and perhaps she’s starting to wonder if she should take over the planning.[/quote]

this makes total sense, and has reminded me that she mentioned a lot that we will need to have money for when we have kids and stuff so they can go to school. I think she must have been trying to tell me in her own way that you don’t get as much help there as you do here, and my stubborn macho man way has just been defensive straight away because I don’t like people insisting I am shit at things. Before I went to Amsterdam she thought I was quite good at dealing with everything, but now after not at all. I am just trying to show her now that I can be good with money.

I agree with the guy on here who said he does not need much money, I don’t either it does not rule my life I would rather have a job where I was happy and paid less money than a job where I was paid more and angry, pissed off and miserable all the time.

24

[quote=“TomHill”]Take all her money. Leave. Go to Amsterdam. Live in bliss.

Out of curiosity: how much did you spend in the dam and over how long a period? I am a big smoker and find it hard to get through too much bob hope over there due to it’s stickyness and puke-ability factor. And you can only really eat 5 big mac meals a day…[/quote]

lets just say over £500 in 4 days, I didn’t want to go there so much because I don’t smoke, and didn’t wanna bang any prossies but all my friends wanted to go there, and we just ended up partying all the time and clubbing and that. Thing is most my friends smoke so thats why they wanted to go there.

Obviously me being a beer man only, I wanted to go somewhere cheap for beer like Poland or somewhere else in eastern europe but my voice was drowned out by my mates saying Yeah fucking Amsterdam

25

A number of people have hit the nail on the head here but will throw in some lessons learned from arguments and discussions with my ex on money, marriage, and such.

Money spent in the furtherance of the relationship is money well spent. Anything irresponsible and fun that does not include her or that is somehow not connected to your future together or the furtherance of your career, business, or such will often draw criticism on principle no matter how big or small. People expect you to come into the marriage with savings and income. Life is expensive so you should be saving now for your future together in her eyes.

You may have to pay a dowry - sometimes for tradition and sometimes for the cash. Numbers usually run NT$500,000 to NT$1,000,000. My ex-SO’s family was loaded but still would have expected me to pay NT$1,000,000. (There are threads on here about dowries.) You may have to cover the cost of the wedding - her family will do the engagement. (There are threads on here about weddings, traditions, and costs.)

Have to have a house. Need a deposit. Want kids? Well there are school fees, after-school fees, music lessons, art lessons, language classes, sports, etc that need saving for. Need a car for the kids and to visit the relatives. Life insurance, extra medical insurance, car insurance, house insurance, in-law insurance, etc. Investments, pensions, vacations, and on and on.

If she is considering marrying you and has a good head on her shoulders then she will be thinking about all these things and she expects that you will be too. That’s just the way it is. And if she is then you are not likely going to be able to provide a satisfactory explanation for spending £500 in 4 days in Amsterdam. But just remember that when she spends £500 on a handbag in the future that she has already factored that cost into your future and it is an acceptable disbursement of funds.

The easiest way to demonstrate being responsible, address her concerns, and have some grief free fun or toys is to openly save some money that you are going to ‘waste’.

26

Big time, me and the mrs we have a “joint account” (the mortgage account in her name) that we both transfer 1/3 of our monthly salary to, this pays the bills and saves for household goods

I get my bonus tucked away to spend on stupid stuff and flights home,

both miss out on the same (1/3) but I admit IM better off so I do give her treats and pay for extra for house - but that what men are supposed to do, so alls good

good luck!

27

Taiwan is a really small island without a real name as a country.
We are economically unstable because we are usually being controlled/dragged by foreign economics.
Taiwanese women loooves foreigners so much that people would tell someone that they look like Korean or Japanese as a compliment. I get that all the time.

Politics is also chaotic and it would drag stock market up-n-down for political reasons whatsoever.

Cost of living is quite high because Taiwanese loves import goods. (especially in prospect cities)
But on the other hand, the base salary have not increased for the past 10 years not to mention the currency inflation.

People gets insecure because it’s so easy for one to lose/spend it all as we are facing layoffs and economic crisis time to time.
Plus, the brand name products’ all over the place make every single young people grow up around names like LV,Chanel,Hermes.

As a result, average women would wish their men to be rich, to have nice house and brand new car. So they can have easier life to enjoy.

Although it is men’s duty to keep their women feel secured one way or another, but men today, will have to face pressure from independent women who don’t want to be dominated or being controlled. They can earn their own cash and do not have to rely on men or raise children.

This statement does not apply to all women because there must be nice girl who cares about you more than your cash.

28

No… just another scam to rip of aspiring husbands. Dowry’s bein illegal an all. Don’t forget to tell her that UK custom is that the father of the bride must pay for all your wedding costs, and he will need to pay for all of your friends to fly to Taiwan to celebrate your stag night before you get married.

Bet she will love that idea. :whistle:

29

No… just another scam to rip of aspiring husbands. Dowry’s bein illegal an all. Don’t forget to tell her that UK custom is that the father of the bride must pay for all your wedding costs, and he will need to pay for all of your friends to fly to Taiwan to celebrate your stag night before you get married.

Bet she will love that idea. :whistle:[/quote]

Yes. Refuse outright to pay a dowry. Not all families ask it and any that does is traditonal in the non-flattering way. My wife said her father thought it was a barbaric practise. Pay for your daughter to be married like she is some kind of animal to be bought and sold?

The most important thing to remember is your marriage will be a multi-cultural one which, unless you are going to be ruled by values you don’t believe in, has to be a compromise.

And never listen to any nonsense about this is the way we do things in Taiwan. There are four main ethnic groups in the country, and huge regional variations, including rural and urban. This is the way my family does it is more to the truth and so you have every right to reply, well, this is the way MY family does it.

30

A bit more what I learned when the dowry issue arose:

I raised the obvious concerns/objections. She dismissed them in our discussion but did, to her credit, discuss them with her family. Their position was that this was part of their tradition (within their family) and that the other son-in-laws (Taiwanese) had paid. It was not about them receiving money but demonstrating my ability to provide and care for their daughter, and about demonstrating my commitment to the relationship. It was also noted that we would receive more back than that amount. And though we never got married for other reasons, her parents did buy her a house free and clear last year when we were still trying to resolve our problems.

They are very traditional - refused to meet me for years. That said, they did agree with the multi-cultural marriage argument. They proposed the engagement-side be by Taiwanese custom and the wedding could be as western as we wanted. They wanted my parents to be at both and proposed doing the engagement ceremony/banquet one weekend and the wedding the next.

I do know a few of folks who paid the dowry. Some received more back in kind at/after marriage, some the money was ‘given to the bride’ by her parents rather than ‘returned’, and one it was his inlaw’s retirement plan as they had no sons. From what I have heard, the first two seem more common these days when the issue arises - it is about you having the money, not necessarily about them keeping it.

31

[quote=“damafen”]A bit more what I learned when the dowry issue arose:

I raised the obvious concerns/objections. She dismissed them in our discussion but did, to her credit, discuss them with her family. Their position was that this was part of their tradition (within their family) and that the other son-in-laws (Taiwanese) had paid. It was not about them receiving money but demonstrating my ability to provide and care for their daughter, and about demonstrating my commitment to the relationship. It was also noted that we would receive more back than that amount. And though we never got married for other reasons, her parents did buy her a house free and clear last year when we were still trying to resolve our problems.

They are very traditional - refused to meet me for years. That said, they did agree with the multi-cultural marriage argument. They proposed the engagement-side be by Taiwanese custom and the wedding could be as western as we wanted. They wanted my parents to be at both and proposed doing the engagement ceremony/banquet one weekend and the wedding the next.

I do know a few of folks who paid the dowry. Some received more back in kind at/after marriage, some the money was ‘given to the bride’ by her parents rather than ‘returned’, and one it was his inlaw’s retirement plan as they had no sons. From what I have heard, the first two seem more common these days when the issue arises - it is about you having the money, not necessarily about them keeping it.[/quote]

Plenty keep it but if this was simply a ritual designed to benefit you guys as a couple then there isn’t much to complain about. Sounds liek the family is preserving tradition but adapting to modern times. Nothing wrong with that and it sounds good that were willing to agree to a mix of traditions for the wedding.

32

dowry, ive hear dof token dowry giving being relatively norm, but if you really want to skip all this shit, just get her pregnant and she has to marry you and the demands fall away

33

THAT Sir, is the most imature response found on Forumosa in a LONG time :no-no:

34

Yes thats really traditional… NOT

35

Yes thats really traditional… NOT[/quote]

Why are you quoting me? I didn’t write that.

36

wow shooting from the hips…that might be a weapon of last resort :smiley:

37

My marriage experience includes one who wanted to manage money, and one who does not.

After nearly 8 years of marriage my ex. wife’s family asked for a dowry, I told them that I wanted to see an improvement in their daughters attitude, and also a lot more support from them and her, if not I would reserve the right to return their daughter for a full refund.

All that was said with a smile, however the content was clear, and their daughter was returned anyways 5 months later, with the concerns brought up by me playing a not minor role.

Such demands might be custom somewhere, but not everywhere. In my so’s family second brother and his gf came home one day and announced that they got married a week before (this was well before I entered the picture). In that kind of environment, the demand for a dowry would have been met with scorn, not just by me but also by the missus as well.

Note however that we married well after the birth of our son, so things were not exactly conventional from the getgo. We were engaged for a very long time though, so they were overall OK with things I think.

We still bicker over money, though.

38

Yes thats really traditional… NOT[/quote]

Why are you quoting me? I didn’t write that.[/quote]

I blame it on the quote functions… also my keyboard gets a bit dyslexic at times… usually when it has had too much to drink, or is up till the wee hours of the morning and exhaustion is setting in.

39

For your persual, there was this MSN article about financial rules before moving in together. Kinda average, but doe shold a couple of gems:

[quote]The good news for live-in lovers is that research has shown they tend to divide chores in a more egalitarian, less gender-based way than do married couples. So you’ve got that going for you. The bad news is that chores are a proxy for everything that is wrong about a relationship, so it is vital that this bomb be defused at the start.
…

A cleaning lady is lots cheaper than couples counseling.
[/quote]

Then there’s the “Develop a breakup plan in advance…” section. :roflmao: Yeah, I know, not funny. http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/HomeMortgageSavings/5-financial-rules-for-shacking-up.aspx?gt1=33006#pageTopAchor

40

My ex girlfriend was asking for money and gifts and i caught her cheating on me, my wife now hands over her salary to me so i can invest for our future and she wants us to buy a house.

I don’t accept her salary since she needs to have a savings too but she takes care of the bills and tells me to save my salary for investment.

I sometimes pay the credit card and sometimes the rent.

I think you should make sure what is the real reason after her being too bossy. I have this crazy idea of spending the savings on a brand new car (which i don’t need) and a heavy moto (which will kill me on the road most likely) but i am trying to hold myself and buy the house first.